Aa
JEALOUSY
I'm 26 and so is my boyfriend. We've been together for a year and I'm about 17 weeks pregnant with my first baby. (This is my boyfriends first baby too) I had gotten the mirena over a year ago and it failed, so this was definitely not a planned pregnancy. I'm very worried because I've been feeling very jealous of my unborn baby. I feel like my bf will love it more than he loves me and it's going to be a competition for his love and affection. Is this normal? Will it last thru the entire pregnancy, or will I feel excited at some point?
Londres, I totally agree that there are step parents who are angels and treat their step kids like their own children. My uncle had a step son and you'd never know it wasn't one of his own.
BUT. When you see this attitude of jealousy and competition and a feeling of competing with the child for the boyfriend's attention, it's a step mother doing that not a mother.
Didn't mean to offend those step parents who are able to rise above petty jealousy of children.
BUT. When you see this attitude of jealousy and competition and a feeling of competing with the child for the boyfriend's attention, it's a step mother doing that not a mother.
Didn't mean to offend those step parents who are able to rise above petty jealousy of children.
"will say, you have the exact attitude of a step mother. They're very typically jealous of any attention or resources spent on their partners' children by another mother."..................Sorry RR, but this isn't any "exact attitude" of stepmothers as this has NOTHING to do with stepmothers. There are stepparents who put more time and effort into their stepchildren then the BIO parents. This attitude can apply to any woman which is the problem this BIO mother is grappling with at the moment.
Tink even pointed out her own BIO mother was this way, so it isn't a "step mother" thing and I totally agree with her insightful post.
Courtnee, being this was an unplanned pregnancy I could understand the shock and angst having to deal with a situation you didn't want and a situation you aren't prepared for, but it definitely isn't normal to worry about a bf showering more attention and love on the baby than you. I am not sure if something in your past plays a part in all this.
Babies do take a lot of energy, time, money, etc. and I do believe not every woman is ideal to be a mother and that's ok. You do have options about this situation and you should explore those options with your GYN Specialist or a professional therapist.
Tink even pointed out her own BIO mother was this way, so it isn't a "step mother" thing and I totally agree with her insightful post.
Courtnee, being this was an unplanned pregnancy I could understand the shock and angst having to deal with a situation you didn't want and a situation you aren't prepared for, but it definitely isn't normal to worry about a bf showering more attention and love on the baby than you. I am not sure if something in your past plays a part in all this.
Babies do take a lot of energy, time, money, etc. and I do believe not every woman is ideal to be a mother and that's ok. You do have options about this situation and you should explore those options with your GYN Specialist or a professional therapist.
TOTALLY agree with SpecialMom and RockRoses' words of wisdom.
My own Mother was You. I grew up feeling unloved and unloveable. I was a Child and thought there must be 'something' wrong with me. As I Child it never occurred to me that something was wrong with Her - I could see that She loved my 2 little Brothers - it was only me She did not like so I was certain it had to be 'something' about me. This set my stage for many years to come. I stayed in a very abusive marriage for 15 years, always struggling to find a way to make Him love me, always thinking if I was the kind of Wife He wanted me to be, then He wouldn't be doing the terrible things He did, I was sure it was my fault. It did not occur to me that He had a problem. I was 'accustomed' to being unloveable, so I just tried harder and harder and harder to make Him like me.
It took many years for me to understand the problem was that my Mother wanted all the love. affection, attention for HerSelf and was unwilling to share with me. Don't do this to Your Child.
My experience of this is from "both sides of the coin", as the Child and as the Mother. I've had my own 3 Children and I can say this is NOT a "normal" way for a Mother to feel about Her Child. So, this I know is true
You must seek therapy for Your Child's sake and for Your Own.
My own Mother was You. I grew up feeling unloved and unloveable. I was a Child and thought there must be 'something' wrong with me. As I Child it never occurred to me that something was wrong with Her - I could see that She loved my 2 little Brothers - it was only me She did not like so I was certain it had to be 'something' about me. This set my stage for many years to come. I stayed in a very abusive marriage for 15 years, always struggling to find a way to make Him love me, always thinking if I was the kind of Wife He wanted me to be, then He wouldn't be doing the terrible things He did, I was sure it was my fault. It did not occur to me that He had a problem. I was 'accustomed' to being unloveable, so I just tried harder and harder and harder to make Him like me.
