Should I leave my boyfriend?

[acunderwood]

I have been with this amazing man for almost three years. I can totally be myself when I am with him. He is 30 and I am 23. I love our relationship, but this year is really testing our relationship. I recently moved into my first apartment. Unfortunately he still lives with his parents and will not move in with me. Keep in mind, he is 30 years old! He is also a total mamas boy. He depends on her to cook,clean, wash his clothes, and iron them. My boyfriend has it made. Plus I do not think his mother likes me or she's jealous that I am taking him away from her? She has said some rude comments about me and currently I am not a big fan of her. Anyways, he is so afraid of telling is mother that he wants to move out. I could understand if he didn't want to move in due to saving money, but he blames it on his mother being old fashioned. My parents are the same way, but now they've realized that they would rather my boyfriend live with me, instead of me being by myself. My boyfriend is just so afraid that if he moves out, his parents will cut him off. The only thing his parents pay for are his medical bills and car insurance. He has a disease called cystic fibrosis and thankfully he doesn't have it as bad as other people, so he doesn't have multiple visits to the doctor or multiple stays in the hospital. He has a degree in accounting, so he makes a decent amount of money. I'm getting ready to graduate from college and I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to start settling down. I just wish that he Would man up and talk to his parents.

[Nighthawk61]

First off, I think you are judging your relationship inaccurately. He is being pacified currently, all his needs are being met, but how would he handle himself in a real relationship is as of yet, unknown. Do you want to be his caretaker as his mother is? or do you have the expectation that he would back up his need for ironed clean clothes by doing the work himself? What are your expectations and have you discussed it with him? I feel for him that he has cystic fibrosis and understand why a sickly child would stay in their family of origin home to be looked after, but is he able to leave and function as an adult? This is unknown to you and to him. If he is not excited about trying to branch out on his own, i think you have your answer as to how he would fare in a relationship. Attitude has everything to do with how a relationship will work out and currently, he is not showing that he has a good attitude, or expectation that he will survive life on his own without his parents. You are young, and if you feel that you would like to have an equal partnership, i think you need to consider moving on. You can always love this man as a friend, but he may not be your best chance at a full and happy life for yourself and your children (if it is your wish to have a family). My second late husband had an illness from childhood. He was a juvenile diabetic. and as much as I loved that man, his world was about his own health issues, and not so much for raising a family. I lost him to his disease and moved on with a man that was capable of raising a family (which was what i needed as i already had a son from a prior marriage). My late husband I loved dearly, moreso for his illness, but while he was what i wanted, I needed another type of man to make all my dreams come true. God blessed the broken road that led me straight to him. I do not regret loving a man that was not the best for me, but i do regret that it took me until i was 40 to find the man that I always should have been with.

[AnnieBrooke]

I guess either you decide he is so amazing and you so like this great relationship where you can totally be yourself, that if part of the package is that he wants to live at home and be taken care of by his mom, oh well, that fuels his amazingness and allows you to be yourself in the relaitonship, etc.  In other words, like the situation all the way, for what it gives you as it is.  Don't pressure him to leave home and mom if he wants to stay.

Or you can realize that if you do persuade him to leave his mother he will indeed expect you to do all those "mother" things for him (if he ever makes the break).  And if you don't do them, he will moan that you're not like he thought, and so forth.  Good luck with that one.

Don't know about you, but I didn't marry my husband to be his mother.  

[specialmom]

Hi. Welcome.  Well, I'm not sure.  I will first say that I think every woman needs time to live on their own before with their man.  We have to be totally independent where we need NO ONE at some point in our early life to be as strong as we can be for the rest of it.  The women that I know who are my age that skipped that, immediately married are very lost without their husbands.  We want to be interdependent meaning we count on each other but not dependent where we have to have someone.  Make sense?  

So, this is really you time.  He's older.  Technically, I'd not be really interested in a man who was still living like a child.  And know that all the things mom does, he'll want you to do if he ever does live with you.  It's not like he'll all of a sudden be a grown man---  he's been taught this is what women do.  

You are still young.  Personally, I'd want more of a true partner.  I'm sorry.  I know this is hard.

Let me know what you think of what I'm saying here.