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How many times?
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This patient support community is for discussions relating to relationships, abstinence, arousal problems, birth control, cohabitation, commitment, communication, couples counseling, desire, sexual technique, and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

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How many times?

The average of sex with couples changes with who you talk with.  Some say, 2 - 3 times a week is healthy, others say more and yet others say least, depending  on your relationship.  But if both partners can't agree, how can you tell if you have a healthy relationship?  When is it time to say, "it's just not working anymore and leave" and how long should you give your partner a chance to change to make it close to your expectations?

I would like to know, "How many times a week do you have sex"?  What is normal, above, and below normal?  If you have a good marriage and if you have left because of lack of sex?
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10 Comments Post a Comment
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468452_tn?1225968488
I have a good marriage but we hardly ever have sex, maybe once per month. I just have no sex drive and never had had one. Come to the conclusion that this is 'normal' for us, my husband would like it more i'm sure but after 10 years i think he knows the score!!!

I don't think that there is a 'normal' each couple is different. Providing you are both happy with the amount you are getting then I am sure that means it is normal. Sex isn't the be all and end all and I wouldn't have thought people would end a marriage just because they are not getting enough action. For better and worse eh! If you are both happy then I woud say that the relationship is healthy.
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632285_tn?1252641988
In my first marriage, it went from 3 to 5 times a week, to once a week, to very infrequently (that is to say, I was having sex infrequently...)
Now, it's about 7 times a week. Not always once a day, sometimes we skip a day, but end up making up for by making love 2 or 3 times in one day. That's normal for us, but I think that it really depends on the couple.
I think the question you should be asking, is how much do you want it, and how much are you getting it, and can you deal with it? Then you need to bring this up to your wife and see if you can work things out. If you're not having any other problems in your marriage, you shouldn't let the lack of sex be the concluding factor. Perhaps, she just needs to know what you need...
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568659_tn?1256143582
Well, I am not married but I have lived with my son's father for 3 years now. We used to have sex everyday a few times a day but shortly after I had Noah he lost his sex drive, we were down to once a month. It really affected out relationship, I am a very sexual person and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't have sex with me. Now we are getting back into the grove of things and we have sex between 4-6 times a week. Having our sex life back didn't by any means make our relationship perfect, we still have our arguments but I think we are both happier now that we are having more sex.
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Avatar_f_tn
I wake up ready.  If I had it my way, it would be every morning, and it usually is.

I can say though with my first husband I HATED sex with him.  If he came near me I would feel sick... and I STILL MARRIED HIM.  Yes, the feeling was there BEFORE marriage.  It never really felt right with him.

My Fiance' radiates sex, and I love it.
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589461_tn?1286436465
i've been with my husband for 11 years, i have had depression for 17 years, and have recently been diagnosed with cyclothemia (soft bi-polar) our sex life is almost non-existent at the moment as i have no sex drive, we still managed to have 3 children though??
i don't think there is a normal for us, but i guess we have sex about once a month, i am lucky that my other half is extremely understanding
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486919_tn?1280187740
Thank you for all your quick responses.
I, myself, could have sex everyday too.  My wife is another issue.  If it wasn't for the fact that I pushed it, I think she would never initiate it.  I'm to the point in our relationship where, I, can no longer do that.  I'm not asking that we do it every night.  I think once every 5th day is not asking to much. Is it?  
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568659_tn?1256143582
No, I don't think that you are asking too much. I know exactly how you feel. When my boyfriend and I were going through our almost dry spell which lasted over a year I thought I was going to go crazy. I thought "how can I live my life with someone who doesn't even want to have sex with me?" I felt like straying many times. I made it very clear to DB how much his lack of a sexual desire was bugging me. He said he felt bad but he just didn't know why he didn't want to have sex anymore. Finally one day it was like a switch just flipped and he got his desires back, he still has days when he isn't in the mood and I just have to accept that. I can't understand it since I could have sex 3 times everyday and still want more but I have to accept it none the less.
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568659_tn?1256143582
That's not even once a week!!!
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568659_tn?1256143582
Get a male vibrator haha. But seriously, I noticed that my b/f became more interested in sex once I bought a vibrator, I don't know if it made him jealous or if it just made him realize how much I needed sex. Either way it worked. lol
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486919_tn?1280187740
Thanks for the advice GRose,

