Aa
*Second CHANCE*
I write this post with tears in my eyes and a lost of hope, I never got a second chance. Me and my bf or (ex) I still don’t know. A year a go I cheated on him at the time I was confused what I wanted or my feelings for him. We had been dating close to 6yrs and I made a big mistake that I regret with all my life. I beg him to stay with me. after that incident a year has pass but it seems that he never forgave me truly. when we argue about something small it ends up been about what I did a year ago. He breaks up with me all the time and I look for him and we get back together this has been going on for one year. Now its been 2days he doesn’t want to talk to me and hes bringing up the past AGAIN! I have said sorry a million times, done things for him, I have been an open book I never hide things I have not given him a reason NOW to not trust me… but it seems like I all I do is to waist. He wont validate nothing I have done for him. I feel like I lost the battle I love him I want him to be my husband… I regret my life my mistake. I pray to God to help me everyday I don’t know what to do to make him trust me. why would he still keep me for one year and until NOW he wants to get rid of me? I feel confused. Please advice. (Im 26 he is 28yrs.)
I don’t regret spending my last year fighting for Love at least I know I try. now I will just give up, I’m giving up on him. its hard saying bye to someone you love.
If you guys have time Listen to this song, speaks to my soul and how I really feel...
its Called: Say something by- A Great Big World :''{
If you guys have time Listen to this song, speaks to my soul and how I really feel...
its Called: Say something by- A Great Big World :''{
Yes, it is easy to say "move on". It's so very hard to do, we all certainly understand.
So this is your decision now. You know he is just not that kind of person to forgive.
What would be harder - realizing you've put MORE time into this relationship where you'll never be forgiven, or leaving now and not throwing good time after bad, as they say?
Breakups can be hard. But the worse regret is spending more time begging for forgiveness that will never come when you could be moving on and healing.
So this is your decision now. You know he is just not that kind of person to forgive.
What would be harder - realizing you've put MORE time into this relationship where you'll never be forgiven, or leaving now and not throwing good time after bad, as they say?
Breakups can be hard. But the worse regret is spending more time begging for forgiveness that will never come when you could be moving on and healing.
Its easy to say “move on” or “you learn as you live” my feeling are so strong, full or sadness regret and even though it happened a year ago its like the wound was reopen. I hear you guys talking about forgiving and even though that’s something I would love he is just not that kind of person. In no way I felt offended here, everyone has its own opinion in this matter that I respect. I’m 26yrs and I remember when young I used to say that by 25 I would be married with kids… NOT the case, I wish my self in 30yrs old hugs me now and tell me that its ok, that my life will be ok. Maybe I have lost him forever maybe one day he will come back to me… I don’t want to keep begging him to be with me, I also feel like I’m worth it I still have value… I’m hard working girl, who pays my dues on time, who is strong will but caring and loving. I have a lot to offer other then beauty. One day I will see the light.
Thank you all for the advise, life will surprised me one day with a smile again. Til then I will be here waiting for him.
Thank you all for the advise, life will surprised me one day with a smile again. Til then I will be here waiting for him.
I specifically said that I don't think you're a bad person. I think you made a mistake but I think it's a teachable moment for you. And I also think perhaps this may have been fate. Maybe it needed to happen because your relationship was missing something and that's why you did it. Now you're free to pursue something better. You have to turn this negative into a positive in order to move forward!
But I also really think your ship has sailed as far as the boyfriend. I don't think you should keep trying to get him to take you back because you'll just make him mad. Like I said, you live and learn. And he's gone now so what you have to do now is work on you. And as someone before me said, you're going to have to learn to forgive yourself before you can move on from this. So work on that and go from there. No use dwelling on what's done, time to move forward.
But I also really think your ship has sailed as far as the boyfriend. I don't think you should keep trying to get him to take you back because you'll just make him mad. Like I said, you live and learn. And he's gone now so what you have to do now is work on you. And as someone before me said, you're going to have to learn to forgive yourself before you can move on from this. So work on that and go from there. No use dwelling on what's done, time to move forward.
Yes sweetie, forgiving yourself is key here! U can't keep beating yourself up...
Tinker, I certainly have compassion for you. And no animosity - you didn't do anything to me, that's for sure.
I was speaking coming from the position of being in discussions with women who can not forgive things that have been done to them - how it haunts them to be unable, but they just can't. I see him that way - he just can't get out of his head what happened.
So, at this point, it's time to forgive yourself and move on, imho.
Best wishes.
I was speaking coming from the position of being in discussions with women who can not forgive things that have been done to them - how it haunts them to be unable, but they just can't. I see him that way - he just can't get out of his head what happened.
So, at this point, it's time to forgive yourself and move on, imho.
