questions from my bf/bd

[twinsohlord]

My baby father wants to know how to get his bm (not me) to understand that its over like he don't want to be her firend either because she said our baby will be retarded ... He wants her to stop asking him why he don't answer or what he's doing or anything else that have nothing to do with his kids he wants her to realize she Dont own him because she had kids with him first .. She has no respect for our relationship  

She's doing everything to keep me from bonding with my step daughter like she don't want me to get her for a full week while he works which was cool with me .. She said in a text y'all just over there being a happy family with my kids ... Which I'm not trying to replace her at all .. If he Dont answer or reply to her text she will text and say this the last time my baby calling to you wanna have a family with that ***** you not bout to break my daughters heart ... How do he get her to move on

[specialmom]

There is some history here and the poster is also having his child.  I think a relationship established that is JUST about the child is what they want so that he can indeed be a father but the ex tries to create a different dynamic out of it that involves HER and even sex.  Unacceptable.  luck to the poster

[Amibk]

Maybe she wants him to be a father to his children instead of just a baby daddy.

[twinsohlord]

I hope so

[specialmom]

Well, she sounds pretty awful, no doubt.  I would say that he can say if she says something about you" hey, let's stick to talking about X (the little girl's name) and . . .' whatever they need to talk about with that.  

Or he can say when she asks why he can't be with her or have sex with her that he can't because he loves you.  but he also loves his daughter.  So let's talk about X (little girl's name).  

Or if she says something terrible, he can say "alright.  Well, is there anthying else regarding X that we need to talk about?"  If she continues to talk about you, then he says "okay, well I'll talk to you later." and says bye and hangs up.  

Listen, I've had super annoying people before.  She does have something he needs and wants . . .  their daughter.  So, he can't just cut her off.  So, he uses professional type of talk with her.  If she is complaining, he says "I'm sorry to hear that."  Then nothing else.  

He leaves no wiggle room and doesn't really respond to talk other than what is about his daughter.  

I know this seems hard but it CAN be done.  And its about the only way.  he can't just never talk to her again.  so, if he is just business like only with her, she'll get the hint.  She sounds like the kind of woman that is going to hook up with another man real soon because she doesn't want to be alone.  then she won't bug your guy so much.  

Does that make sense?  

[twinsohlord]

She wants to talk about why hes with me not her and if he can have sex with her I've been right there when she says these things and he tried to be friendly but this chick takes friendly as a leap of faith I do try n do my own thing but she leeps mentioning me n my retarded baby I'd never go about kids o Dont even tell her she's ugly cause she already knows that I just see him trying so hard to make a way for us to be happy along with his kid but we know she tells the little girl that her dad don't love her because of me .  she's very vindictive ... N he didn't tell her to get a job he just wishes she would so she can stop saying she can't buy papers .. But she sure do manage to keep her phone on

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I have to say in reading a number of responses I often think you are definitely just trying to do the right thing.  This is a tough one.  In truth, if the ex wants to be 'friendly' ---  that is a good thing.  Friends is different.  Friends get together to hang out and chit chat about this and that.  Friendly means cordial, answering calls, texts that pertain to the child and being businesslike.  

I think he should stick to friendly and stay away from friends.

he can't tell her to get a job.  he's not with her and that is none of his business.  He pays his child support.  If he worries about his child and wants to give more, he can but that is a choice.  he doesn't have to.  And if he tells her to get a job, that goes back to his trying to be her 'friend' and being too close to her.  he should stay away from any type of conversation like that with her.

I think perhaps he's been 'too' friendly.  You can be polite, carry on the business of coparenting and just leave it at that.  In time she will understand that this is all that is going to happen.  she'll grow tired of his stonewalling her attempts and will then go on being polite and friendly herself (hopefully as it is so much easier when it is cordial than when it is two people mad at each other fighting).  

Now, the retarded comment wasn't nice.  /but I would suggest that you and your boyfriend just let that go.  We ALL say things when angry.  Not right.  But it happens.  I'm sure you've done it too. Yes, a very low blow to take a shot at someone's baby to be for sure.  But in the big scheme of things, just try to not think about this or worry about it and chalk it up to her being jealous that he's started another family and worried about what this means for her and her kids.  (IE:  he has more people who need him now, he belongs to another woman, etc.)

It's hard to navigate those step parenting issues.  I picture someone mothering my kids.  Ouch.  That hurts.  But if I stop and think about it . . .   I'd much rather that than someone being rude to them or not liking them or not letting them see their dad.  So, I would also just do your thing with the little girl and try not to worry about her reaction.  Be respectful in front of her referring to her as the little girls mama (or whatever she calls her).  Let your boyfriend conduct all business regarding the child.  You just be his support at home.  It's easier that way because then she can never blame you.

That's just my advice anyway.  I wish you the best of luck

[twinsohlord]

They take child support out his check n I get his stubs n the rest of his cash

[twinsohlord]

They take child support out his check n I get his stubs n the rest of his cash

[BabyCrixus]

Make sure he's not paying her in cash. That's a biiiiig no.

[brittany0107]

Go for split custody. He won't have to pay child support. And that way she can't hold the baby against him. Save any threatening messages or any that are harassing. Once you go for split custody, show the judge the messages. Even take then and file harassment charges.
Kill her with kindness. She won't know what to do.
Don't put up with that, it's completely unfair to your stepchild and your future child!
Nobody ever sees the man's point of view, so make everything court ordered. Forget her!

[Ftm0107]

Some girls just won't get over a guy. If he has a job he should take himself to court for child support because then she cant say anything about who he is with when his kids come over. I tell this to my brother and cousins all the time. Ill be damned if a girl tries to keeps kids from them

[twinsohlord]

He tells her to stop n he even stop giving her money n instead he go buy what she asked about like onesies or pampers she is crazy she followed us one day

[LilyRay]

If he pays child support then he doesnt have to give her extra money on the side. He needs to put his foot doen and tell her ti back off and if it aint about the kids then he dont need to hear about it. She wont stop until he tells her too. Been in ur shoes before and it is not fun just watching her take advantage of him but he has to put a stop to it.

[twinsohlord]

Ugh my bd so annoying I asked him anything else he's all no soon as I hit send he got so much to say .... He wants her to get a job because she Already get child support and cash assistance n stamps plus wic but she still every single time he gets paid she say the baby need this or that which is cool but what do you do with your money u don't pay rent or have a car where is you money going... We can't even move n get our car because of her using her kids to get his money ..

[twinsohlord]

An stop using his baby against him