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How much affection is "normal" for a daddy and 18yr old daughter
I am trying to understand this. My BF has an 18yr old daughter that he still picks up every other friday to spend the weekend with him. she is very affectionate to him, they joke and play punching each other, watch movies, texting every day and calling each other papa bear and baby bear. I have explained to BF that certain displays of affection is not normal. We recently went to a BBQ at his brothers and she was following him around everywhere he went and kept sitting next to him playing footsie while she was leaning her head on his shoulder and touching his hair. Someone once told me that fathers that have that type of closeness with daughters learn to block feelings of sexual nature and this can affect the passionate affection that a partner seek in them. Most of the times that we are alone on the sofa, in the car, etc. I caress him but i get no response from him. is like his dead. any thoughts?
I don't think he has a reduced sex drive because he is close with his daughter. much more likely it has to do with his ex cheating on him..
"the couples therapy is not to interfere with his relationship with the
daughter.".............
Then you go on to say...........
"I always encourage him to plan special trips to the beach, amusement parks and movies without me. So far they are ok with me, I don't see them too often but when I do we talk and catch on everything from hair and makeup to schools and boyfriends. What I would like for my BF is to respect my feelings and understand that this visual exaggerated displays of affection are troublesome to me. my parents gave me love, shelter and education and they are both nurturing, but never that touching lovi lovi. These young ladies are not 4yrs old, one is 18 and the other one 20."............This is interfering with how he interacts with his daughter(s).
Again, it really isn't your place to tell him how to interact with his daughters and that's what you are trying to do.
Therapy isn't needed here, well......... it is but not to save this relationship.
It's like you are comparing yourself to his daughters and keeping track on how much affection he is giving them vs. you.
Agree with SM.
daughter.".............
Then you go on to say...........
"I always encourage him to plan special trips to the beach, amusement parks and movies without me. So far they are ok with me, I don't see them too often but when I do we talk and catch on everything from hair and makeup to schools and boyfriends. What I would like for my BF is to respect my feelings and understand that this visual exaggerated displays of affection are troublesome to me. my parents gave me love, shelter and education and they are both nurturing, but never that touching lovi lovi. These young ladies are not 4yrs old, one is 18 and the other one 20."............This is interfering with how he interacts with his daughter(s).
Again, it really isn't your place to tell him how to interact with his daughters and that's what you are trying to do.
Therapy isn't needed here, well......... it is but not to save this relationship.
It's like you are comparing yourself to his daughters and keeping track on how much affection he is giving them vs. you.
Agree with SM.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I'm honestly not sure I'd analyze it that deeply. It is what it is. He is not bothered by her. He MIGHT get miffed if you make a stink about his daughter. She is an adult and will be less in his life with time but if he has the off button pushed, why do you want a man like that?
I just think you might be looking at this as a problem with his daughter but it is really a problem with him. No matter the cause, he is not affectionate. If you desire that, he may not be a good match for you. I'm sorry about that hon. It's hard to leave someone we care for. But sometimes to get what we want in life, we have to. good luck
I just think you might be looking at this as a problem with his daughter but it is really a problem with him. No matter the cause, he is not affectionate. If you desire that, he may not be a good match for you. I'm sorry about that hon. It's hard to leave someone we care for. But sometimes to get what we want in life, we have to. good luck
I see the point that you are making regarding his lack of public physical affection towards me. Point taken. Amazingly, I also just realized that the same way that the daughter caress his hair, puts her head on his shoulder, tickles him, hugs him, kisses his checks, etc. He just stays there dead! Brings me back to the fact that he is dead because that is his way to neutralize feeling sexual when the daughter is touching him.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Again, is it because he is not affectionate with you and rebuffs your attempts?
I think if he is protective of them, loves them dearly and happy with his relationship, your trying to make his daughter out to be a bad person for receiving/giving affection that she always has to her dad will ultimately make him leave the relationship with you hon.
As a mother, that kind of criticism would be a bit much for me to put up with.
However, as she gets older and on with her own life, she will most likely be less this way with him. She'll have a boyfriend and such and onto her own things.
But will he ever be affectionate with you? You could wait for her to grow up a bit and be more of her own person . . . but would that really change how he treats you?
I think if he is protective of them, loves them dearly and happy with his relationship, your trying to make his daughter out to be a bad person for receiving/giving affection that she always has to her dad will ultimately make him leave the relationship with you hon.
As a mother, that kind of criticism would be a bit much for me to put up with.
However, as she gets older and on with her own life, she will most likely be less this way with him. She'll have a boyfriend and such and onto her own things.
