Aa
I need help with this one
I've just learned that I have been used as back-up date for a guy I liked. I was 1 of about 10 women. I thought we had something special but it turns out he was just using me for sex and to stroke his ego.
I understand this but on someone level I still believe we could be a great couple. I know this is crazy but I can't seem to help thinking this way. How can I get him off my mind and out of my heart?
He is hard to get and I have to admit I like that in a guy. Does anyone have any good advice on how to stop wanting someone who doesn't want me?
I understand this but on someone level I still believe we could be a great couple. I know this is crazy but I can't seem to help thinking this way. How can I get him off my mind and out of my heart?
He is hard to get and I have to admit I like that in a guy. Does anyone have any good advice on how to stop wanting someone who doesn't want me?
I just wanted to make one last comment to you. Just because this man wants to have sex with you doesn't mean he loves you or cares for you in any meaninful way. I hope you not sitting around and waiting for him to call.
D
D
It's true that this is a free forum and some comments people may not like. However, I think we can all still be polite. I agree with Dove, I think it was rude the way Waringblender told Teko to "back off". That was very confrontational. Also, it was rude to comment on people's spelling and make them feel like they are somehow not as good as her. How arrogant is that. And You are right, there was nothing wrong with Teko telling her to get tested for STD's. She did say she had sex with a guy who slept around. Why in the world would we have to go to another forum to tell her that? This was good advice.
There's never any reason to get rude, ever. Let's all try to be respectful of each other and polite.
There's never any reason to get rude, ever. Let's all try to be respectful of each other and polite.
This is the second post I have read about you and this so called "hero" of yours. It caught my eye because you sound and there is no nice way to put this but you sound pathetic. I'm sure if you keep what you posted and look back on it in 5 years you will see this also. At least for your sake I hope so.
Good Luck Kid,
Dove
Good Luck Kid,
Dove
Why should Teko "back off" this is a forum about and including STD's. Seems like your a little emotional today.
I would not have sex with some man that sleeps with anyone he can. It sounds like Romulus would have sex with this guy condom or no condom. Perhaps because she may have the body of an adult but the mind of a child.
Dove
I would not have sex with some man that sleeps with anyone he can. It sounds like Romulus would have sex with this guy condom or no condom. Perhaps because she may have the body of an adult but the mind of a child.
Dove
I think comments - whether positive or negative - to other posters are completely FINE. If someone sees something they don't agree with, it's ok to say so. This is a FREE forum and if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. People are going to disagree with other people. It's life, get over it.
Waring can say whatever they want about anything. We need more posters like her/him anyway.
Waring can say whatever they want about anything. We need more posters like her/him anyway.
waring - I've really liked all your posts thus far, but your personal attack on Teko was way out of line, and not germane to the poster's topic.
Thank you everyone for the great advice. It has all helped me a lot. I also posted on the other divorce/breakup forum b/c I wasn't sure which one would be better for my issue. Seems that both are great and have good advice-givers!
Waringblender, you have a great point there about why I like men that are hard to get. I do have father issues, always have. I mean, my dad was a good dad but never really paid any attention to me. This is all starting to sound familiar now. I am in therapy, just started a few weeks ago and I will definitely address this with my dr. Thank you so much for such sound advice. I really think that you have helped me move on from him. You're very good at this!
And all, yes, I do like to have sex and always, ALWAYS use a condom. Sex is a normal human function but we have to be safe about it right or else I will just take care of myself in that way.
Waringblender, you have a great point there about why I like men that are hard to get. I do have father issues, always have. I mean, my dad was a good dad but never really paid any attention to me. This is all starting to sound familiar now. I am in therapy, just started a few weeks ago and I will definitely address this with my dr. Thank you so much for such sound advice. I really think that you have helped me move on from him. You're very good at this!
And all, yes, I do like to have sex and always, ALWAYS use a condom. Sex is a normal human function but we have to be safe about it right or else I will just take care of myself in that way.
April, I'll check your spelling and grammar for you anytime, because I know there won't be much work involved! Even if you do have a misspelling or two (who doesn't--I even catch 'em in my posts sometimes), at least your writing is never "grammatically challenging" for me to read! :-D
Hey AJ! How've you been? I haven't talked to you in so long! Hope you're doing well.
Can you check my spelling and grammer for me? Tee hee :D
Can you check my spelling and grammer for me? Tee hee :D
Thanks AJ! All these screennames!!! I type kind of fast, so my spelling suffers sometimes :D I've noticed that since I've been using spellchecker, my spelling has really gone downhill.
Watch how you spell waringblender's screenname now...it is waringblender without the "e," after all.
But I don't think spell check would've caught your honest mistake, or possibly waringblender's honest mistake, seeing as "waring" and "wearing" are both correct spellings, but two entirely different meanings (unless waringblender is Scottish, then "waring" has a similar meaning to "wearing").
Just thought I'd point that out, seeing as how she is a fan of correct spelling. ;-)
But I don't think spell check would've caught your honest mistake, or possibly waringblender's honest mistake, seeing as "waring" and "wearing" are both correct spellings, but two entirely different meanings (unless waringblender is Scottish, then "waring" has a similar meaning to "wearing").
