Husbands libito is zero

[joyfulday]

I am in a new marraige,I only dated my my husband 10 mon before marraige.We had sex 4 times during that time.It was great...He  then told me he was uncomfortable having sex while we were not married.I thought thats ok,we were 2 months before the marraige date and we could enjoy each other all the time after that.Well we had a 13 day honey moon on a beautiful island,,we had sex on day 10 of the trip after I became so angry for him not wanting sex the whole week...Well here it is a year a year later and we hardly ever have sex,,I am so frustrated,I have begged him to go to counceling,he went and got Viagra but refuses to take it..I am 44 and he is 50 in great shape very musclular.He has a excuse every time I try to initate sex..Here are examples..I am to full..I am hungry..I am to tired..It is to late..It is to early.. My back hurts and so on..He says nothing is wrong with him...But duh,,if you only have sex every 8 weeks there is a problem..I am a attractive woman and I look younger than my age..I just dont get it..it hurts my feelings and I tell him.I feel rejected..
he is affectionate other wise  kissing,hugging ,back rubs.It confuses me so much.I do know he has ADD but so do alot of people and they still have ative sex lives..Please help if anybody has advise..
Thanks

[Rafa67]

wow sounds like my wife and im frustrated she says its not me and i know there's no one else, she says its menopause boy if that's what woman go through on menopause men be very very understanding cuz its a ruff ride not fun at all ,, iv heard men divorcing there wife's cuz of it ,, it has crossed my mine but its not something im going to do I just got to be patient, understanding and hope that after all this our relationship and sex life will be great!!....

[Crystlas]

I am glad I could help.  Let me know if this method works for you guys.  Message me so this post in the forum does not get lost in the shuffle!  Best wishes.

[joyfulday]

Thanks for your suggestion,,yep my husband gets so side tracked and has a hard time focusing.He does do better with scheduling..I want to get to the bottom of all this.I really believe he loves me.I just want to be more intimate.

I was surprised darkxflame at the asexuality web site..I did not know that kind exsisted but I do see my husband in that also...hummm what to do...

[Crystlas]

Hey there.  My fiance has ADD too.  He is 22 and already struggles with our sex life.  He gets distracted easily and sometimes forgets about lovemaking time.  I know how you feel, but there is a solution.  We schedule sex.  I know that sounds crazy for a young couple, (I am 32).  Anyhow, we get our schedules each week and plan evenings together and stick to them.  He has to be very scheduled about everything in life to keep his ADD under control.  So maybe you can tell him this information and he would be willing to schedule just one day a week to start, to be intimate with you.  Then increase it to two.  I hope this helps!  Best of luck to you!

[joyfulday]

Thank you for your comments, I so appreciate them.

[darkxflame]

He may very well be asexual. Some people are just not interested in sex and that's ok - don't try to change him. It would be like trying to make a straight person be gay or visa versa, it just won't work. If you love him you can work something out or if sex is that important to you then you might have to look for someone else. The not comfortable with sex before marriage thing is a common thing for asexuals to say to get out of having sex.

I suggest you vist www.asexuality.org - this a very helpful site. Good luck to both of you.

[jml1986]

First off, if he says it is nothing to do with you, believe him that is totally true. Most men have no idea why they can't or don't want to preform. I would be willing to guess that it is either medical reason or possibly a side effect of medication. I think he needs to see a doctor. If there is no medical reason there could be a mental block so next I would explore that. He sounds like he loves you so surely he would be willing to find out why if he knows how hurt you are. I would exhaust every avenue possible, but if you are still not satisfied, you may need to take another look at your marriage.

[mayflowers]

He sounds like either he is a guy with a very low sex drive or he could be gay and tried to cover it up by getting married.  This is not as far fetched as it sounds.  I know someone who had this happen to her.  The guy never wanted sex, but they ended up having 2 children, and then he left her for his now life-partner.  He always treated her like a queen, and she gets a great alimony so will never have to work again in her life.  

We all know that one of the reasons people get married is for the sex.  If he were in an accident or had some sort of medical condition, that's a different story but it doesn't sound like the case here.

If it were me, I couldn't be married to someone who didn't want to be intimate with me on a regular basis.  It makes people feel good about themselves to be loved in a physical way.  If you're not having sex, you're really just good friends. And you don't have to be married to be good friends with someone.

[RockRose]

I think you need to make a decision here.

Either you want to live a sexless but enjoyable life with him,  he has a lot of positives.

Or,  you can make the decision you don't want to live in a sex free marriage and leave him.  

If he were trying to change,  or said there was a problem,  that would be a totally different thing.  

Best wishes.