But will he ever be affectionate with you? You could wait for her to grow up a bit and be more of her own person . . . but would that really change how he treats you?
that's it right there, he does not hug them maybe when saying hello or good bye. He is caring, calls them every evening and shares with them on how the day was. and if they need money he is there for them. I don't have a problem with that at all. in fact I like that he is protective of them and shows them that he is there for them. What I do not like is that the younger daughter is all over him
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I'm not sure if you can expect someone to change how they show affection to their child. Is that the real problem or that he shows her more affection than he does you?
the couples therapy is not to interfere with his relationship with the daughter. I always encourage him to plan special trips to the beach, amusement parks and movies without me. So far they are ok with me, I don't see them too often but when I do we talk and catch on everything from hair and makeup to schools and boyfriends. What I would like for my BF is to respect my feelings and understand that this visual exaggerated displays of affection are troublesome to me. my parents gave me love, shelter and education and they are both nurturing, but never that touching lovi lovi. These young ladies are not 4yrs old, one is 18 and the other one 20.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there and welcome. I have to say that I agree with the comments by the other ladies. The issue isn't his daughter but what goes on between the two of you. He loves his daughter and they are close. That is a GOOD thing in my opinion. But he isn't affectionate with you and you are feeling left out.
I think regardless of his daughter, this makes this relationship problematic. Couples therapy for what? You can't try to use therapy to make him less close to his daughter hon. That would be a cruel thing to do. Most likely she will go on to have her own life soon enough. But you don't want to force that or he will possibly resent you.
good luck
I think regardless of his daughter, this makes this relationship problematic. Couples therapy for what? You can't try to use therapy to make him less close to his daughter hon. That would be a cruel thing to do. Most likely she will go on to have her own life soon enough. But you don't want to force that or he will possibly resent you.
good luck
If he acts dead when you caress him, I'm not sure I'd still be with him.
Even leaving the daughter completely out of the conversation, I'm not sure why you're with a man who doesn't respond to you sexually -
Even leaving the daughter completely out of the conversation, I'm not sure why you're with a man who doesn't respond to you sexually -
he had a bad experience with ex wife. it was a roller coaster, fights, she betrayed him. He had to go to court to gain visiting rights. and She got married immediately after the divorced and has a third 10yr old daughter
We have been dating for 2 and half years. I leave alone and he leaves with his oldest daughter (20yrs old). The oldest moved in with him after 2 weeks of us starting to date. He is a good man, humble and financially secured. I feel that he tries and it will hurt me if I let him go. I want to suggest if we can go to couples therapy, but am afraid he might get offended.
Maybe he is overcompensating with this behavior because he isn't able to spend a lot of time with his daughter? I can't really say the amount of affection he is showing towards his daughter is unusual or strange. Some families are like this. I've seen families who show very little emotion towards each other and others are always showing some type of physical affection.
The only thing I really see abnormal here is is that he shows NO affection towards you. That could be based on something other than the situation with his daughter.........might not have a thing to do with his daughter.
The only thing I really see abnormal here is is that he shows NO affection towards you. That could be based on something other than the situation with his daughter.........might not have a thing to do with his daughter.
How long have you been dating him?
Hon, you can't tell someone to change his parenting style because it doesn't suit you, however, you can choose not to except this and move on to a more compatible partner. If his daughter is getting all the affection and you are receiving none then he is telling you that's how it is going to be. If he indeed saw this as a problem and asked for your input then that would be different.
"Someone once told me that fathers that have that type of closeness with daughters learn to block feelings of sexual nature and this can affect the passionate affection that a partner seek in them.".............If you believe this then why continue to date this guy?
"Most of the times that we are alone on the sofa, in the car, etc. I caress him but i get no response from him. is like his dead."..................If he is doing this then why continue to date him?
Ask yourself............ Do I want to be with a man who I have doubts about who gives all of the affection to his daughter and none to me and who is NOT going to change this situation?
I think it is easier to walk.
Hon, you can't tell someone to change his parenting style because it doesn't suit you, however, you can choose not to except this and move on to a more compatible partner. If his daughter is getting all the affection and you are receiving none then he is telling you that's how it is going to be. If he indeed saw this as a problem and asked for your input then that would be different.
"Someone once told me that fathers that have that type of closeness with daughters learn to block feelings of sexual nature and this can affect the passionate affection that a partner seek in them.".............If you believe this then why continue to date this guy?
"Most of the times that we are alone on the sofa, in the car, etc. I caress him but i get no response from him. is like his dead."..................If he is doing this then why continue to date him?
Ask yourself............ Do I want to be with a man who I have doubts about who gives all of the affection to his daughter and none to me and who is NOT going to change this situation?
I think it is easier to walk.
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