My girlfriend is always to ill for sex

[Lsw1128]

Hi everyone
I have to start by saying I love my GF lots shes a great person and I want to spend my life with her. But she is always complaining about all sorts of problems ranging from migranes, neck pains, abnormal breathing and chest pains which are the usual complaints shes seen various doctors and had all sorts of tests and has basically been told its all in her head but this does affect our sex life. We'll only have sex once a month if were lucky.

I have tried suggesting speaking to a councilour, trying remedes to relax her but she wont try anything suggested its as if she just wants to sit and complain. Ive tried being paitent and also want to talk to her about this but shes more intrested in watching the tv and checking facebook and am starting to feel like this is out weighing the good parts of our relationship now.

I want to know if anyone else is or has experienced this and what can be done for us both?

[heatherw26]

As someone who was told that my illness "was all in my head", she could very well be sick.

For YEARS I've had doctors run tests and just tell me that my symptoms were all in my head. Turns out...I have Cealiac Disease. (A severe gluten intolerance) It's disheartening when someone you love also doesn't believe you.

And with sicknesses, it's hard to muster up the energy to do anything. But like Rockrose I've got 2 small children so I don't have the luxury of staying in bed or on the couch all day. I have to chase them around. And when you're sick, it s*cks.

Just be a little more understanding and if you stick around, try helping. Go with her to doc appointments and just let her know you're there and you care.

[Ashelen]

I agree completely with RockRose.

I have horrible, debilitating migraines...and they're nearly daily. BUT I have 2 small children so I can't afford to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I aggressively attack the migraines with meds....and sometimes I just have to suck it up. I go camping, and shopping, and on family trips, and play in the yard with my kids....I also suffer from some pretty serious chronic neck and back pain, as well as semi-chronic kidney stones.

BUT....the truth is....some people just don't handle pain as well. she sounds massively depressed..and chronic, relentless pain WILL cause depression. it's human nature to feel beaten down when your body is constantly fighting you. is she capable of overcoming it...? is she capable of finding a treatment that works, and retaking her life..?

well...only she can decide that. the answer is YES...but WILL she? That's up to her.

And like RockRose said...it's up to YOU to decide if she is the sort who ever WILL - and you need to be patient and supportive and stay by her until she has the strength to stand up and change her life - or is she the type to continue to wallow and the more support and acceptance you give her, the more she'll milk it....

Not knowing her, I can't possibly say which she is. But honestly...she needs to get her depression treated and she needs to aggressively treat the migraines. Pain meds, triptans, depakote, etc....keep trying, even if they've failed in the past.

best of luck deciding what to do to move forward...it must be tough.

[RockRose]

Hmm.  Migraines are horrible,  and I agree with the others that no doc can say "it's all in your head" if someone has symptoms.    All they can say is they don't know what's causing the perception of those symptoms.  

On the other hand,  if she really is one of those people who opts out of doing anything because she'd rather sit and complain (and there are people like that) than I'd rethink.  

My son's girlfriend has migraines,  but when she's not having one,  she's up and out doing great fun stuff and is actively trying to find better meds/therapy for her migraines.  There ARE people who suffer from things that they can't quite diagnose and cure.

But I think we all know people who would rather sit and complain,  and use that as an excuse not to be active.  

You have to decide which one she is.  And women like that don't make good wives and moms.

[Kayannaboo]

It is important to know that you are human and so although you have been patient, u feel like ur patience is now running thin and that's understandable. Many times people complain of aches and pains and they go to physicians who tell them there is nothing wrong with them this does not mean that it is so. There could be many reasons contributing to it because physicians cannot feel what a person is feeling, they are not in their bodies, they can only run tests and tell us what they THINK is wrong according to what they have learnt about the human body. As cheshchesh819 said it may be depression due to various life changes it may also be stress from working too hard or just life in general.

Do not feel too upset when she goes on facebook or watch t.v. because it may be her way of relieving some of the tension and issues she's faced with. Again I agree that if you suggested she get help and she refuses that there is nothing you can do SHE has to want it and see a need for it, you cannot do that for her. Talk with her, communicate your insecurities and fears, let her know that you love her and want to be there for her but you find it difficult at times.

I hope it all works out for you two, keep us updated.

[cheshchesh819]

she sounds like she has depression,has anything changed in her life recently to bring this on,you sounds like you are supporting her as much as you can,but if she doesnt want to help herself there is not alot more you can do.