Under pressure to have anal sex :-(

[Ba1ley]

My husband of eight years is desperate to have anal sex and has been for around the last two to three years. We have three young children. We have a wonderful marriage, he is my best friend, he is affectionate, caring, loving and supportive. I love him to bits and I know he loves me. But our sex life is becoming a big issue. Since having my first child, who is now five, my sex drive has dropped. My husband loves sex so it's a definite issue. I think a lot of the problems stem from the fact that he really wants to try anal sex, and no matter how many times I tell him I have zero desire to do it, he just does NOT get the message. He says that because he wants to try it so much I should let him. He says how do I know I don't like it if I've never tried it. He says that if our sex life doesn't improve it could spell the end of our marriage because he needs it so much and I don't give him enough. He says I should be thrilled that he adores me so much that he always wants sex with me. The anal thing is an ongoing battle between us that just never gets resolved. He makes me feel like I'm a bad partner for denying him something he so obviously wants and I feel resentful that he won't respect the fact that I don't feel comfortable doing it and continually puts pressure on me to try it. I DO NOT WANT TO!!! The last thing I want to do is split up, I love him so much, he is a fantastic husband and father in every way apart from this one issue. But I'm so fed up of the constant pressure and suggestion that it's killed what was left of my sex drive! I know sex is important in a marriage but to me it is not THE most important thing whereas for him I think that it is. I don't know how to resolve this as I'm not sure he'll ever be able to let it go, but I also know I will never want to do it. What would you do if you were me?? Help please! ️Xx

[Nighthawk61]

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[Nighthawk61]

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Hope this helps too.

[Nighthawk61]

In short, make no promises either way, but be open to considering anal sex only after he has the experience of knowing what it would feel like, at which point he may well not want to hurt you this way. He may  be more of a gentle man than he was ignorant to the reality of anal sex.  '
Congratulations on your little family btw. How precious are our children.

[Nighthawk61]

My opinion is that you should not give in to his demands of having anal sex, even once. Why? because it hurts. Honestly tell him that if he takes something the same size as his engorged penis up his own arse,like a dildo specifically, and take it for a good five minutes,or the ti time it usually takes for him to orgasm, then you might consider it , of course you don't have to ever consider it for real. The thing is that  a lot of  men and women  do get off having something inserted into their rectum, it gives them a better orgasm. So i would be thinking that whiles he's asking for anal, what he might need to switch things up and make things better and new to him, would be you giving him anal sex. The idea might gross you out, maybe even tot he same extent that it would for you to be on the receiving end, but it would be you trying to satisfy his apparently growing need for further stimulation? and doing the good wifely thing..
It's not going to hurt you physically to let him experience anal sex and make a choice of whether he wants it. That of course could mean you having to do this to please him, but again it wouldn't hurt you physically, and it's not like you have to do it more than once, but it might be the thing that really does have him seeing your point of view, because even if he likes it he'll soon realize that it is not something that most people would like.

Also, it sounds like it might be high time that you need some alone time with your husband to be intimate, I think that's what a therapist's first advice would be So if you can, make a date, get someone you trust to look after your baby(s) and try to rekindle what you had before having kids, do it for you both. But realize, it doesn't have to be about the few minutes it takes him to orgasm. Teach and learn (im not suggesting you need to learn ,just making suggestions if you do: . Make the time about sensuality like a bubble bath and champagne for two., after a wonderful candle light dinner with roses for a center piece. Teach him and learn yourself, how to relax in different ways intimately, like mutual fully body massages that aren't meant to arouse a person passionately , but are meant to give relaxation only. This would take the burden off of you for sex sex sex, and gently direct your time together towards building intimacy,. In other words, he may be able to masterbate if his sex drive is that much more than your own, but you can give him something he won't ever get elsewhere , and that is relaxation and a women's sensuality.

There's more than one way to skin a cat. I'm here if you ever need to talk. NH

[AnnieBrooke]

sorry, my mistake, where I said oral of course I meant anal.

[AnnieBrooke]

... because it sounds serious enough that it is threatening your marriage.  You want to know what has made it that serious.

[AnnieBrooke]

I guess I respond to this by thinking that the argument is about something else and just has transferred to this tangible thing.  He really really really wants you to do something different than you are doing and is threatening and complaining, you really really really don't want to change what you are (not) doing and are putting your foot down.  It sounds like it has turned into a control fight.  I'd almost be willing to suggest that whether or not you guys try oral sex, there would be other versions of this that pop up.  (I mean, if you really wanted to please him or just to have some peace, you would just have tried it once and gotten him to shut up about it.)  Anyway, I would see a therapist and figure out the root of the fight.

[fantima_r]

sex is the naturall need of a normal body ...after preg and child bith sex desire reduces...and trust me it effects the relationship badly...its his need...you are not normal but your hubby is...you are his wife...so he will ask you for his needs....but you have a right to refuse too...but this is not normal...please consult to a doctor and therapist to boost your sex life...as you said he is a very good father and husband so splitting up is not an option...you can give him oral because men like oral alot...in my point of view....you can compensate his sex desire by giving him oral or by trying doggy style(with vaginal intercourse)...he should listen to you too as my bf does....

[specialmom]

You have every right to not have anal sex.  Don't blame you.  good luck

[RockRose]

If you had vaginal sex with him on a regular basis,  would that solve the problem?  It sounds like you are having almost no sex at all,  which might lead his imagination and desires to wander to anal sex.  

For men,  sex is one of the most important parts of marriage.  It's different for women,  I know.  But many men marry for  one of the main purposes of having a regular wiling sex partner,  and he's willing to accommodate her in a variety of ways,  and he loves her.  But one of the main reasons for marriage is to have a willing partner.