It started about 1 year ago when I lost my job and started staying home. Basically just about every night around 11:00pm I can hear my girlfriend masturbate while I’m in the lounge room etc. It lasts about 10 minutes and its over very quickly. She is very quiet so I pretend it doesn’t happen.
Well a few months ago I approached her and told her I could hear her and she got very angry and denied it. Since then I have approached her about 4 times about it and every time she denies it and comes up with excuses like she was itching herself or doing sit ups. She even said once that she swears on our two kid’s lives she doesn’t do it.
I have been very honest and discreet and even explained that I do it sometimes.
It is really affecting our lives. We might have sex maybe once a week and I really have to talk her into it because she says she really doesn’t want it anymore. She has explained that she no longer has any sexual drive or feelings anymore with me, herself or anyone else.
I think this has become a really big problem and I don’t know what to do. Why does she deny it when it’s so obvious? It’s not that she is shy, she really Sais and believes that she doesn’t do it but I know she is. I have never just walked in on her as I think that would end our 15 year relationship instantly.
Is this an addiction or something else?
Is there any way I can work this out?
yes, addiction. She does it regularly, it effects her daily life and relationships, and she is in denial. classic signs of addiction. Any way you can beat her to the punch? Make love before she gets it on with herself. Maybe she is just being lazy. She wants to *** but doesn't want to bother with all that foreplay and work that comes with sex. Maybe she if afraid of her performance...have you ever put her down or laughed at her performance or you not climax frequently while getting close? Women will never admit to doing it and it's strange she finishes within 10 mins, quite fast for a woman. Maybe you take too long for her and she just wants to bang one out
I could never get in before her as most days she gets angry if I ask.
She has never been able to have g-spot orgasms only clitoral. I must admit, I do spend a while down there and mainly focus on her. We usually spend about 30-60 minutes having sex and 90% of that is me trying to please her. I have never given her negative comments about her performance. But it’s like trying to make love to a log (she doesn’t do much).
It might not be about 10 minutes but it’s over before it begins. It’s very fast.
I am a woman and I THINK I know the answer to this. she wants an orgasm. just not with you. I was married for over 10 years and my ex was very good-looking, sexy, etc....but he couldnt do what I needed him to do. Plus his breath also reaked, he drank and smoked and that was an instant romance killer-his breath. and yes....i talked to him about it-use mouthwash, etc to no avail. but i still need a "fix" so I just did what I had to do...and didnt include him. It was too much trouble and I didnt enjoy him in the sack. I loved him and would never cheat...but his bedroom skills were not that great. AND!!!!!> he thought he was it in bed,lol.
sorry,,,maybe not what you wanted or needed to hear, and this may not be the case with you and your gf at all. from the way I read your last post....sounds like she knows exactly where the spot is and can go to it right away and make things happen. and you take too long..or maybe she is a lesbian.....i dont know.
my ex had also mae the comment to me that i was "like a log" and I told him that if he would take a few hints now and then, the log would turn into a freak.
I can take care of it in less the ten minutes by myself..... I really don't find it abnormal at that she enjoys herself and does not want to share it with you..i mean really men do there thing often without there partner....
I will also say confronting her four times about it is not gong to make her more comfortable talking about it..If anything its going to have opposite effect.
the next time you have sex...maybe try and encourage her to make this part of the experience.
sometimes women have trouble having an orgasm during intercourse...and it just mentally becomes a job...more trouble than it's worth. pleasing herself is alot easier as she knows just "what buttons to push". hopefully...with a little encouragement...you can both share in this.
She will not touch herself in front of me. She gets angry if I make a point of it. I use clitoral stimulation to finisher her every time and after a few years I’ve become pretty good at it. I can finish her in about the same time (10 mins).
The bottom line is: I think it has become a real problem. I think she is addicted for a reason maybe for stress relief or something but I really don’t understand why she can’t admit it when we have been really close for so many years. We are both very understanding with each other but this one is got me.
I would suspect this goes a lot deeper then her masturbation...If she is telling you she does not have any feeling with you anymore .Women are very sensitive and if there is problems in the relationship
and she is not happy then it is going to effect the way she feels about having sex with you.
I really don't think this is a matter for her having a sexual addiction as much as a bigger problem in the relationship as a whole .... I think therapy for the two of you together might be a good idea to get to the root of the problems ..... good luck
There's also the medical community forum "Relationships". If you click on that, at the top you will see it says "Welcome to the Relationships & Sexuality Forum". You might find some answers to your questions in that forum too. Most of us here are addicted to drugs or alcohol, although I've found some of our members giving you helpful information. I just think you might get more responses on the Relationships forum.
Good luck in your search for answers,
Thanks Yoda for saying what I wanted to say after reading this yesterday. This seems totally inappropriate for this forum and what kind of person would even want to post about something like this? The minute my husband started posting on the internet intimate details of our sex life, well that would be too bad for him I promise.
Or.... she's just addicted to masterbating, is that so horrible? 15 years you've been together and your still getting it once a week. Leave her alone, some girls (like me) have to do it before they go to sleep. Or.. if it really bothers you go to bed at the same time as her. Please do not make her feel like she's cheating on you. Alot of people masterbate when their happy, sad, awake, tired, or just need some comfort. 15 years is along time to be with someone, maybe the spark has fizzled out? stranger things have happened... Has there been a slow steady decline, or did she lose interest fast?
think it’s either therapy or breakup... I gotta say this line worries me too. After so long together you'd LEAVE her because of sexual dilemma she's going through? No wonder she doesn't want to have sex, maybe she feels insecure in your reletionship. Tell me, generally when the going gets tough, do you get going, or threaten to?
well this has been going on for over 10 months now that I am aware of anyway, and I have tried everything possible. I have been very supportive of this even when she denies it. It is now effecting every part of our lives including our 2 children which is where I draw the line. She wont let me help her and this is a two way relationship so why should I give her all the rope and I sit on the sidelines?
vasrox, I really hope your girlfriend will consider seeing a counsellor. Yes, she may masturbate. It may be her time for herself, when all pressure is off (no husband, no kids, nothing to stress her). But consider her upbringing. Did she come from a conservative family? Some girls are taught to NEVER touch themselves. Only dirty girls do that. Only sluts and ****** do that.
She might have a whole complex of these pressures that she can't reconcile, let alone even admit to ANYONE that she's doing it. She may even feel tremendous guilt for doing it, but just can't help herself (any more than a man would want to resist masturbating). If she can't talk to you about it, then hopefully a counsellor or a friend can help her come to terms with it - IF that's the problem. If she does find the courage to finally talk to you, be as supportive as possible and let her know that YOU accept her. Even let her know it doesn't bother you - you just don't want to feel excluded (if that's the case). Maybe she's afraid that you'll demand she stop.
Anyhow, if you broach this topic again, throw a few of these ideas in there and let her process it. I hope you two will be able to connect.
I was under the assumption that this IS the Sexuality and Relationship forum.Thats what it says on the top of my page.I clicked on "Relationships" and this is where it brought me.It doesn't say anything about drugs or alcohol.I'm just trying to clarify.
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