Need help

[mridiot]

I need to talk to someone. I am married almost three years. No kids yet. My wife and I are both doctors. I grew up with a group of guys that were like having a dozen brothers. There was alot of good to that and in our case alot of bad. We thought we were "the guys". We all had our girlfriends or pick-ups but when alone we were the macho jerks. We'd get drunk, pick up, drop some money at clubs and go to strip joint / parlors. Even when we found the girls we knew we loved and would marry we were still the 12 or so fools. That carried through bachelor parties, trips to see out of town games, our annual gathering, and just nights out here and there to relieve life's sh*t as we liked to put it. But more and more I started realizing we were jacka**e* and wondering why I was leaving a real woman that I loved at home while going out with the boys. I found I was not enjoying it - it was empty. I started backing down a bit and being less of a player for lack of a better word. I then stopped and told the guys that is just not for me anymore - I don't want it. Of course they think I am a wimp, think my wife controls me and in a way they do not trust me. Its like they are afraid that I have become so whipped (as they put it) that I may tell my wife about them. I'd never do that as I do not want to be the reason of breaking up homes especially with kids. But I do want to tell my wife about me and just start over. I read that when you cheat and confess the marriage that you knew ceases but a new and better one can begin. But is that fair to her? Does she need to know? I do not want to tell her to make myself feel better. I want to tell her to close the chapter on lies and let her know that I stupidly learned what my vows mean to me after I said them. One guy is getting married ina  few months and I backed out of the celebration and advised him to do the same - to learn from my mistake. Honestly I think the friendship is over the way he looked at me. What I am asking as I am going in a circle is - what is better for my wife - to know and decide whether to go on with me but to have to feel pain or for me to learn from my mistakes and be the husband I should have been. I was actually going to go ask a priest but who would know better than other women?

[laura1977]

I don't know, If my husband cheated that would be a pretty bad thing for me to handle and get over.  The thing is yes some females stay, but they NEVER let their husbands forget what they did.  
I too would not stay with a man that abused me or the children, addiction, or pedophilia.

[Happy2girls]

We all have things that won't be tolerated in a marriage, for me it's abuse, addiction or pedophilia.  If my husband cheated on me I would not automatically throw him out no questions asked.  But that is for each individual to decide.  However, it's always easier to say what we would or wouldn't do in a situation we have never faced.  I would not think poorly of anyone who made a choice different from the one that I think I would make.    

[laura1977]

Don't encourage bip.  hehehe
I'm kidding bip.
Right on!!!!!

[girliegrl1723]

haha. not nice - but true. i have no tolerance for it either. get over yourself ya know? if you need to cheat, you don't need to be married.

[laura1977]

Personally if my husband cheated, he would be out the door in a heart beat, because I would never be able to get over the fact that he had no respect for me, our marriage, or our kids.  
Don't people realize that cheating never works and the person that cheats always is upset and feels sorry.
Get a blow up doll if you want a different body, and if you need it warm put a heating pad under it.
Sorry, that wasn't nice.

[girliegrl1723]

amen. i was trying to avoid the cliche but its so true.