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Immature girlfriend dating my son
My son's girlfriend won't help after I make a dinner. She lets me and my son cleanup. If she works a day omg she acts like a big baby and whines all the time. What can I do????
"She lets me and my son cleanup." Is she not a guest, are other guests expected to help clean up?
I'm also struggling with the root problem here. You said she is immature because she doesn't help you with the dishes but it looks like you're maybe having trouble accepting the fact that he has found a girlfriend and that is taking him away from you. It's really important not to turn into Norma Bates here because there's nothing worse for a potential long term relationship than being with a mama's boy. It's impossible in fact. There comes a point where you really need to cut the apron strings and let him grow up. Or else you're setting him up to fail
I don't think it's her per say you have the problem with. Perhaps you have the problem with the dynamics of your relationship with son changing? He is seeing this woman and now it is you, your son and her? I think that is more a problem.
Personally, I don't expect my guess to do nothing more than enjoy themselves. I don't put them on clean-up duty. Why not ask her if she could help you both clean up after dinner? I work and I know after a LONG day of work the last thing I enjoy doing is cleaning up; washing dishes.
How do you feel like you are "raising another child" when she is only coming over for dinner? She isn't living with you.
I wouldn't be getting mad at this gf, but having a chat with your son making your wishes clear about this, e.g. you expect them, him and his gf, to help you clean up after you have made a meal for them.
Stop stewing and make these things more vocal........vocal in a NON attacking way of course.
Maybe he has chosen an immature woman because he is may be still immature himself. 25 and living with mom?
Lastly, maybe this girl doesn't want to be all in your kitchen being it is your home and all? She doesn't want it to look as if she is trying to take over? Personally, I don't want people in my kitchen who aren't living in my home.
Personally, I don't expect my guess to do nothing more than enjoy themselves. I don't put them on clean-up duty. Why not ask her if she could help you both clean up after dinner? I work and I know after a LONG day of work the last thing I enjoy doing is cleaning up; washing dishes.
How do you feel like you are "raising another child" when she is only coming over for dinner? She isn't living with you.
I wouldn't be getting mad at this gf, but having a chat with your son making your wishes clear about this, e.g. you expect them, him and his gf, to help you clean up after you have made a meal for them.
Stop stewing and make these things more vocal........vocal in a NON attacking way of course.
Maybe he has chosen an immature woman because he is may be still immature himself. 25 and living with mom?
Lastly, maybe this girl doesn't want to be all in your kitchen being it is your home and all? She doesn't want it to look as if she is trying to take over? Personally, I don't want people in my kitchen who aren't living in my home.
I'm not sure your son is all that mature either, being 25 and still living at home.
She might be very intimidated by you, and kind of shut down when you are around - honestly, when I was that age I didn't go into some other woman's kitchen and clean it up. She wouldn't know where things go, how you like to load the dishwasher, etc.
She might be very intimidated by you, and kind of shut down when you are around - honestly, when I was that age I didn't go into some other woman's kitchen and clean it up. She wouldn't know where things go, how you like to load the dishwasher, etc.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh dear. Well, are you sure you don't have a problem with her because it has been you and him since he was 5? A new girlfriend changes things. It's hard to watch a young woman take control over our sons, I'm sure.
I don't think it is a big deal that she doesn't do dishes as a guest in your home. Perhaps she wasn't taught to do that. But if this is bothering you, the my suggestion is to ask your son to do the dishes WITH her and you go take a break.
But understand, if you hate the girlfriend and he marries her, you'll be the odd man out. That's the way it works as the mother of sons. Kind of stinks but IS reality. So, dig deep to like her/tolerate her/ be with her because she could end up being very powerful in your life. good luck
I don't think it is a big deal that she doesn't do dishes as a guest in your home. Perhaps she wasn't taught to do that. But if this is bothering you, the my suggestion is to ask your son to do the dishes WITH her and you go take a break.
But understand, if you hate the girlfriend and he marries her, you'll be the odd man out. That's the way it works as the mother of sons. Kind of stinks but IS reality. So, dig deep to like her/tolerate her/ be with her because she could end up being very powerful in your life. good luck
I have a 26 year old son and he has a 30 year old girlfriend. When they come over, and I feed them, it wouldn't cross my mind to expect either of them to do the dishes.
When/if they offer, I decline and tell them to have their coffee in the living room or the back yard.
It really sounds like the real story is in the "long story".... if you feel like talking more about it we could probably see the bigger picture...and help more.
It's intrigued me that you said that having her over would feel like you having to raise another child? Why would that be? Are you not just enjoying the fact that your son is happy in her company? Why the need to teach her? or raise her? or change her? in any way....
When/if they offer, I decline and tell them to have their coffee in the living room or the back yard.
It really sounds like the real story is in the "long story".... if you feel like talking more about it we could probably see the bigger picture...and help more.
It's intrigued me that you said that having her over would feel like you having to raise another child? Why would that be? Are you not just enjoying the fact that your son is happy in her company? Why the need to teach her? or raise her? or change her? in any way....
Oh she is 23 and he is 25 years old.he is my only child and it's just been me and him since he was 5 when I divorced his dad
He lives with me and she comes over when she's invited. She lives with her folks and she is very immuture. I don't have her over much because I feel it's like having to raise another child. At my age that's not happening. I've tried many ways to have a relationship with her but she isn't interested. Long story.
I agree with SM. If you all live together, you need to set house rules.
If she is a guest in your house sometimes for dinner, it's not the duty of a guest to clean up the kitchen. And honestly, sometimes it's very intimidating to help out. Often the hostess has a particular way she wants things done, and a guest helping clean up is frankly just in the way.
If she is a guest in your house sometimes for dinner, it's not the duty of a guest to clean up the kitchen. And honestly, sometimes it's very intimidating to help out. Often the hostess has a particular way she wants things done, and a guest helping clean up is frankly just in the way.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Really, he has a right to be with who he wants. Ya know? We hope we raise our sons to choose wisely but sometimes they just don't.
If they live with you, I think it is fine to establish house rules. If not, perhaps this is how she and your son do things. HE does dishes and clean up (which sounds great to me, more power to her for finding a man that does housework!). That really is between them. No, I don't like that you are doing dishes--- my mother taught me to help after a meal for sure with the clean up.
I've had guests that eat multiple meals with us and they do nothing to help clean up. It's a little frustrating but it is what it is.
Anyway, if they live with you, then you need house rules. If they don't, then you must trust that your son has a level head to pick a decent woman. good luck
If they live with you, I think it is fine to establish house rules. If not, perhaps this is how she and your son do things. HE does dishes and clean up (which sounds great to me, more power to her for finding a man that does housework!). That really is between them. No, I don't like that you are doing dishes--- my mother taught me to help after a meal for sure with the clean up.
I've had guests that eat multiple meals with us and they do nothing to help clean up. It's a little frustrating but it is what it is.
Anyway, if they live with you, then you need house rules. If they don't, then you must trust that your son has a level head to pick a decent woman. good luck
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