Why wont he explain?

[Jkitch789]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. At one point we lived together but I moved out because we had too many other issues in our lives that needed to be resolved, and living together wasnt healthy for either of us.  He recently told me he wants to try to have a baby next year. I asked him why he wants to have a child before we get married and he said, "I dont know, I just dont." He said he wants to have a child before he's not able to have one anymore. He wants to go to the doc and get sperm checked and all that...his family has some history of health issues and he is afraid. We are both in our mid-30s and I know the clock is ticking. I want a child with him but I have a traditional picture in my head, marriage first, kids after...Im reluctant, and unsure because he doesnt have a good reason for me...we love each other, but im scared.

[Nighthawk61]

If you need counseling together to see if the relationship is one that can thrive you need to not put if off, you need to get to it. Neither of you need to be staying in a state of limbo not knowing if there will be a wedding or not. The fact is that there is a time concern for you both to have children. Why haven't you gone to therapy to see if the relationship could move forward. ? What were you waiting for ?

[Londres70]

"He said he wants to have a child before he's not able to have one anymore. He wants to go to the doc and get sperm checked and all that...his family has some history of health issues and he is afraid."..........Well, he states this problem is in his family's medical history.  That doesn't necessarily mean he has it.  Shouldn't he get confirmation if he has or doesn't have this problem first?  At this point he is assuming he has the problem.  

Stick to your traditional picture hon and don't settle for less.

I would be scared too if my bf couldn't give me a good reason for this.

[AnnieBrooke]

You sound wise to be scared.  Have him get some sperm frozen and forget about the baby-before-wedding plan.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, when couples have issues in their lives a child could only complicate things even more and also be an unhealthy enviornment for the child. Youve aready shown you cant live together yet and he might be wanting a child only to secure his relationship with you as you mention you moved out.

[Jkitch789]

Thats a good point. The both of us are making big changes in our personal lives and doing a lot of self reflecting lately. We are definitely stronger than we were 2 years ago, but as you said I would be worried we're just not ready yet and I would never want to do anything that would negatively impact a child. I told him Im willing to get voth of us checked out medically, and I also told him I wouldnt even consider it without counseling for both of us...thanks for your thoughts.