Aa
Should I end it? If so, how do I do it?
I'm hoping someone can help me...although I know it's only me who can get to the bottom of this. Here it goes. This is very hard for me but I don't want to hurt anymore and I definitely don't want to hurt my girlfriend anymore. We've dated 7 years - 7 beautiful years. The problem is we've grown apart and it seems like we're more like friends than in a real relationship. In fact, sadly I've cheated on her and I hate myself everyday for it...the problem is I can't stop and don't know that I ever will. I thought for sure that I wanted to marry her and I know I'm only lying to myself and her at the same time. The problem is I can't break up with her...it's like I'm so selfish and I just keep her around. I don't know if it's because I'm afraid of change, or afraid to hurt her or that I'll never find love again...I just know that something is not right in our relationship anymore. I love her to death but I don't think I'm IN LOVE with her anymore. I just don't feel the same way that I used to feel but at the same time I don't want to lose her. I don't know what's wrong with me. She deserves better than me? She deserves someone who should love her the way she deserves to be loved. I want so badly to be that person but I just know that it will never be that way again...and what's frustrating about it is that I don't know why. Everyone tells me that I just need to break up with her but it's so much easier said than done. We've been through a lot over the past couple of weeks and now would just be horrible timing to call it off. I've found a girl that really makes me happy and we just clicked from the beginning and that scares me because I don't know if it's fake or if it's a sign that it's time to end it with my girlfriend. I hate myself so much and I don't think I deserve happiness for what I've done. I feel like a jerk, I never wanted to be "that guy." Part of me wants to be with her so bad. SO BAD! Sadly, part of me doesn't know what I want anymore. She has such a beautiful heart and would never do anything like this to me. This has just hurt way to long and I don't know where else to go and what else to do. I'm hoping someone can please help me. What should I do?
Thanks.
Thanks.
Listen, you egotistical feminist *****...don't you dare sit there and judge me! I'm sure you've done plenty of bad things in your life that I could turn around and throw in your face. How bout the fact that the other girl I'm seeing knows about my girlfriend. Does that make me the only JERK in this situation?! Does she get off scott free?! I admitted to what I've done to you guys and I was here to get support on how to confront my girlfriend...not to hear what I already know! You people are all hypocrites and venting at people like me is the only thing that makes you feel better. I never should have come here. If anybody has any REAL advice for me or has any suggestions on the type of counseling that I or she and I should get I would greatly appreciate it. As for you prettykitty and for all the others who just want to criticize me all day...bite me!!!
yeah me too. keep on criticizing people...that'll get you far. typical. just typical.
yes i have done some pretty bad things in my past! i didnt go on a public forum and ask what i should do. with this kind of anger im surprised you have any females that want to be with you. this isnt about the "other" girl. this is about you, and your girlfriend. what did you want to hear really? i believe your question has been answered but you dont like the answer i guess. do this, really its the only right thing. tell your girlfriend about your cheating. tell her like you told us, you arent in love with her. she will take care of the rest im sure. making it easy for you to get out of the relationship. im guessing that is what you want? for her to leave you then you can be the "dumped" one? rather than get so mad here, put your energy into a positive and productive manner.
Honey, I've made plenty of mistakes in my life - blunders in my career, issues with my family, and messed up relationships. Sometimes it was my sh*t that caused the relationship to go south, sometimes it was the guy's sh*t, sometimes it was two people who were inappropriate for one another coming together and messing everything up just by BEING together.
All I can tell you is that I'm about 20 years older than you and have the experience to show for it. I've been in therapy off and on for years and still have sh*t I haven't worked out. (As people on this forum can probably tell you.)
I think you've got issues pointing to fear of intimacy. And you need to figure out why you treat people you supposedly love with so much contempt and disrespect. That comes from being treated badly yourself in the past, or watching other male "role models" in your childhood and your past mistreating women.
As pertykitty said, this isn't "about" your new girlfriend. Bringing her into this fray by pointing out her "shortcoming" (supposedly knowing about the first woman) shows how clueless and lost you are about your own behavior. That's called doing "mop-up" and damage control, and it's a weak position to be coming from. It indicates how you are trying to let yourself off the hook or attempt to prove somehow that you are not really "such a bad guy," because this other woman somehow isn't blameless in this drama.
That tactic is beneath anybody who has an emotional maturity level above that of a tapeworm. That's a ploy you see on a grade school playground, not in a supposedly intelligent adult male out having supposedly mature relationships with women. It's another way of deflecting responsibility away from yourself.
My advice is to leave both women and start working on yourself. You have a long way to go, and the sooner you get started, the better. Do you really want to be heading towards your 30s continuing with behaviors like this?
All I can tell you is that I'm about 20 years older than you and have the experience to show for it. I've been in therapy off and on for years and still have sh*t I haven't worked out. (As people on this forum can probably tell you.)
I think you've got issues pointing to fear of intimacy. And you need to figure out why you treat people you supposedly love with so much contempt and disrespect. That comes from being treated badly yourself in the past, or watching other male "role models" in your childhood and your past mistreating women.
As pertykitty said, this isn't "about" your new girlfriend. Bringing her into this fray by pointing out her "shortcoming" (supposedly knowing about the first woman) shows how clueless and lost you are about your own behavior. That's called doing "mop-up" and damage control, and it's a weak position to be coming from. It indicates how you are trying to let yourself off the hook or attempt to prove somehow that you are not really "such a bad guy," because this other woman somehow isn't blameless in this drama.
That tactic is beneath anybody who has an emotional maturity level above that of a tapeworm. That's a ploy you see on a grade school playground, not in a supposedly intelligent adult male out having supposedly mature relationships with women. It's another way of deflecting responsibility away from yourself.
My advice is to leave both women and start working on yourself. You have a long way to go, and the sooner you get started, the better. Do you really want to be heading towards your 30s continuing with behaviors like this?
I agree with my egotistical feminist b***** sisters. The fact that you would refer to women who were responding to you in such in such a manner shows a deep lack of respect for women.
I dated someone just like you. I am now very happily married, he has lived with 8 women since me and has been through one divorce. He is a sad lonely man in his 40's. That is what happens to cheats, eventually they run out of gullible women. I have no bitterness towards him, in fact I feel sorry for him as he has yet to learn from his mistakes. I doubt he ever will.
You need to come clean with your girlfriend. If you want out, tell her so. If you want this other girl, tell her so. If your gf is willing to try and work it out, you need to seek couples counselling.
Do I think you are a hopeless case? Certainly not, I know people can change if they are motivated to do so. However, if you ever want a solid, long term relationship honesty is your number one goal.
Good luck.
I dated someone just like you. I am now very happily married, he has lived with 8 women since me and has been through one divorce. He is a sad lonely man in his 40's. That is what happens to cheats, eventually they run out of gullible women. I have no bitterness towards him, in fact I feel sorry for him as he has yet to learn from his mistakes. I doubt he ever will.
You need to come clean with your girlfriend. If you want out, tell her so. If you want this other girl, tell her so. If your gf is willing to try and work it out, you need to seek couples counselling.
Do I think you are a hopeless case? Certainly not, I know people can change if they are motivated to do so. However, if you ever want a solid, long term relationship honesty is your number one goal.
Good luck.
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