Lost erection mid-sex

[nessie12]

So i can only think if this happening about a few times but my boyfriend and I will be having sex and go through multiple positions and then all of a sudden he will lose his erection without finishing.

Why does this happen?
-is it that he is eager to finish and then just gets frustrated?
-am i doing something wrong?
-could it be that i am not as tight as i use to be?

Some times we are big on foreplay and others we just get right to it i dont think their is a correlation but maybe sometimes he really needs the warm up and others he doesnt?

I do remember being extremely wet the last time it happend but i thought the wetter the better for the guy? maybe it was just cause once we kinda got into a nice groove he would slip out of me  

Let me know what you think and what i can do so it doesnt happen ever again

[nessie12]

that is exactly what i would do after it happened cause it didnt seem like he wanted to talk about it...but we have been having sex for about a year and it has only happened three times...i worried about bringing it up cause i thought it would get worse...but i the guys here really helped and now i have some answers without making him feel worse about it

the first time it was like he was hard and he entered me and lost it after a few thrusts...then it was like we had been at it for close to an hour and then it went away...the most recent it was like ten minutes then it went away

Good luck

[Cootos]

Okay well I'm going through somewhat the same thing right now.... it's happened about 4 times now withing the last month...and im kinda getting worried....he's hard as can be for the first 5 min then he just looses it....and there's no fixing it...we've tried! Even if he plays with himself he still cant get it back up....he has no idea what's wrong and I'm left with so many negative thoughts but I'm trying to be supportive about it all and I usually just cuddle with him afterwards and try to just pretend like it never happened....I dont know what to say to help you out but it's conforting to know im not the only one going through this right now....but it's like it's occuring more often now and it's starting to worry us both...

[nessie12]

Thanks for the answers...they are all things that i had thought over but im not a guy so i wouldnt know...you have put my mind at ease

[Jasmine205]

Shouldn't blame yourself at all..just open and honestly talk about with him, I mean geez you two are naked and being intimate how can discussing it be embrassing, right?
Just ask him, "Sweetie, I was wondering why this happened and is there anything on your mind, or is there anything you'd like me to do to help you sustain your erection longer?"
Don't make it blamey, but just be understanding with him.

[sammy73]

This can be a self-fulfilling prophecy - once it has happened once, he worries that it will happen next time, and the worrying itself causes the problem to re-occur.  I had this problem a while ago (it's why I first joined this website), so I can assure you that this can happen and it be NOTHING to do with you, with you not doing things right, with him not finding you sexy, or anything like that.

First off, since this is likely to be primarily a mental problem, don't make a big deal of it, if you discuss it at length or tell him it's worrying you or making you unhappy it will guaranteed get worse.

If it happens, the best bet is for him to pull out and for you two to do something different for a bit.  Best to do it just as he is starting to lose full strength, rather than once it is completely gone.  Behave like it is just part of the play, not something you are doing specifically to deal with him going soft.  Oral, like extrmeski suggested, or manual, either just you on him or you both to each other at the same time.  Or he plays with himself while you play with yourself and watch each other.  Use toys on yourselves or each other.  Whatever works for you!

When you go back to vaginal sex try a different position to the one you were in when he started going soft.  I found doggy worked best (but not guaranteed) to stop it happening again, don't know why, it could just be me...

Oh, and one other thing.  It could be that he is getting too turned on early on during sex, gets close to orgasm, and then pulls himself back from the brink because he wants it to last longer.  It's then difficult to get back up to the peak again - particularly as men get older and the ability to have several orgasms in a relatively short space of time diminishes.  It may be worth encouraging him to have quick sex, tell him you want to feel him come right away, not to hold back, not to wait for you.  This may be less satisfying for you, but if it gets him past this patch where he is anxious and the anxiety is causing him to lose hardness, then in the long run he will hopefully be able to stay hard for longer and that will benefit both of you.

[extrmeski]

Well it's kind of a double edged sword with the wetness, it really turns us on that we can get a girls so wet, but with all that wetness you loose some of the friction to stimulates us.  Other than that it could be alot of things totally unrelated to you, just stuff on his mind.  I know that when I have a lot of worries it's hard to even have sex as I just cant get the **** outta my head.  If that happens again try oral stimulization with him I'll be willing to bet that would work.