anyone in the same boat.....

[babybee123]

its always nice wen u have a problem to share it with others who r in the same boat or ask peoples advice without having to go down the road of a counseller especially if moneys abit tight.. I have had violent relationships in the past then met my perfect man.. we got engaged then married in june.. I always get jealous or paranoid wen we out and about thinking hes looking at other woman cos he wants something better than me.. maybe it cos my x put me down so much i dont know and now i think nothing of myselve.. He also has his son every other weekend which he had with a previous partner but he seems so dif towards me wen he has him and as thou i dont exsist... anyone else in the same boat as me or can give some helpful advice.. x  

[teko]

Jealousy is a very strong emotion. It is one that causes us to react almost immediately to our feelings.  We lash out and say something, reveal our hurt by crying or even setting limits on our partners behavior. My significant other, poor thing would walk while looking at the ground to avoid looking at any female and thus get my wrath! Try walking away, not saying anything or revealing how upset you are. It will be really hard but is worth the effort. I am older and do not have that issue anymore, but my memory of it serves me well. It was like I was the only abnormal one in a normal world but just could not figure out how to change me, even as much as I wanted to. Good luck and if you can afford a therapist, it might be a good idea. Hugs

[babybee123]

thanks teko and judy for ur message but teko wat do u mean practice not giving in.. x

[Judy246]

Your past relationship has left you completely traumatized and it's spilling over into your present relationship. If you don't change your ways, you will destroy your marriage with trust issues and your insecurities. The past is the past and you need to put it behind you in order to move forward. If you need to talk to a counselor, therapist, priest or whomever you choose, your emotions are debilitating and will not let move forward to maintain a healthy marriage and home environment.  You are permitting your ex to continue to victimize you emotionally and in thought. Accept what you can not change and open your heart and mind to your new husband and give him a chance. Good luck

[teko]

Violent relationships rob you of your self image. When you are treated and told how worthless you are often enough you begin to believe it. I believe that jealousy is a reflection of self image and not so much with what the other person has or is doing. I do know this. Jealousy will rob you of a good relationship. If you go around thinking you are not good enough to keep a man, then you will eventually convince him you are right and he will split simply to get away from the feeling that jealousy invokes. It also sounds like jealously is also present when he has his child, and again this is more you feeling replaced than anything and it is in your own head. When you feel that way, practice not giving in and reacting to it. With practice it will get easier.  I have been there and know first hand how ugly it makes us feel!