This isn't right!!!?

[Oneluv118]

So I'm thorougly pissed right the F* off. I have NO one else to vent to ......so any responses will be very appreciated. I have been with my man for a long time.....I'm pregnant with my second child...we have a son together. He decides that he can go on vaca and even miss our anniv. he went with FOUR SINGLE men and I know he's loyal.. thats not what really bothers me, I trust him, except for the fact that he "doesn't drink" and now has had drinks, he's having the time of his life. Now there was a point in my life where I wanted to go out and party, and I did go behind his back and went because he said I couldn't. But anyway, Ive been bitching to him lately that we don't spend time, we don't talk, he thinks that we spend time by being in the same room.......but yet I feel SOOOOOO ALONE. SO ALONE. I have maybe 2 friends that I can actually talk to, and he thinks by being on his computer playing a game is spending time. He would also go out to eat, movies and bowling during the week when I can;t because I have to work.

We always used to go out to eat and movies because clubbing was never his thing.....yet he's been going out to the clubs because he has to because he is the "DD" and the rent car is in his name, so this is just weird because they have gotten taxi's yet he went. so im confused about that.

Here I am sitting home alone with no one to talk to, no one to relate to, or anything whatsoever and I'm pregnant so more emotionnal and b*tchy then ever. But this is so wrong. And he just wants to be right and say we've been together so long that as long as we're in the same bed at night laying next to each is all that matters at the end of the day, well I feel like it's not enough.........and I let it go because I'm extremely passionate and cant get stressed out while pregnant................ I'm so angry and sad. this *****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I just want him....and I spend hours on the computer waiting for him, and i get alot of my phone's dying or he's not getting my msgs when he should because where he is.......this pisses me off. I just wanna talk, it's like pulling teeth. and im really pissed that hes' experiencing all this fun without me........im so mad.  i need help

[Londres70]

You all sound really young.  How old are you and how old is the bf/fiance?

[neen8699]

Sorry to hear you situation.  I am prego too and having issues myself.  I feel as if you try to talk to him he is going to give you that your are emotional and nagging attitude.  Give him a wake up call pack up and go to moms so he can have all the free time he wants without making you and your children stressed.

[specialmom]

I agree, I'm sorry to say.  This doesn't sound great.  While my husband does do some 'guy things' he also spends time with us.  It does sound like he is avoiding you and your child.  

Oh, that hurts me to even write it.  

I agree that you need to have a calm sit down with him laying out what your expectations are and asking what his are.  Then if his aren't in line with yours, ask him why he wants this time away.  Ask him for a compromise.  This might help you understand what is going on.

And I so hope he isn't trolling around but his activity is such that it makes you wonder,  Ugh.  Talk to him.

[Londres70]

Sounds like he is trying to disengage from you and his son for what reason I am not sure.  I would recommend talking with him, but he really isn't interested in addressing this.  

This is sounding more and more concerning with each post from you.  Basically he is putting everything before you and his son and he pretty much doesn't see a problem and/or care.  This NOT healthy for your son especially.  I am extremely worried how he will behave once this other child comes.  I think it will just get worse in my opinion.  

Are you sure nothing shady is going on in regards to another woman?  He sure is trying his best to distance himself from you and his child.  This sounds typical of a cheating man or a man who is about to cheat OR a man that wants out of the relatioship/his freedom.  

Well.....perhaps you all can try "date nights."  Purchase tickets for a show for you two or something of that nature. Maybe after a evening of unwinding you all can REALLY SERIOUSLY start to talk.  

What is really concerning is he is spending hardly any time with his son.  

[Oneluv118]

Ok so basically, I feel as though he doesn't spend enough time with me yet he can go out and spend time with friends, he's either working, out with friends or just on the computer. He spends just as much time with me as he does his son, as little as 5mins not even. I feel very disconnected from him and left out all together. I want to be able to hold a conversation with him, not one word answers and every time I go into detail about something :Im annoying, so it's like in that aspect I will admit I stopped nudging him telling him things, I felt like I was being suppressed. I also want to be able to do things like actually watch a movie like we used or go out once in awhile. I want some connection and theres nothing.

[specialmom]

Oh, yes.  I also agree that new behavior can be a sign of something going on either with him or the relationship that might not be good and that would be a good conversation to have with him.  Not pouty, sad or anything like that.  But equal to equal-----  hey, what is going on with you and us? type of conversation.

[specialmom]

Hey, I hear ya.  My husband though relaxes in different ways than I do and I have to accept that we are different.  My only suggestion is to make reasonable boundaries that allow him some time to go with friends and do whatever (as long as you feel you can trust him---  you do, right?) and still have family life at home.  My husband loves basketball and he is going with three guy friends to a college game----  I'm excited for him.  He's unwinding and going to have a blast.  He needs that.  But I'm not feeling left out or disconnected from him.  

