Sacrifice marriage???

[Pres0081]

I guess this questions can be answered by both male and females. I have always dreamed of getting married one day, like most girls do. I don't want a huge day filled with lots of things. Something simple, family and friends, just to celebrate love I guess. Thing is, I've been with my bf for 3 years and he doesn't really believe in marriage. His parents have been together for about 30 years and are not married. His sister was with the same man for more than 10 years and they just got married. His brother has been with his gf for 11 years and they aren't even engaged. All of them are in their 30's. I'm 23 and he's 27. I don't plan on getting married soon but I would like to be able to experience it one day.

I guess my question is: Would you be willing to give up the idea of getting married with a man/woman you love because it is not important to them?

I know lots of happy couples aren't married but this is important to me.

[imanaddict]

Everyone is saying not to compromise. What about him? If he gives in and marries you, then he'll be the one giving up his dream of never being married. Who should compromise?  I have no clue, but either way someone is not going to be happy and possibly resentful which will result in a bad ending. This is a tough one! Hopefully with a LOT of communication you guys can come to a happy medium. I wish you the best!

[skepticalpeach]

I think it's important for couples to be on the same page when it comes to marriage. That said, I don't think it's necessary for couples to get married if they don't want to. I've seen so many couples fall apart because one person wanted to get married and the other one did not. It's not that they didn't love each other, it's just that they grew apart because they didn't want the same thing.

If you are willing to be with him while he doesn't want marriage, I think that's wonderful. But, if it's something you personally believe that you need then that's different.

I've been married almost 4 years now and I like the security of being married. There are times that I know we would have broken up if we hadn't been married. On the other hand, I know a couple who has no intention of getting married and they are very happy together. It's hard to say what to do in a relationship because the individual dynamics are so different. But, yes I would give up marriage to be with the one I love; although it would not be an easy decision for someone like me.

[jo929]

I think that i am i butterfly igave you good advice, i have never compromised what i believe in, and i have been in this ole world a long time, do not give up your hopes and dreams Maybe you would like to comment on my journal HOPES AND DREAMS  People that do not believe in marriage, i can see no furure there, there will always be a small part of them that will wonder why, and also will feel uncertain of their mate to a certain degree, or at least this is what i personally believe keep your hopes and dreams do not give in   luck  jo

[Judy246]

You deserve to be in a exclusive committed relationship with a man who share the same values towards the future as you do, but not everyone feels that way and you should have know by know that he is marriage phobic. I know lot's of guys who do not want a committed relationship (just date) and are marriage phobic.

Communication is key in all relationships. Sit down with him and ask him, "where do you see us 5 yrs from now", his answer should tell you in the direction and decisions that you will need to make. Good luck.

[megochick101]

i agree with the above. It is your dream to one day be married to the man you love, and i'm sure you see this as the ultimate sign of love and commitment. He may just see marriage as a legal paper which has nothing to do with how he feels about you. He doesn't see the significance in marriage. You do have to think of it from his point of view though. his parents have been together for 30 years and are still happy and in love with each other(at least it sounds that way) and they didn't need to be married to celebrate that love, same with his sister and brother. While it's true you do not necessarily need to be married to be completely committed to your partner, i can definitely understand how you feel on the situation too. I've been with my husband for 6 years(married for 3) and to me being married is both of our ways of telling each otehr how much we love and are committed to each other. Based on how his family is, just because he may not think marriage is important in no way means he is not committed to you or that he doesn't love you. I believe it mostly stems from the kind of family environment he grew up in.

I would sit down and have a serious talk to him about what you both feel a marriage signifies to a relationship.

[mami1323]

If you believe in it and he doesn't you will always feel like you are missing something.  You will feel unfulfilled and eventually grow to resent him because he wouldn't give you what your heart desired.  I have been engaged for 3 years and want to be married so badly.  My fiance doesn't want to rush it but we've been together for 6 years and have a child, I am left feeling like he will never give me what I want and whether I should stay.  It will always be an issue.

[Vance2335]

I agree with the people above. This is your dream and you should have your dream. It's not like your dream is to live on an island and be a multi-millionair. Your dream is very reasonable and your bf should compromise to make you happy.

[kllmfae]

If he loves you and understands it is important to you he should be happy to do it for you, no matter how much he thinks it is pointless.
My boyftriend also thinks that marriage is a bit pointless but I still believe in it, especially because I have some traditional views eg no kids before marrige.

[iam1butterfly]

Never compromise in what you believe in.
Marriage is your dream... and you're entitled to live that dream.
One of the saddest things in life is the dream... unfulfilled.