Believe me, I've asked her for us to use a vibrator but she doesn't want too.  I've tried everything that you hear: Roses, Chores, Try new things, Ask for counseling for us, check her dr., You name it, I think I've tried it....I think that she knows what others are going to tell her and to avoid that, she says that we don't need it. She even ask me to get some anti-depressants, but my dr. told me that they won't help because I'm not depressed but stressed about my relationship and that is what is coming across as your depression.  He has even ask that we get counseling and when I told her that, she just kind of ignored it.
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486919_tn?1280187740
Now, this isn't fair to her.
She has been showing more affection and I did finally get my bed space back.  I just can't give up.  I know that we need to take it slow, but I've been the one holding back and I just can't anymore.  I have never strayed and I know I never will, but I also can't continue this way.  I guess only time will tell....
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145992_tn?1341348674
I want it every other day or so.  It has fluctuated over the years.  Sometimes I want it more then him, sometimes he wants it more than me.  But I would say we have sex about 4-5 times a week.  
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Avatar_f_tn
You GO girl!  
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145992_tn?1341348674
Thanks BH...I am a horny devil lately.  I have been having such hormone surges....lol.  Now he's like slow down girl...haha.
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580755_tn?1357673215
I would love sex at least once a day. Wife is good with 4-5 times a week. Now she is pregnant and wants it less like maybe once a week. But during our 1st child she wanted it daily.

So it goes in cycles. I have a friend who has had sex like 8 times this entire year.
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589762_tn?1330210735
When me and hubby first met we did it 2-3 times a day...... and that actually lasted quite a while (2 years or so).... UNTIL I got pregnant.... Currently 21 weeks and just cant bring myself to want it more than once a week.... honestly wouldnt want it even then but i dont want hubby to feel like i dont want him, its not him its the pregnancy.....

I honestly think it depends on the couple and that BOTH parties are satisfied weather its 5 times a week or once a week......
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404138_tn?1308945256
I know I always enjoy it when I want it.......when Im not really in the mood I end up having it anyway to please him, but end up LOVIN the fact that I gave in to it. lol. We do it all the time, it used to be 3 to 4 times every day. Now its down to once or twice a day. Im fine with that. I dont what I'd do though if it came down to once a month, id go crazy.
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404138_tn?1308945256
its a big stress reliever for me....and makes me feel good and it just feels good. If you have a huge sex drive like my bf I can see how it can become a big problem. Tell her how you feel...I know sex is a big thing in a marriage to some men and if she cant give that to you maybe you should find other ways of relieving yourself (such as masturbating) if thats not what you want and you just want her, you should talk to her about it and if it thats the main issue maybe you can work something out with her, otherwise I would think whether or not I would want to be with her if she cant meet your needs. Think of how important it is to you and how much she means to you, Good luck.
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638579_tn?1233018064
When my bf and I first got together we had it 6 or more times a week. Now after 3yrs and 2children I'm lucky if I get it once or twice a week. I have a stronger sex drive then he does, but he works 3rd shift and hes tired during the day.  I have a feeling mine will go down soon as well cause I'll be adjusting to working a new job. when i'm tired I don't want sex either.
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Avatar_f_tn
simply if we could all just remember what we had for each other in the biginning of the relationship you both should know what triggers are your mates triggers for the mood dont foget to allways make each other feel good ,dont forget to touch your partner lots of hugs and kisses it only takes a moment to show how much you love your partner the less you do it the more your partner will be into you!!!!!
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486919_tn?1280187740
Thanks for all the great response.
We are going forward with our relationship and I think she is realizing that I need more.  She can see it in my face and my responses.  I think a lot of people are confused when I mean sex....I'm a very intimate person and touch is a big thing.  I can kiss for hours and get satisfied or just hold and touch her and get pleasure.  The act of sex is not the only thing I'm looking for but the at of making love.  My place of complete satisfaction is when I'm within her and we are in each others arms.  I love that place.  All the other stuff is just fluff (to me). I just wish she would realize that I don't want to do these things with anyone else.  But she also needs to realize that I'm tired of waiting and I want it now and not once a month.  I want it everyday and if that is selfish so be it.  I'm not selfish with much in my life but I've hit a stage in my life the I'm going to be now.  Again thanks for all your great responses and good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
i used to want it a few times a day. Now i like it once or twice a day. on adverage we'll do it a minimun of 5 and a max of ?????????? Good luck!!!!
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640829_tn?1230999660
I think in a new relationship you'd like to be intimate daily but in reality with work, school, extra outside activities and family and friends, you are lucky especially if you don't live together to have sex 3 times a week.
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