I felt like I had no option

[jon_snow]

Dear readers,
                    I've recently gotten married and not even 5 months yet and I've already regret I did. Because of desperation and loneliness I married my first real girlfriend. I even thought I had erectile dysfunction but it was just in my mind. All my life whenever I had some fixable issues I never told anyone I always felt that I would be laughed at.I wanted help on attracting women and allot of dating experience but was to proud to ask for help. Fast forward now I had a problem with my wife talking to her ex-boyfriend but instead of talking to her like a civilized person I came on to her aggressively. She needed to something her ex could help her so I allowed him to get it for her but its just that when I saw Web history looks like she wad talking to him but when I asked her to show me the messages I only saw two messages and she deleted the rest. The problem I have and it's a big issue in our relationship is that if he text her I feel that she should tell me when he did and show the text to me.she feels that somethings isn't necessary to tell me and I make it a big deal. I just feel that being married to me I should know things because if she doesn't tell me I might see a text or something and be suspicious of something but if I known then I wouldn't be. Maybe I make big deal of things because im inexperienced with woman but if I feel some way I just feel it's right. Readers what's yall advice?

Ps..its one case she was talking to him because he had her uncle in problems and was in an argument with him about it to stay away from her family.

[jon_snow]

Your so right

[jon_snow]

And I do be aggressive I must admit I'm trying to change. I got married to her 4 months after being together with her. My mother is very disappointed in me and she doesn't like it. I felt so lonely in fact I was lonely since I could remember. To be perfectly honest with you if I never use to aggressively argue with her on simple issues she would still be happy a lovey dovey with me.she was very open with me but I know thats changed. Maybe because I come on to aggressive or that if I think she's lying I won't believe.

[jon_snow]

I do love her. At our justice of the peace wedding I was very happy that day. But right now as I write you this she is not on good terms with me.i brought up the topic of her talking with him behind my back a few days ago and she told me not every thing she has to tell me and that she is tired of me bothering her about the subject and she wouldn't mind a divorce. She said that she knows her limits and it's not me who must tell her how far to go but she knows herself and she is not a child. Her ex is in another country actually so I know there is nothing going on it's just that I saw a few messages on Facebook although I did not read them when she decided to show me them she deleted them and only kept two. My issue is why she's even lying about  it was only those messages what you have to hide by deleting them. Yea I knew I was settling. But went ahead anyways. I just like when people are honest and I feel if im your husband whatever you, you tell me and it would not be any fuss and likewise to me.  But right now she has changed with me completely and does barely talk.

[specialmom]

I was going to ask if you trust her.  I agree marriage is very much about trust.  Do you think she has something going on with her ex?

Now, here's the thing.  I think if you have expressed concern about her communication with him and she ignores that and actually gets angry with you, that's a problem.  If my husband said to me that something I did made him feel uncomfortable, I would reassure him and make some changes.

it concerns me if she won't do that.  

I don't think it is unreasonable to have expectations and boundaries as to your spouse and her communication with an ex boyfriend.  I wouldn't be happy with my husband chit chatting, texting, lunching leaning on in hard times his ex at all.  

So, I'm with you.  And if she is resistant to that, I'd worry.  

don't be aggressive but just straight forward.  never act like a bully but you can absolutely tell her exactly where your boundary is.

I am also concerned, though, that you say you are with her in such a way that makes it sound like you knew ahead of time you were just settling and this might be a bad idea.  That you are with her just to be with someone.  Do you love her?

[VICourageous]

Ditto..You are right..It takes two and we become one..What is mine is his too & the other way too.. Communication about EVERYTHING is good..You need each other to hold each other up..Sit down and tell her how you feel..ASAP!

Bless

[ROSYouralright]

Marriage takes trust....
and lots of open, honest communication. I don't think she should have anything to hide from you but I also don't think you should have to look over her shoulder... If its really bothering you, sit down and discuss it with her without being aggressive...