Should I leave

[chuckie205]

I've been married for more than 10 years and had a great marriage in the beggining but for the past few years my wife and have been on different pages.  We decided to separate and move forward with a devorce but I feel guilty about leaving her because she have a spending problem and I feel if I'm not there she will end up loosing our house to foreclosure.  I've left four time only to come back when she get behind in the bills and mortagage.  We recently talked and realized that we don't have anything in common other our son.  I love her and she's a wonderful person but she's not tryong to change and we have grown apart and I would be happier with someone else but I feel guilty about leaving her knowing that she will end up in a financial hardship.  should I stay with her because of her spending problem?  She makes more than enough money to take care of herself and our son and yes I'm still paying her support even though we are now living under the same roof.  How can I get beyond the guilt and be happy in the future?

[jo929]

maybe you could get her to a counsler, or get her interested in other things, maybe take her and let her see how the other side has to live that are in poverty, sounds like she needs to donate some time in helping others, and then maybe she will see the light so to speak, also the grass isnt really greener on the other side, sounds like maybe you really love her stick around awhile  lots luck  jo

[nuredshuz]

staying married isnt about being on the same page... its a committment... sometimes we need to look past our own selfishness of how "happier" we MIGHT be with someone else and stick to the committment we made to be married for better or worse and until death do us part??? you dont mention any real problems that would warrant a divorce in my opinion...and like i said its only my opinion... marriage should be more serious than what page were on...  how about trying to get on the same page or at least accepting one anothers page??? best to you both...

[chuckie205]

Thanks for you advice and I've heard that from other people, but I do love her and overall she's a good person with a big heart.  I don't want my son to suffer to the lost of his home.  I experienced that as a child myself and it was devastating.  I will take with you said under consideration, Thanks again.

[mami1323]

Here's the thing, if you stay with her because of her issues or out of obligation, you will both inevitably be unhappy.  You will become resentful and irritated and she will become more dependent and will expect you to always take care of her.  She has to help herself and if it means hitting rock bottom then that's where it has to take her.  You can love her and stay on amicable terms with her because of your child but you have to let her make her own mistakes in life.  Just make sure that you don't let your child suffer.  If she loses the house, then you need to take over custody, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself.  I'm sorry if that is harsh but you don't need to be an enabler here.  I'm so sorry you are going through such a conflicting time and I understand the need to help someone.  I think we have all been there at some point, but sometimes it's ok to be selfish.