Question for the ladies (Men can chime in to though).

[cdm763]

Ok, a few days back I posted a question about my wife saying that I wasn't neccesarily the best lover she ever had. After some thiking (And admittedly, some whining) I have decided to stop focusing on the fact that I'm not, and figure out how to become just that. Been doing some reading online and there are some pretty good sites out there with some good suggestions, at least on the surface. However, I have a question for the ladies. A lot of the stuff I've read focuses on more of the intimate, slow, love making type suggestions. My wife is really not into that to be honest. I'm not guessing or speaking for her, this has come out of her own mouth. She has said on several occasions over the years that she loves me, and she loves having sex with me, but when it comes right down to it, she doesn't care much about "making love", she likes to F*** her husband.

I was thinking yesterday about our sex life over the years and how its changed, and came to the realization that, as much as I hat eto admit it, I am quite simply not anywhere NEAR the same lover to her that I was 8 or 10 years ago. I think obviously, when a man first meets a woman and if he really likes her a lot, then that first time (or the first several times or even more) his number one concern is to make sure she is completely satisfied with the sex. Unfortunately, we can get complacent as time go's on and not be as concerned about her satisfaction as we once were. Maybe even just on a subconscious level, you're married now, she loves you, you don't feel like you have anything to prove anymore, or whatever it may be. I feel like I have been guilty of that.

So, one question I have a simple. Could something as simple as just making sure the sex lasts longer, the way I did back in the first year or so we were together, make all the difference? As I was thinking yesterday, I thought about certain times back when we were in our first year or so of our relationship, and I remembered fondly those nights that we'd go at it for sometimes 3 or 4 hours, stopping only for cigarette breaks and a drink of water in between. Something else I remember about those times is her reaction afterwards. The way she would wrap her arms around me and hold on tight like she was holding onto something very valuable, like a prized possession. Now, I'm not 25 yrs old anymore, so the thought of me going for 3 or 4 hours is actually somewhat humorous to me, quite frankly. However, I also know full well that I can last longer than I do nowadays. So again, can just lasting longer make it all better?

Now, a question for the fellas (Or women, if you have any suggestions). even in my younger days, back when I was able to go for long periods during sex, I have NEVER been one who can start again once I've came. The trick back then was, I'm actually NOT proud to say, that I was a HEAVY drinker. I sobered up 2 yrs ago, and quickly found out that when I'm not platered on hard liqour, I simply can't last that long before I come. Believe me I've tried, its even frustrating to me at times, especially when I first sobered up (I guess after two years, I've gotten used to the fact and just decided that it was a small price to pay to be sober). I also miss the days when I was able to "bring it" any and everytime we got ready. You get older though, and then just the way things are, right? And its not like going back to drinking a fifth of hard liqour every night is even a remote option, so it is what it is, yes? Well, thats the rationale I've been using for quite some time now, but thats just as good as giving up, throwing your hands up and giving in, and I've never been that type of guy. So why do it now when the love and affection, or adoration might be a better word, of my beautiful wife is at stake? So, my question is this, are there any tips on being able to last longer before you come? I've looked and read some stuff, but honestly I don't think some of the things I'm reading will help me much, if at all. One technique, for example, that I found on more than one site, suggests that when you get a few moments (or strokes) from being "there", to thrust as deep as possible and stop, then "shimmy" your pelvic area, as it will, according to the many people/sites that suggested this technique, lessen the sensation to your penis and therefore slow down the impulse to come. Then once it go's away, get back after it. Problem is, maybe I have different sensitive areas than most men (For instance, according to everything I've read, the most sensitive area is the head itself. Not for me though. It's the area JUST BELOW the head, and its ULTRA sensitive), but I actually used to use that exact same technique, back in my drinking days, when I was having a problem coming and we were both too tired and ready to quit. For whatever reason, doing that actually stimulates that very sensitive area for me and will have the opposite effect, it will make me finish sooner. So, I'm up for any and all suggestions or tips. Lay them on me.

[AndyMarie]

My boyfriend is the same way.. He used to last forever and now not so much. I think that lasting longer has a lot to do with pleasing a woman. Also my boyfriend and I have tried different things to see the effects for instance viagra, it did make him last longer. We have also tried an over the counter pill that we got at an adult store that worked too but made him feel funny. I just think that you should have a conversation with your wife about trying different things like that and see if it does anything different. she's a luck woman to have a husband who cares so much to please her.    

[cdm763]

Womanontop said: "If I were your wife and  found this post, I would be all over you."

Are you suggesting that I "accidently" leave this website open to my post and "fall asleep" so when she comes home from work tonight, she'll see it?? That sounds a bit deceptive and dishonest. I don't know if I'd feel comfortable tricking her into.... Ahhh, who am I kidding, you speak my language, you're my new best friend!!!  :-)