Best wishes.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I hope you don't feel judged here! It's hard--- I do believe we all make mistakes. I try to look at mine in terms of what I can take away that will help me in the future.
You actually do have my empathy. A decision we make hurts someone we love and ends up ruining something that we actually treasure. I can relate and I'm sure it hurts. But remember what I said, it is this type of life experience that makes us a wiser, better person. Hard times are followed by better times and I know you will have that. Keep your head up. I know not a single person that doesn't have something that they are ashamed of.
When the discussion of forgiving was mentioned earlier, it is not lost on me that you also need to forgive yourself. That is really key and you can't beat yourself up over this forever. It happened. Try to move on and give him some space. What will be will be. It's really hard not having control, I know. but you don't. So work on yourself--- throw yourself into work, your friend and family relationships, your hobbies, working out, etc. peace
You actually do have my empathy. A decision we make hurts someone we love and ends up ruining something that we actually treasure. I can relate and I'm sure it hurts. But remember what I said, it is this type of life experience that makes us a wiser, better person. Hard times are followed by better times and I know you will have that. Keep your head up. I know not a single person that doesn't have something that they are ashamed of.
When the discussion of forgiving was mentioned earlier, it is not lost on me that you also need to forgive yourself. That is really key and you can't beat yourself up over this forever. It happened. Try to move on and give him some space. What will be will be. It's really hard not having control, I know. but you don't. So work on yourself--- throw yourself into work, your friend and family relationships, your hobbies, working out, etc. peace
I know that there is no compassion for a cheater and for sure not looking for nobody to be nice to me or make me feel what I did was not that bad. I know what I did, I know my place I don’t know about the rest who have cheated but I can speak for my self and I feel horrible for how I let it go this far. My cheating was not like I was having sex for months nothing like that…. it was meaningless 2 min or less and that’s the truth, regardless I know still the act happened even if it was not even 5min. this doesn’t define the kind of person I am. I just wished I would known this back then. it hurts to be in my shoes because nobody knows what I feel, the shame and wanting to take it away. Me as the person who betray it hurts me a lot or even more because its something I have to live with, yea my relationship was not perfect with my bf but I had no reason to look for attention from someone else. I got burn and it hurts. I want compassion something ill never have. This is my life now :{
You're going to need to let him go. He has every right to be mad and not trust you anymore. Aside from something like, well, murder, cheating is the worst thing you can do to a partner. And I'm not trying to be mean but, If your boyfriend was my friend, I'd encourage him to stay broken up with you and not get back with you because people shouldn't tolerate being cheated on. It sets a bad precedent through the remainder of the relationship.
I think you have to look deep inside and try to figure out why you cheated in order to learn from this for your next relationship. The only time a person can cheat is when they don't have deep feelings for their significant other. The fact that you cheated means that on some level, you really don't love him as much as you think you do. Otherwise you never could have actually been able to go through with the cheating. People who truly deeply love their partner would never cheat on them. In the relationships I've had where I was deeply in love with the guy, I never even considered cheating, even though I had some opportunities. I said NO because I loved my boyfriend at the time and I wasn't interested in anyone else at all. But I've also been in a relationship where the guy was treating me very badly, and I cheated because by that point the relationship was already broken and I had one foot out the door by that time anyway. The difference is, when I was deeply in love, the thought of cheating never crossed my mind and I was completely grossed out by the idea. But when I was losing interest in the relationship, it made it really easy to cheat.
I think this is definitely a life lesson for you and I hope that you will learn from it so that your next relationship will be more successful. I don't think you're a bad person, not at all. But I think that this relationship wasn't right for you and you must have known that on some level, which made it so easy for you to cheat. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's done. Just commit to doing better next time and stick to it.
I think you have to look deep inside and try to figure out why you cheated in order to learn from this for your next relationship. The only time a person can cheat is when they don't have deep feelings for their significant other. The fact that you cheated means that on some level, you really don't love him as much as you think you do. Otherwise you never could have actually been able to go through with the cheating. People who truly deeply love their partner would never cheat on them. In the relationships I've had where I was deeply in love with the guy, I never even considered cheating, even though I had some opportunities. I said NO because I loved my boyfriend at the time and I wasn't interested in anyone else at all. But I've also been in a relationship where the guy was treating me very badly, and I cheated because by that point the relationship was already broken and I had one foot out the door by that time anyway. The difference is, when I was deeply in love, the thought of cheating never crossed my mind and I was completely grossed out by the idea. But when I was losing interest in the relationship, it made it really easy to cheat.
