the last few months I have been dreaming of my ex boyfriend from 10 and a half years ago. I am married with a 7 month old baby, my marriage is having a lot of problems at the moment as well.
I have always loved my ex, we were together for 4 years off and on (the the off times were still pretty much on) we have a very strong connection, but were both very head strong. We got together when we were both 18 and split when we were 22 when I moved interstate. I met my husband in the new state and have been with him for 10 years married for 3. \
Recently I have just started dreaming of my ex... not sexual really, just hanging out and having a great time klike we never broke up. Since the dreams started, I have been thinking of him a lot and wondering what if I didn't move interstate?.
The other day he announced that he was engaged, this really disappointed me, even though we haven't seen each other in 9 years and only keep contact through facebook.
I dream about him every night now, and he consumes my thoughts through the day.
Hi there and welcome. Wow, still disappointed that an ex got engaged after 13 years with your husband!
Well, sometimes dreams are just trying to work out some emotions that we have lingering. The dreams should be less and less. Something has made you start thinking of him again and your subconsious may be trying to work that out. But I personally do not think dreams of what you describe really mean much other than that. No, doesn't mean that you are still in love with him. It just means you are still processing what happened but not even on a regular basis. Just right now as you began having dreams recently.
I'd try not to worry about it very much and instead, throw yourself into your current life. Plan some dates with your husband, make your currently home life great!! THAT is your life. The rest is just your past or fantasy.
I actually can relate to what you're saying, to a point. I was with my ex for about 3.5 years until we finally broke up. I met my hubby not long after. I had a rough time getting over him, and still felt strong feelings for him, and thought of him often for YEARS, even after my husband and I got married. We're both married to other people, with families of our own.
Now, as the years went by, I thought of him less and less, but even to this day (nearly 20 years later), I still dream of him probably at least once a week, and like you describe, nothing sexual, just daily stuff, as though he is in my life in some respect. Do I still love him? No. Am I still IN love with him? No. I think that he just made a pretty big impression on me, and actually, a lot of that was because we had a very cat and mouse kind of relationship for a long time...I always felt as though I was chasing after him. HE decided to end the relationship when we split, so I had some difficulty with closure.
When I look back however, I realize that our relationship wasn't all it was cracked up to be. While he was good to me and we had a lot of fun, there was a lot of game playing, again, that cat and mouse, which was maddening, but it made me want him that much more. So, I think in some respect, THAT part of our relationship made an impact on me more than anything, and it's almost like, in my subconscious, I'm still on the chase. As far as the emotions and feelings making an impression on me, not so much.
I've realized that the dreams mean absolutely nothing. I'm happily married with a man who is cut and dry, who loves me unconditionally, and while, after 15 years of marriage, things can be kind of hum drum, I have security and contenment with him. My ex is happy and has a family of his own, which I'm glad for, I'm glad he found someone who was more "right" than me.
I wouldn't give this much thought, honestly. I think your emotions are normal, especially after having the dream..it brought thoughts of your ex to the forefront of your mind, and it's easy to interpret those thoughts and feelings as CURRENT emotions, when the fact is, after all of this time, there isn't the same connection. If you met up with him tomorrow, you would likely be very disappointed to discover you do NOT have those kinds of "feelings" for him. And I don't believe that dreams are some kind of sign either. I think, like SM said, dreams are just the way our minds process info that floats around in our minds...from old stuff, to current stuff, and it comes out as a little story. I OFTEN dream I'm back in HS, but as a 40 year old woman (yea, it's odd and disturbing, lol)...and when I dream about people I may have had DEEP feelings for in my 20's, those feelings come back in the dream,. but when I wake up, I'm back to reality.
Don't confuse yourself by making more out of this than is there. It's kind of normal I think to get a twinge of an odd feeling when we hear an ex we may have been very enamored with has moved on, but it should be fleeting and short lived, and replaced with happiness that that person has found someone to spend their life with.
If I had to bet, I would guess your relationship with your ex was much like mine was with my ex. I KNOW for a fact that the cat and mouse aspect of our relationship is why I was sort of stuck with him in my mind, and in my dreams all of these years..it was that feeling that the chase never ended appropriately, we didn't take our relationship seriously enough back then. I also came to realize that for that reason, our relationship wasn't as "great" as I thought it was. I can say this with certainty, because I had two other long-term BF's before my hubby who I had MUCH deeper, MUCH more intense feelings for, compared to the ex, yet HE was always the one that stayed with me after I moved on, not the others. I bet your situation is the same.
Okay, sometimes we dream of ex's. I do it also. But I do not allow it to effect my daily living. I think you need 'closure'. A good way to do that is to write him a letter and say all of the things you want to say, then say good bye at the end. Take the letter to a safe place (like a concrete area or asphalt or bare dirt), say 'goodbye (Bob). And set it on fire. In this way, you are sending all of those consuming feelings away into the wind, where they will go forever. Sounds weird, I know, but I have done this a time or two, and it definitely helps alot. When you catch yourself thinking of him afterwards, immediately and deliberately move your thoughts to something else. God Bless - Blu
I don't know if what I have to say is of much benefit 'cuz this particular "dream" has never happened to me.
what occurs to me is this: a dream is a dream, is a dream.
Do We NEED to/HAVE to/TRYto - put MEANING on dreams?? I think the answer to that is: NO. We often have silly, meaningless dreamsthat We don't put "meaning" to. Dreams may be/can be/ are JUST dreams No Bid Deal!
You moved on TEN YEARS ago!! YOU began ANOTHER relationship!! YOU had a CHILD!!. and now, TEN YEARS LATER!! (when You are having problems in Your Relationship) You are "disappointed"(??!!) that He has announced that He is engaged(??!!)
(I am trying really hard not to say how selfish I think this is of You)
HoneyGirl, I JUST AM NOT GETTING THIS!!
Okay, I can understand that YOU made a mistake. BUT, pick up Your OWN pieces and leave HIM alone.
Both the ex and your husband have qualities that you desire.
The dreams are your subconscious choice shortcomings rising to the surface. Be happy that you had the experience of both. Monogoism is a socially based and if we were married to all the people in the word at the same time we would be totally fullfilled.
I don't think it is Your "dreams" that are the most disconcerting thing You speak of here. We have no control over what we dream.
I'm more concerned that You are "disappointed that He's engaged" AND that He "consumes Your thoughts through the day". You do have control over Your waking thoughts.
You allude to "problems" in Your marriage. Not knowing what Your "problems" are, I suggest that 'fantisizing' about an old boyfriend is not helpful to Your situation. Turn Your focus on Your Marriage (Family) and don't worry about what You dream while You sleep.
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