Mother in law is not giving any privacy

[Ameesha_ajay]

           I live with my husband and mil. Married for 2 years but have no children. As I have vaginismus Me and my husband need more time to spend together to solve this problem.
           My husband is the only child so mil is so cared about him. He also loves her and will not say a word against her commands. She tells him to call her 3 or 4 times a day from office. He will asks her opinion in each and every matter as He doesn't want to hurt her by doing things without her knowledge
           Me and husband are not getting any privacy at home . we are not allowed to sleep together at day time. She will become angry her if noticing us talking in our bed room for some time. My husband is not at all bother about these matters but it hurts me very much. My mother in law keeps her and her sons dresses in a cupboard in her room and mine is kept alone. She takes decision even about which underwear he needs to wear. He keeps all important papers and money with her which I have no problem only thing I want is to spend more time with him. I talked about this to my husband but he not taking this as a serious issue. He will come to sleep at 12 clock night and wants to get up at 6.00 from the first day of marriage it is like that. We cannot stay out from home as he thinks his mother will be alone at home
        My husband lost his father when he was small , my mil was of 23 years at that time. So my husband is so concerned about his mother and don't want to make her sad.
        Between these i am losing my life .some days i become very sad and depressed seeing their behaviors.  Some times I think i am wrong a try to control my feelings. She speaks nicely to me and make me do all household chores saying that she is sick( head ache/ leg pain/knee pain etc). My husband feels that she is so cared about me. I cant talk anything against her as that make my husband sad. Mil always tells me about how much she loves her son.
        What should i do now days i am so depressed feeling like i am alone here.  

[Chima7]

I'm sorry to hear that whoever picked your husband for you chose very badly. You are clearly a very devoted and caring wife. But all of your husband's actions show that he doesn't even want to be married at all. Is it an age thing? Was it that he was getting older and had to be married off by a certain age? Whatever the reason, this was not the right pairing and it's not because of you. You're not the problem here. Based on what you have said, he only wants to be married to his mother and not to anyone else. It's unfortunate and here in the USA we call those mamas boys because they have never learned how to be a man who stands on his own without the help of his mother. That type of man, or boy actually, makes a terrible husband and it's a shame that any woman should ever get stuck with someone like that.

I'm sorry that I'm not familiar enough with your culture to suggest any options, if any. It upsets me to think there's nothing you can do and that you're stuck purely based on the customs where you live. I'm really not sure how to advise you so all I can say is, again, you are not the problem in this marriage. Your husband is the problem and until he grows up and stops being a child, I don't think there's much you can do. I'm sorry, I wish there was something else I could suggest for you.

[Ameesha_ajay]

         My husband has a best frnd. who's name is arjun. Both of them see everyday My husband seeks his help in each and every matters, they are such good friends. But he never talks to me or even looks at me, from his face i feel that he is angry with me. He is very frndly with my mil. She loves him very much. Arjun is married before 6 months, from his wife i came  to know that they too had no sex life yet.
          And my mil once had told me that her family was worried about my husband and arjun's friendship.("Arjun will not allow Ajay(my hus) to marry")
Now i am worried that is my vaginisms the only prblm of our marrige...... or ......................?

[Jinx_777]

vaginismus is highly treatable.  you need to see a female doctor about it.  
you need to be treated for your own happiness, however; i don't think it will change the bond between your husband and you MIL.
it must be so hard for you.

[Londres70]

Well, what treatment have you had for it?  Is it related to psychological issues or an actual physical issue(s)?

It would really be ideal for you two to have your home without his mother there.

[Ameesha_ajay]

Can I ever get rid of vaginismus ? I think my life is failure .

[Londres70]

I am sorry, but there isn't much that you can do here as your culture plays a big part in this.  Things will never change in my opinion.

Mother is EVERYTHING to this man and your needs come second.

I can truly understand the depression and despair on your part.

[Ameesha_ajay]

Yes, mine is arranged at the age of 23. I love my husband very much don't want to lose him.
As a wife i cannot satisfy him sexually ( as I have vaginismus) . I am taking treatment for it but all are in vain. I think if we together get more time to spend together we can solve this problem. Though we only get time at night , now days he is not ready for intercourse as he tells that it will cause him erection problem (due to my vaginismus) I'm totally downhearted and don't know what to do. can't discuss these matters to any one in my family.( I only have a mother and sister)

[specialmom]

Good questions by londres.  I so would have a hard time with a man that treated his mother in a way that made me less in position to her in our marriage.  That would not work for me.  But if this is an arranged marriage, it makes more sense for how you got into this situation.  

[Londres70]

Did you know about the situation before you married him?  Was this an arranged marriage?