I think this is definitely a life lesson for you and I hope that you will learn from it so that your next relationship will be more successful. I don't think you're a bad person, not at all. But I think that this relationship wasn't right for you and you must have known that on some level, which made it so easy for you to cheat. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's done. Just commit to doing better next time and stick to it.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. I'm sorry you are hurting and I'm sure that since it is at the holiday time, that makes it feel even worse.
I think we do make mistakes in life. It's so hard when we do and the consequences from that mistake are huge like they are here. What can you do at this point? All I can say is that life takes twists and turns. I really believe that sometimes our mistakes are our greatest teachers. Never again will you risk a good relationship for a momentary fling. Never again will you take for granted a good relationship and will do what it takes to make it work. Those are really valuable lessons even though they are putting you through so much pain.
If he decides to be with you again, it won't happen because you want it to. it will happen because he does. Let this sit and give him his space. Down the road, he may find he does still love you enough to work on this. Or he may not. But you can do nothing about either of those. you have to go on about your life with your head held high. your mistake has made you a wiser woman and THAT makes you a more desirable partner.
Wishing you all the best. keep a journal for your emotions, stay busy, seek some counseling on your own, and try to exercise as that is good for mind, body and spirit. peace
I think we do make mistakes in life. It's so hard when we do and the consequences from that mistake are huge like they are here. What can you do at this point? All I can say is that life takes twists and turns. I really believe that sometimes our mistakes are our greatest teachers. Never again will you risk a good relationship for a momentary fling. Never again will you take for granted a good relationship and will do what it takes to make it work. Those are really valuable lessons even though they are putting you through so much pain.
If he decides to be with you again, it won't happen because you want it to. it will happen because he does. Let this sit and give him his space. Down the road, he may find he does still love you enough to work on this. Or he may not. But you can do nothing about either of those. you have to go on about your life with your head held high. your mistake has made you a wiser woman and THAT makes you a more desirable partner.
Wishing you all the best. keep a journal for your emotions, stay busy, seek some counseling on your own, and try to exercise as that is good for mind, body and spirit. peace
I agree with Rosy. This may be time to let it go.
I'm in a women's group and we're doing a study series on forgiveness, and your post really struck a cord with me. After weeks of discussing people who won't forgive us, and people we can't forgive, I can really see both sides to your story.
He can't forgive you. You did something purposefully, and it's a part of your character. This wasn't a mistake, Tinker, you have revealed your character to him and he realizes that. A mistake would be like carelessly leaving the oven on in his house and it burned down. Even that's hard to forgive, actually, but it's a whole different category.
You don't say anything about what he was like before you cheated, but I think this one relationship is now completely over and just causing you both pain.
I'm in a women's group and we're doing a study series on forgiveness, and your post really struck a cord with me. After weeks of discussing people who won't forgive us, and people we can't forgive, I can really see both sides to your story.
He can't forgive you. You did something purposefully, and it's a part of your character. This wasn't a mistake, Tinker, you have revealed your character to him and he realizes that. A mistake would be like carelessly leaving the oven on in his house and it burned down. Even that's hard to forgive, actually, but it's a whole different category.
You don't say anything about what he was like before you cheated, but I think this one relationship is now completely over and just causing you both pain.
Sweetie, I am sorry for what you are going through! It truly is a terrible situation... The thing is, he may be right! It may be time to let him go and move forward. I know that this isn't what you want to do but it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for either of you at this point.
I know I broke what we had for 6yrs, I destroy everything but all I wanted was a 2nd chance. We never went to counseling I mention it to him but he says its too late. He tells me to get the hell out of his life that I’m a liar and do many hurtful things. I never thought I was going to be the type of girl to let a man talk down to me or treat me like I don’t care but I feel like for what ive done I deserve all this. Im scared if I let him go he will marry someone else other than with me. my heart is broken and its my fault.
Sometimes their are things that you just can't fix regardless of how bad you may want to.
In his defense, He truly may have thought it was something he could move on from. ( Doesn't sound like he has at all.) Breaking the bonds if trust by stepping out of your relationship is a HUGE hurt and not a minor mistake. Have the two of you sought couples counseling?? It may really help you both..
Maybe, he just needs time and space! Their is a saying"if you love someone set them free, if they come back its meant to be." No matter what you have learned a very valuable life lesson. Never forget this experience and use it to grow. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
In his defense, He truly may have thought it was something he could move on from. ( Doesn't sound like he has at all.) Breaking the bonds if trust by stepping out of your relationship is a HUGE hurt and not a minor mistake. Have the two of you sought couples counseling?? It may really help you both..
Maybe, he just needs time and space! Their is a saying"if you love someone set them free, if they come back its meant to be." No matter what you have learned a very valuable life lesson. Never forget this experience and use it to grow. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
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