Severe anxiety after cheating

[Jlynn0609]

I had just cheated on my husband by kissing a man and playing with myself over video chat. Now I only told my husband of 2 years that I just recently kissed another man after not listening to everyone when they told me not to say anything. But my anxiety was getting the worst of me. I felt so guilty that I did such a thing. So one night after numerous panic attacks I couldn't take it anymore. I told him. He was devastated and hurt and still is. But I never told him about the video thing after seeing how hurt he was. Should I tell him still or just Take it to my grave. My panic attackso get worse when he is around and I want to tell him so bad but I think he will leave me..... I have been dealing with this for about 5 days now. Not being able to eat, sleep or anything. I take medicine for my anixety but it isn't working like it should. What should I do? I think I'm now getting depressed over all this, it's making me think if I still love him, which I know I do. But is this normal? What should I do?

[Mother0403]

You are feeling "Guilty" that's why you are having panic attacks. When you tell him the rest of what he needs to know the attacks will stop.

I can't say your husband will stick around after you tell him, but I do know you will feel better and maybe find out why you cheated in the first place. You have to realize he is going to need some space, time apart, and he may yell and scream. But if you truly love him then  you must listen to him. He's aloud to feel pain just as you are.

I think your going to be o.k, unless you want to end it. Let's make sure there isn't a next time. He will forgive you just as you need to forgive your self.

[specialmom]

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time of it right now.  A few things come to mind for me when I read your post.  First, I have to ask, why the cheating?  What lead to that?  Were you depressed when you did it and possibly trying to apply a band aid?  Are there issues in your relationship?  It's important to do some soul searching about this as it will help you explain yourself to your husband.  

I'm glad you are getting treatment for your anxiety.  Panic attacks are terrible!  Are you seeing a psychiatrist or regular doctor--  who overseas the medication?  Might be worth checking in with them on the issue of these break through panic attacks.  You will still have ups and downs when on medication--  it rounds out the edges but you still 'feel' real life things in an impactful way--  you don't become totally numb or anything (as that isn't good either).  But really important, do you see anyone that you talk to like a psychologist?  You should invest in this if you are not currently seeing one.  May help you sort out why this happened and where to go from here.  

I can't tell you whether or not you should tell your partner that you played with yourself on video.  I can understand your fear in this.  But you are having such severe anxiety holding it in as well.  I think you two will need couple's counseling to move past this.  But again, the big question is what is underneath it all.  What led to the behavior to begin with.  good luck