Ok, seriously... Thanks for the compliment... When I first met my wife she was only 19 and I was 25... While I had been with many women (Had even already been married and divorced), she was just the opposite, she didn't have much experience in the bedroom. Frankly, she wasn't that great just purely on a sexual level alone. However, I really liked her a lot. She was beautiful and sexy, and I think I kinda liked her innocence a bit. I never told her that, but I always knew that she kinda felt a little insecure given my experience vs hers. The plus side for me was that I was quite positive that she had never, upto that point, had anyone rock her world like I was able to. Not bragging or anything, its just that a 25 yr old with lots of experience vs two teenagers who, if they were anything CLOSE to every other teenaged guy I've ever known, only thought they knew what they were doing in bed at that point. To her credit, she worked on her insecurity, watched porn with me, and over a little bit of time, became fantastic in bed. Well, we seperated a couple of yrs ago, and just recently got back together to give it another try. You know, in some ways I guess I'm kicking myself for letting her get out there and find out that I'm not neccesarily the best thing since sliced bread lol... Kinda *****.. I miss the days already when she was inexperienced but great in bed.. Haha!! Comical, I know, but I'm just being honest.. The other side to it though, is that our second time around would never work out had she not gotten out there, because one of our biggest issues was that she wanted to be under me ALL THE TIME... Now, she's more indipendent, and she realizes that she can survive without me... Yeah, its a catch 22... But it had to happen for there even to be a CHANCE to make it work this time around, so now I just need to accept the facts, and do what I can do... So I figure, rather than mope and moan about it, take the same approach she did. Make some changes and blow her mind.

[Womanontop]

Um, I can answer that last one..." is one orgasm better than the other (In terms of oral vs. penetration)?? " It is all in the mind for me. Every woman is different if you ask me. But personally, sex for a woman begins in the morning by speaking sweetly or naughty to me. Words turn me on and I get my orgasms by feeling sexy. (Notice orgasms is plural, guys!) So If you want to know which is better... Personally there is no "better" (for me). I *** very easily because it is all in my head. For example, if your wife is all cranky about the kiddos (if you have kids), or upset about a phone call bill collector, chances are she is not in the mood to get her rocks off either way you do it. But if she has been smooth talked all day long (ie: sex texts) and talked to sweetly, that is how she will best respond. I will *** maybe two or three times when I let "myself". My hubby helps by talking dirty to me or just making me feel sexy. This is just my take on it though. Bottom line... a woman needs to feel like a goddess. I think Rihanna agrees on this one...http://youtu.be/pa14VNsdSYM Just Sayn! LOL

[Womanontop]

No answer for you buddy just a simple comment... you are totally awesome for putting forth this much effort in your relationship. Your post alone should turn your wife on to think she is lucky enough to have someone who cares this much and invests his time in your love life and  take his relationship to a whole new, brand new level. If I were your wife and  found this post, I would be all over you. You are tops pal! And maybe your wifey is looking for a bit of the spontaneous. I am going on ten years and we still "do it" in naughty places! Hood of the car in the country, in the hallway of a big resort (on a chair), the late night movies, any place you won't get caught! LOL But make it spontaneous, ey. Just sayn how a woman in her prime would like it! Good luck.

[cdm763]

Too much to leave in one post, exceeded character limit lol... I know, probably overkill, but at least it shows my willingness to do whats neccesary, so cut me some slack :-) Here's the rest of my post...



Ok, now another one for the ladies. Are you just as satisfied if you come by recieving oral sex as if your lover makes you come during penetration?? According to everthing I've researched, an astonishing amount of women secretly have NEVER even had an orgasm during intercourse (IS THAT TRUE?!?). Its apparently not an easy task to be able to make your woman have an orgasm during sex, without the use of a mans mouth, fingers, a toy, or whatever else they may be into. This actually BLEW my mind, for a couple of reasons. Not the least of which is because this is actually a very scary proposition for men, is it not? I mean, if/when you do FINALLY find that one man that can make you achieve that elusive "penetration induced orgasm", it would seem to me that it would be very hard to accept anything less ever again. Maybe I'm wrong, but wow, I can only imagine if that were true for a man, and I finally found a woman who could make me come during sex, I'd be hers FOREVER, no questions asked lol... So again, the question is, is one orgasm better than the other (In terms of oral vs. penetration)??


And last but not least, another for the ladies. I realize that there is a difference in making a woman have an orgasm, and then making a woman have an ORGASM, that apparently mind blowing, long lasting, leave her shaking type orgasm. All men know I owuld assume, because at some piont or another we have given a woman one of those mind blowing ones, even if we didn't know exactly what we did different with those women than we did with the rest. Forgive us for it being difficult for us to understand, it simply isn't that way for us. I mean, yeah okay, theres a difference nowadays simply based on how long it takes me to get there as opposed to 10 years ago. Back then, after all the buildup and ALMOST getting there, and then starting over again, and then getting almost there again, etc... Yeah, after all that, when I did finally get there, I would come a lot "harder" than I do now after 5 minutes and done. But the ones I'm talking about are REALLY different for you ladies as compared to a normal one. So, I guess thats what I wanna know is, whats the big difference? Is there something in particular that a man can do to you that will cause you to have thattype of orgasm, in other words, ANY man could give youone if he knew exactly what to do?? What is it, assuming you've ever been the lucky recipient of one, that will give you THAT type of an orgasm? I would asume it can't be achieved through oral sex. Would that be correct? Is it simply "unexplainable"? Help me out here ladies, I'm trying to make my wife a happier woman, and yeah okay, boost my self esteem in the process. It a win-win, so give up the secrets, if not for me, then for your fellow woman, my wife :-)

I know its a lot folks, but I'm really interested in responses. I need to quit worrying about what I can't change (The fact that she made that statement), and focus on what I might CAN change, my sexual performance, and in turn, her feelings about me in that department. Thanks in advance for any responses.