Aa
dazed n confused
I'm 41 my hubby is 45. We've been married for a little over 5 yrs. My problem is he and I were a very sexually active couple. I love being active with my hubby. Since late last yr things have been going south. I don't know what's causing this change. I've asked him he basically gets mad blows me off. We no longer are sexually active. On his days off he doesn't spend time with me. When we do talk it's bout bills or things that need to get done around our home. In one of our discussions he told me how his female co workers loved their husbands and I didn't love him. How they went that extra mile so their man could be happy. Recently he had surgery I was there by his side for 3 days. I helped him bathe himself. I changed his soiled gown/boxers. How do I not go that extra mile..? What more do I need to do besides work..take care of home chores. . I feel like he's got himself someone else..when I've mentioned it..he gets real upset. I'm starving here..stepping out on him is NOT an option. .but like seriously..what am I doing here..I feel like I'm invisible to him..undesirable.. Should I just give up?? Would you? ?
The fact that you do not want to go to therapy, and would rather end the relationship says it all. There's too much water under the bridge. Without some help for the both of you, the relationship is done, it's only a matter of logistics now. I hope that the transition is made as easy as possible, and that you get out there and find a more suitable mate, that has lasting power.
Im here if you ever want to talk.
Liz
Im here if you ever want to talk.
Liz
Compassion is a wonderful thing and being able to see someone else's potential is a very powerful tool that us
women were blessed with. However, it has to be kept in
its place. Helping someone through difficulties is one thing, staying in a relationship with a man who is incapable of giving you what you need and ends up dragging you down in the process is quite another.
This situation will make him feel like a failure for not being what you want and it will make you feel like a failure for not getting him to be the man you know
he's capable of being.In a relationship, you have to
accept the person for who they are, as they are and you have to assume they aren't going to change.
If it's a healthy relationship where both parties are in
stable places emotionally, you will naturally bring out
the best in one another. If it's an unhealthy relationship, you will only tear each other down.
Above anything else in a relationship, you MUST ask yourself this one question: Do I like myself when I am with him? That's it. End of story. If he brings out your worst and squashes your best, extinguishing that inner fire that makes you and trampling on the ashes, then get the hell out of the burning building and never look back!
women were blessed with. However, it has to be kept in
its place. Helping someone through difficulties is one thing, staying in a relationship with a man who is incapable of giving you what you need and ends up dragging you down in the process is quite another.
This situation will make him feel like a failure for not being what you want and it will make you feel like a failure for not getting him to be the man you know
he's capable of being.In a relationship, you have to
accept the person for who they are, as they are and you have to assume they aren't going to change.
If it's a healthy relationship where both parties are in
stable places emotionally, you will naturally bring out
the best in one another. If it's an unhealthy relationship, you will only tear each other down.
Above anything else in a relationship, you MUST ask yourself this one question: Do I like myself when I am with him? That's it. End of story. If he brings out your worst and squashes your best, extinguishing that inner fire that makes you and trampling on the ashes, then get the hell out of the burning building and never look back!
For one..he says I don't love him because I don't cook as much as he'd like for me too..I don't pack lunch for him on a day to day basis..I earn more than what he earns so I carry more responsabilities than what he does. Yet he expects for me to pay more than what I already do. I help my mom out every now and then..My dad passed away to cancer so my mom doesn't have that extra support anymore. My hubby says I should be helping him instead of my mom. He's always money hungry to him enough is never enough. When I step out he says he's here at home. When we're at home he's always on his phone..when he gets a call he always runs to the restroom or elsewhere. I know where he's at most of the time. He does not leave without telling me. It's just that change..I'm ready to give up..Im not interested in counciling. Yesterday we had another argument this time it was cause I don't know how to talk to him or how to express myself. He says I never learned how to talk..he went on on saying everything he didn't like about me..but not ones did he say what he did like about me..I asked him then why still be with me..He said he loved me. I asked what he loved about me..he was speechless. I got no answer. I realize there's no such thing as a perfect couple. .I'm not perfect I'm a very direct person which is a big issue for him. There are things bout him that I don't like yet I still love him.I don't try to change him or ask him to talk a certain way..so he could be more to my standards. I told him we should just call it quits. Maybe he should find that person. I know I'm not what he wants. He's pointed it out to me loud and clear.
What does he do on his days off ? Is he out of the house a lot? Does he take off with you not knowing where he's going? It sounds like there may be a possibility that he's stepping out on you, i'm afraid. If you were sexually active for four years, and then all of a sudden, he was no longer available to you, it sounds like he may be doing something that he shouldn't be doing. On his days off when he's not with you. If it were me, i would tell him that since he's not able to talk to you, then you need to go into marriage counseling. I'm really sorry that you're going through what you are. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.
Do you have no idea why he would say that you don't love him? It seems like you should have some idea of why he would say that.
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
