oh please help..

[jamjam351]

my boyfriend is 20 years old.. and does not help out with anything. he says he "trys" but i never see it.. we have been together for almost a year and are having a baby boy together may 17. he works at nights and sleeps during the day. never goes to a doctor appoinment with me and was suppost to st. patricks day to find out the sex of our baby. i wonder if he isnt going to be there now.. is he going to be there in the future?

[sweetpea03]

I think you need to sit down and really talk to your boyfriend. Both of you are young and facing a major life change coming up in May with the birth of your child. He may be terrified of this new change and is not ready for it at all. I think he is retreating mentally away from the situation and may even be depressed. Have a heart to heart talk with him about how he feels about the situation. Ask him how he feels about what is happening and just let him talk. Don't answer back until he is done and try not to accuse him of anything(do not use the words "you never..."). After he is done talking you can say that you would love for him to be there with you through this whole journey(make sure to use "I" statements: I would love it if you came with me to doctors appointments. I think that...). You need to keep open communication between the both of you in order for this relationship to have a chance.  If you think he will flip out or close down during the discussion, have the talk at a public place(maybe at a park) where he would be embarrassed to throw a fit and he will then talk calmly. Hope it goes well.

[grannienannie]

you say he works nights and sleep in the day, I think he is tired, dont you prefer that he has a job and working to provide for you and the baby?you should be happy...do you see what other women go through like military wifes,they tell their husband on the phone...just because technology changed to find out the sex of the baby dont mean he is neglecting his responsibilities..he is just tired and he is pregnant too, men do get those same symptoms..except the job adds on like he is carrying your stomach...dont worry and stop thinking negative..and stop picking out small things to spoil your realationship...

[demtlard]

Sounds to me he may not be all that excited to be a father. Or he has some depression about the whole thing.  I would highly recommend that you and him have a serious talk, and if needed ask a mutual friend of yours to sit in and moderate.  But the friend cannot be bias.  If you do not have such friend then seek professional counciling.

[AnnieBrooke]

I was in a Lamaze prep class with a young couple who were OK in the classes, but by the time we had the after-class reunion to show off our new babies, he was long gone.  It can certainly happen, and it doesn't sound like your guy is there for you at all.  Probably tired and also maybe depressed, some people do retreat mentally when faced with a reality they didn't want or are realizing they don't want.  I hope that doesn't sound too blunt, but from what you are describing, it would be smart to plan for a life that does not include him.  A 20-year-old is rarely mature enough to face fatherhood without some mental bumps and jolts in the road, and he really sounds like he's entirely checked out.