Is this normal

[rccforever]

I'm 51 and my husband is 52 we have often gone for 3 months without having sex, a couple of years ago he started turning his head away when I wanted to kiss him, it hurt my feelings and he would never give me a reason why he did it. We still had sex occaisionally, so I lived with it. Now it has been a year and we have not had sex, we don't even talk about it. It's like the elephant in the room, it's there he must have noticed we haven't had sex but neither of us mentions it. I really don't care if we ever have sex again, it is not the only problem in our relationship.Is it normal for a man to not have sex for this long? Is it safe to say he is probably having sex with someone else?  

[Judy246]

There are many different reasons why men and women do not have sex in there 50's. For women menopause and hormones cause a drop level in wanting to have sex (some, not all!) also, this could be a sign of infidelity, or he does not desire you sexually anymore. It could be a health problem, but if it is affecting you, it's time to address the issue. Tell him that you are concern in the decrease of intimacy and would like to know how can you both address any issues that are of concern and if necessary seek a counselor if you both can't discuss the problem in the relationship causing no intimacy.

If someone no longer want sex or even to kiss you, your concern is justifiable and the chances of infidelity past or present is great! Good luck, Judy

[jo929]

I would be blunt and up front and ask him if there is a problem, and if there is tell him you will help all you can, ask him if he needs to see a DR, I would not beat around the bush, you will never know untill you ask, if he refuses to see a Dr ask him if he is cheating, you cant keep ignoring it.  luck  jo

[specialmom]

Just my opinion here,  but you mention other problems in the marriage.  I would think about those and work on them.  Often a lack of sex life and intimacy can be a reflection of the other negative things going on within a relationship.  All the above metnioned are ideas to what is going on as well.  So perhaps it is a combination of things.  And as someone said, communicating your concern and your desire to be closer to him is essential.  Asking what his take on this is.  You may be a little scared of the answer and that is why it is the elephant in the room.  Clear out the elephant and then you might make some progress in fixing the issue.  Good luck!!

[teko]

I would not go so far as to say he is cheating, but he has definately shut down emotionally on you. As to normal, I dont know what that is, as it is definately different for each person, however if you are not on the same page then there is a problem and it needs to be brought out into the light and dealt with. If there is no affection, hugging and the like there is a bigger issue at hand.

[iam1butterfly]

It's possible that he's depressed. Perhaps, not in the classic, clinical sense; but, the kind of depressed that comes from frustration... thereby, causing the alienation and detachment that you described.
Maybe, it all boils down to performance anxiety (like Vic, dawnangela and young grandma said); maybe, it's due to something else that has him feeling troubled and distracted (i.e. his state of health; workplace issues; family matters... perhaps, that other problem that you alluded to). But, until you get him to open up and discuss it, you won't know what's causing the emotional and physical shut down.

[dawnangela]

Your both  to young to think of never having sex again, i go along with both Vic and younggrandmother..It could very well be he is having probs in that department, could you bring this up with him as to why he may not want sex? Also you really do need to keep the spark alive and not let the relationship get stale,communicate,communicate, is the key word. Most of us at this stage let that slip and get into a rut we find hard to get out of, but it sure can be fixed..  Best of luck:)

[younggrandmother]

I'm a firm believer in communication.People get comfortable and don't think that they have to show their partner of so many years affection. In the beginning every thing is new and exciting and through the years we forget that our partner still needs to know that we find them desirably.Plan a date night, get dressed up, but most of all communicate, Tell him how you feel. Tell him what is missing in the relationship. My husband and I have been married for 22yrs and at times we forget to let each other know how much we love each other. So....many other things going on in our life we tend to put each other and our love life on the back burner. As far as having an affair, I don't think that is the case. You just need to rekindle the flam. Have you tried to make the first move or are you waiting for him? He might be thinking the same thing you are, and he doesn't know what to do? U just need to make time for each other weather it is going or staying at home. If you are having trouble getting you point across you can try counseling. Best of Luck and get rid of that elephant......  

[VicUser]

Is he having a problem getting an erection?  Many guys don’t want to admit to having a problem there, and it is embarrassing admitting you are not the man you once were. He could be having sex with someone else but at this age it may be ED. There are a host of things that could be wrong too, if you don’t want to tell more about your life in public please feel free to PM me.