It took many years for me to understand the problem was that my Mother wanted all the love. affection, attention for HerSelf and was unwilling to share with me. Don't do this to Your Child.
My experience of this is from "both sides of the coin", as the Child and as the Mother. I've had my own 3 Children and I can say this is NOT a "normal" way for a Mother to feel about Her Child. So, this I know is true
You must seek therapy for Your Child's sake and for Your Own.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Rockrose said what I felt better than I could have! thank you rockrose. Wise words.
I agree with specialmom. This attitude is a really serious concern.
Usually mothers are extremely jealous of any attention that goes in a direction away from their children. They agonize when their partners don't seem interested in every single detail of the pregnancy, and going to UltraSound visits. They imagine the grandparents are treating their siblings children better than they treat their own baby. Any attention and advantage a mother perceives her child gets is usually welcome with huge open arms.
You see moms who take picture after picture of the daddy and baby asleep on the couch together, the daddy with his arms around a pregnant belly, etc.
I will say, you have the exact attitude of a step mother. They're very typically jealous of any attention or resources spent on their partners' children by another mother.
This attitude is such a concern I agree you should bring it up with your OB. If it continues I don't think you will be able to function as a mother.
Usually mothers are extremely jealous of any attention that goes in a direction away from their children. They agonize when their partners don't seem interested in every single detail of the pregnancy, and going to UltraSound visits. They imagine the grandparents are treating their siblings children better than they treat their own baby. Any attention and advantage a mother perceives her child gets is usually welcome with huge open arms.
You see moms who take picture after picture of the daddy and baby asleep on the couch together, the daddy with his arms around a pregnant belly, etc.
I will say, you have the exact attitude of a step mother. They're very typically jealous of any attention or resources spent on their partners' children by another mother.
This attitude is such a concern I agree you should bring it up with your OB. If it continues I don't think you will be able to function as a mother.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. I would say that is not normal. Are you in general very insecure about your relationship and your boyfriend's love and commitment to you?
When my husband and I had a child together, it was beautiful. I've personally never known love like I have for my children and know it is the same for my husband and our kids. It's very special. The way he looks at them and cares for them is amazing! But mutual because I feel the same way about them.
I've heard of some men becoming jealous a bit in not so much a "she likes the baby better than me" kind of way but more in a ---- she has not time for me anymore and gives all her energy to the baby. I haven't really known anyone in person to feel that way but have read about it.
Love between partners is different than parent love. do I love my kids more than my husband? Not really, it's a different kind of love. But it is special that it does reign up there as the biggest loves of my life. Would it bother me if my husband loved my kids more than me? No. I love them that much that I'd not be bothered about this. Because I know he does love me too and I don't need to measure which is more as it is meaningless. We are committed. We are together. We are a family.
I'm a little worried about your mental health. Pregnancy can bring out all kinds of hormones and some women can become a little unstable. IF you suspect that at all about yourself----- tell your doctor. Your doctor is used to dealing with all sorts of the feelings and emotions of a pregnant woman and one who's recently given birth and can direct you for when you need to get help or not.
good luck
When my husband and I had a child together, it was beautiful. I've personally never known love like I have for my children and know it is the same for my husband and our kids. It's very special. The way he looks at them and cares for them is amazing! But mutual because I feel the same way about them.
I've heard of some men becoming jealous a bit in not so much a "she likes the baby better than me" kind of way but more in a ---- she has not time for me anymore and gives all her energy to the baby. I haven't really known anyone in person to feel that way but have read about it.
Love between partners is different than parent love. do I love my kids more than my husband? Not really, it's a different kind of love. But it is special that it does reign up there as the biggest loves of my life. Would it bother me if my husband loved my kids more than me? No. I love them that much that I'd not be bothered about this. Because I know he does love me too and I don't need to measure which is more as it is meaningless. We are committed. We are together. We are a family.
I'm a little worried about your mental health. Pregnancy can bring out all kinds of hormones and some women can become a little unstable. IF you suspect that at all about yourself----- tell your doctor. Your doctor is used to dealing with all sorts of the feelings and emotions of a pregnant woman and one who's recently given birth and can direct you for when you need to get help or not.
good luck
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