Aa
Tempted to Chea!! Confused!
I am 26 yrs old, and have been married for almost 10 years to my husband. I have 3 children, and have met another guy that is coming on to me and is married also. My husband has been a great father and ok husband, he has never cheated, and has provided for us the best he can, but he is not the kind of guy that shows his affection with flowers, or nice comments, or anything like that. "got that from his father by the way" The guy i met is younger than me and notices even the slightest changes i make to my hair, or makeup, compliments me all the time, and tells me stuff that women like to hear, but my husband does not deserve this I know!! What can i do to stop the other guy from being near me, when i like to hear what he has to tell me?? How do i stop myself from committing the biggest mistake of my life?? I can't stay away from him because my husband and him are friends, and he has no idea what is going on, and i can't just ask him not to go visit his friend!! What can I do????
I love you all and imandaddict and mami are just simply "beautiful" inside and especially out...Judy
you're the best, Judy...even at my age I've learned so much from reading your responses to situations...
Jim
Hi Jim, haven't been here for a while and computer box died out on me...glad to see you back and thank for the nice comment. Hugs...Judy
All good, wise comments, but Judy (as so frequently she does) sums it up perfectly. I can add no more than that.
Jim
Jim
I agree with teko, you never got to sew your wild oats and it's now catching up to you. Plus the guy that is giving you attention is your husband's friend. NOT GOOD! It sounds as if you have a good marriage besides the fact that he isn't as attentive as you'd like, but guess what? That happens in EVERY relationship after being together for a while. Talk with your husband and let him know how you feel! He may be your husband but he can't read your mind so if there is something you need, you need to talk to him about it. If that doesn't do any good then seek marriage counseling, but NEVER let another man come in between you and your family. Just think of how something like that would affect your children and if for no one else, don't do anything with this man for them. I hope you find the strength and courage to do what's best.
So you got married around 16? Have 3 children, marriage has progressed normally and now the thrill of all that attention from another man is catching up to you. NO! Even as I say that I know I am wasting my breath, but this man is your hubbys friend who is absolutely the absolute worst person to even contemplate such a thing with. That is just evil! A lot of what is going on with you is that you married so young and never really got to find out who you are or lived independantly from anyone else. I always told my girls to wait and date and do all that stuff before getting married, cause if you dont, you will do it later and ruin your marriage and your childrens lives. It has held tru with one of them. Please think about the domino effect this will have not only one you but everyone around you.
The five love language book is great my husband and I just completed it. Beside telling this man you are not interested I think you need to let your husband know your needs and how you are feeling. Let him know you are vulnerable, and would like him to meet those needs in your life. If you are comfortable enough let him know what is going on and how this man makes you feel special and that is what you want from him( your husband). If not sure how he will handle it let him know you are uncomfortable with this man.
tell the man to knock it off. if you know your husband doesn't deserve you cheating on him why is it even an issue? like mami said of course this new guy is showing you tons of attention and saying all the sweet nothings...he wants a quick, easy lay.
talk to your husband. express your concerns, go to marriage counceling and get things back in order. if they guy won't stop report him to your HR rep for harassment.
talk to your husband. express your concerns, go to marriage counceling and get things back in order. if they guy won't stop report him to your HR rep for harassment.
Of course this man is telling you all these sweet things and showering you with attention. It's because he wants to get in your pants. I'm sure when your husband was wooing you in the beginning he was doing all of these things. Why don't you put your energy and focus back into your marriage and not into the flirtings with someone else? Flirt with your husband. I'm a true believer that if you show your husband that he is special and you give him affection and attention, he will show it back. This other man has a family of his own and frankly, I would tell my husband about this guy. This is not a friend your husband should be having. What kind of friend tries to go after his wife? I mean that is repulsive. You are craving something that your husband needs to give you but in order to receive that you must communicate it to your husband. Get this other man out of your lives and re-commit to your husband, to your kids and to your marriage. You stop because you know how much pain and hurt you would be inflicting on your family. And yes, I agree with the above about perhaps getting some counseling to work on your marriage.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, to answer the simple part of your question as to how to stop yourself------ tell the other man that you are committing to your relationship. You are sorry you let it get this far, it isn't right and you would like him to cease all inappropriate contact. Be firm and mean it. (and you should mean it.) The only man would only continue if you are allowing it. So don't allow it.
As far as your marriage, I would recommitt with your heart. People aren't perfect and while he has many great qualities, your husband won't be perfect either. But he may be interested in knowing some simple things that make you happy. Help guide him along. Leave a reminder for him to pick up some flowers for you. May sound unromantic but you are trying to have him pick up a new habit of pleasing you. Enough reminders to do it-------- and it might become a habit. Have you read the book "the 5 love languages"? Might be worth reading, having him read and then have a discussion about how to show love to each other so that the other really feels it.
Good luck. hope it works out for you.
As far as your marriage, I would recommitt with your heart. People aren't perfect and while he has many great qualities, your husband won't be perfect either. But he may be interested in knowing some simple things that make you happy. Help guide him along. Leave a reminder for him to pick up some flowers for you. May sound unromantic but you are trying to have him pick up a new habit of pleasing you. Enough reminders to do it-------- and it might become a habit. Have you read the book "the 5 love languages"? Might be worth reading, having him read and then have a discussion about how to show love to each other so that the other really feels it.
Good luck. hope it works out for you.
You start by realizing the life changing consequences adultery will bring. To you, your family, your job, your husband and especially your children. Temptations are everywhere and when you are tempted to stray from your marrige, means that there is a need that is not being met by your husband. You yourself has written it, "How do I stop myself from committing the biggest mistake of my life"....and destryoy lives as a result, so don't do it. Treat and respect your marriage and never do to your husband what you don't want done to you. Right now you like the attention, but this man also has a wife, possibly children and there are 2 families that will be destroyed by a just a moment in time. It's time to tell this "great, good looking other" that although you are flattered, by his attention and compliments, you both need to respect your families and lives and stay away from each other. What make you think he will not stray from you if he leaves his wife. If he is permiscuous out of the marriage, what makes you think he won't do it to someone else if he is with you. Don't be a fool and be an example of good moral values toward your husband, family and children.
It's also time to have a talk with your husband that you have needs that he has not met and are affecting you as a woman and what can you both do to resolve that problem. I'm sure if you found out your husband would consider another woman, you would probalby freak, so stop while you can. If possible, talking with a marriage counselor will help sort out the lack of attention and needs from your husband and marriage....good luck, Judy
It's also time to have a talk with your husband that you have needs that he has not met and are affecting you as a woman and what can you both do to resolve that problem. I'm sure if you found out your husband would consider another woman, you would probalby freak, so stop while you can. If possible, talking with a marriage counselor will help sort out the lack of attention and needs from your husband and marriage....good luck, Judy
Since you have been married for 10 years, I am assuming you know that a successful relationship has open communication. I would communicate with your husband your concerns so you can work on your marriage together. Does he know you miss the fact he does not notice your hair??
Good Luck and hang in there!
Good Luck and hang in there!
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