So, I'm trying to figure out if the problem is his going out or if you want more time and connection with him.

[Londres70]

Perhaps he feeling more stress at work and is going out more to release the stress.  Plus, another child is on the way.  It might just be the pressure of all this combined.  

Doesn't he have other interests besides the computer and going out?  

What would you like to do as a family?  What are your interests?  

Perhaps you can take into consideration both of your interests and come up with an activity you two can do together.  

The abrupt change would be big concern as Specialmom has already mentioned; red flag in my opinion.  It is like he is trying to disengage from you.  

You stated he really isn't spending quality time with you, but he is doing the same to his son?  

[Oneluv118]

He never went out like this, he was always a homebody who did go out to the movies etc but aside from that, no parties or anything. He went on our anniv because someone offered to pay, so he had a paid trip. I work at home, so I don't need to worry about childcare for my son. The single guys he went with, 2 of them were in relationship for a few yrs, broke up maybe a yr ago, so these guys arent players, but they are single and free to do as they please as single men do. I didn't fight with him on going, I did stress that I didn't want him to go, but I wasn't going to try to stop him. When I was pregnant with my first child he would say stupid things but to get what he wanted, once in awhile he would go out and not invite me because it was all guys and he is a jealous type.

I have talked to him about it, he laughs when I get mad, he thinks its cute or funny when im reallly upset and im so serious about how im feeling it hurts, his response is we are spending time together when we're in the same room while hes on his computer. faced the other way not engaging in conversation, its driving me nuts and like i said i feel very alone, I didn't exactly keep up the fight about it because I know its not healthy to get so stressed out because he disagrees with me and finds any excuse so that it makes it look llike im overreacting,

Im really at a point in my life where I want to be a family and act like a family and feel loved and im not getting any effort on his part, its driving me up a wall. I can't just leave, my mom isn't around so he would have to be the one to leave and i dont think thats the best thing for my son. So I'm really stuck, I'm pregnant cant be stressed, but I really can't be feeling this way anymore, its eating at me. The one thing I noticed, is he wasn;t exactly like this (he still did things that would **** me off but, things really changed now that I think of it, when he changed positions at his job, he was working on his own, now since late aug sept he now has employess under him, shortly after he started going out more etc.

[specialmom]

Hi.  well, this is a good question.  If he is just on a trip doing this that is one thing.  My husband goes on an annuel guys trip every year.  Granted, the other men aren't single that he does htis with and they sit themselves in a cabin in the woods.  A little different.  My husband has some seriously single and on the prowl friends (which is funny because these guys aren't young anymore) and my husband used to meet them out once in a while or they'd have parties that we'd both go to.  My husband thought their antics hysterically funny.  I had some rules to his outings which involved not staying out past midnight (I would not be able to sleep until he got home safely so it would be unfair to me and WHY would a married man need to be in a bar after midnight??) and things like that.  But I will tell you that when we had kids, that stuff stopped.

When you are working on weeknights and he is out socializing, who is tending to your firstborn child?  

This is NEW behavior for him and that is concerning, I'll be honest.

Otherwise, I will tell you that many couples get disconnected a bit when kids are little and it can be a matter of planning some things together to get back on the same page.  Sounds like you have asked for this----  what has been his response?

[Londres70]

I just saw you all have been together for more than 7 years.  Is that correct?

Sorry for all the questions; just trying to get some more insight into the situation to give an accurate opinion and suggestions.  

[Londres70]

Hmmmm.....I definitely can understand you being pissed.  Try to calm a bit down for the baby's sake dear.  

Why would he make plans around the same time as your "anniversary?"  
I don't see a problem with him having some male bonding, but why now?  

In regards to your statement "Now there was a point in my life where I wanted to go out and party, and I did go behind his back and went because he said I couldn't."  Why would he have the authority to tell you if you can go out and he can do what he wants when he wants?    

Does he do this ocassionally or is he just doing all this stuff on this specific trip?

Just because he is there in the same room or in the bed next to you at night doesn't mean you all have intimacy, which you all are LACKING in my opinion.  

Did he act in this manner with you during your first pregnancy?  

Sounds like he just needed to recharge with some male bonding and get away and enjoy himself temporary.  Hmmm...he went with all single guys, right?  Are most of his friends single?  

Are you all just living together?

What anniversary are you referring to?  I didn't see any mention of "husband."

Any major issues in the past?    

[AnnieBrooke]

If you're tired of what is going on, take his son and go live with your mom for as many months as it takes for him to wake up to the fact that he misses you.  Then if he says he wants you back (and not until he does), tell him nicely what behavior you expect, if you were to consider coming back.  Are you willing to do that and to take the risk that he will just think "whew, I'm free"?  Right now you're hanging out with nothing.