Just thought I'd point that out, seeing as how she is a fan of correct spelling. ;-)
Why don't you look at him as someone you see "in the meantime" before you meet the guy you were meant to be with? Maybe you two have some good times together but in the long run, is this someone you really want to grow old with? I doubt it. If he can carry on 10 relationships at a time, what else is he doing? Men like that dont' make good mates. Believe me, I've been there. Have fun with him but if you can't, then do your best to get him out of your life and like waringblender said, look for a therapist to find out why you want men you can't have. Whatever you do, don't be too hard on yourself. You were getting something too out of having him in your life. He made you think and challenged you. Maybe you needed that in your life. We all need guys like that once in a while but you don't marry those men. You play with them.
Wearingblender - That's a good analogy about the father issue. Very true.
Wearingblender - That's a good analogy about the father issue. Very true.
If she starts talking about "magical thinking" I'm outta here!
We did have some pretty good debates, didn't we?
We did have some pretty good debates, didn't we?
WOW! You remind me *SO* much of a previous person on this site called "barnbabe," lol! Especially with your confrontational standpoints and remarks and/or opinions of STDs, sexuality, abortions, women who may have had a bad male influence while in their formative years, and the expression "yeesh." I'm almost tempted to ask if you believe in a certain mythological creature! :-)
(If it is you, barnbabe, welcome back, lol.)
(If it is you, barnbabe, welcome back, lol.)
It is really quite simple, he was honest with you and you still slept with him and he does not think of you as a serious partner. Time to move on. It may take awhile to get over him, but you will be much better off in the end.
Here's what's wrong with you: You probably had male role models as a young girl (father or whoever else) who withheld love from you, so when a man expresses openness about wanting you, it is "unfamiliar." What is familiar to you is the chase - for the guy who doesn't appear to want you, behaves as if he doesn't want you, or treats you like ****. This is such a common scenario for women because so many women grew up with fathers who were just downright crappy in their parenting of their daughters. They were either so shut down emotionally that they couldn't express love appropriately for their daughters (common with Baby Boomer's parents, who were raised before World War II), or there was some other emotional baggage being played out with the children in the family.
In any event, what you need is a good therapist to sort through all of this, otherwise this pattern will just continue. You are already continuing it - by convincing yourself that somehow this guy wants only you, when his behavior clearly indicates otherwise.
Ditch the guy, find a good therapist, and work on your issues. Then you'll be ready for a really great guy who comes along and truly accepts and loves you and can express it appropriately.
As for "teko," back off on the sex/STD stuff. There is another forum for that here. Romulus is fine using condoms. That is what she should be doing. The risk of STDs is the risk we ALL take in being sexual - most people are perfectly comfortable using condoms to minimize the risk. So back the hell off. FYI, HIV in the hetero community is not common. You might want to do a little research on STD transmission before you start spouting off your holier-than-thou rant about the "dangers" of STDs.
Your remark about sex not being a "sport" is completely inappropriate as well. It's none of your business how anybody approaches their sexuality. Some people are emotionally fine with multiple partners, some people are not. Who are you to judge. Yeesh.
Romulus, you can nip this by finding a decent therapist to help you work through it. These patterns can be difficult to overcome alone. Good luck.
In any event, what you need is a good therapist to sort through all of this, otherwise this pattern will just continue. You are already continuing it - by convincing yourself that somehow this guy wants only you, when his behavior clearly indicates otherwise.
Ditch the guy, find a good therapist, and work on your issues. Then you'll be ready for a really great guy who comes along and truly accepts and loves you and can express it appropriately.
As for "teko," back off on the sex/STD stuff. There is another forum for that here. Romulus is fine using condoms. That is what she should be doing. The risk of STDs is the risk we ALL take in being sexual - most people are perfectly comfortable using condoms to minimize the risk. So back the hell off. FYI, HIV in the hetero community is not common. You might want to do a little research on STD transmission before you start spouting off your holier-than-thou rant about the "dangers" of STDs.
Your remark about sex not being a "sport" is completely inappropriate as well. It's none of your business how anybody approaches their sexuality. Some people are emotionally fine with multiple partners, some people are not. Who are you to judge. Yeesh.
Romulus, you can nip this by finding a decent therapist to help you work through it. These patterns can be difficult to overcome alone. Good luck.
You just said it right there. He's a challenge. It's the excitement. We always seem to want what we can't have, lol.
You deserve better though. Have more respect for yourself and start looking for someone who can give you what you are looking for and deserve. There are plenty of great guys out there. Start looking.
You deserve better though. Have more respect for yourself and start looking for someone who can give you what you are looking for and deserve. There are plenty of great guys out there. Start looking.
I always made him use condoms and I've been checked out by a dr for STD and am fine.
The problem I have is that he is a good guy - he was honest about not wanting to get serious with me and he treated me with respect. I honestly believe he likes me. He's in the Army and is a hero. People love him, they only say great things about him. I just want him so badly but he doesn't want me. I wish I didn't want or need him so much. If he were a bad or mean person, I could leave him but he isn't. He is really a good person.
The sad part is that there are nice guys who want to be with me but they aren't a challenge or they seem boring to me. What is wrong with me?
The problem I have is that he is a good guy - he was honest about not wanting to get serious with me and he treated me with respect. I honestly believe he likes me. He's in the Army and is a hero. People love him, they only say great things about him. I just want him so badly but he doesn't want me. I wish I didn't want or need him so much. If he were a bad or mean person, I could leave him but he isn't. He is really a good person.
The sad part is that there are nice guys who want to be with me but they aren't a challenge or they seem boring to me. What is wrong with me?
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