Should I take her back?

[extrmeski]

This could be a really long story but I'll try and be brief as possible.  My G/f and I were together for 2 1/2 years.  It was a strange relationship to say the least as for some reason she would run away from me then come back.  It wasn't as if she ran away to someone else, it just seemed that she would go through these cycles.  Anyway I loved her so much I would do anything for her.  When she is her "normal self" she is wonderful, but seems that she goes through these personality changes I can't explain it.  Her childhood was horrible and it maybe left over from that.  Her self preservation feelings are very high, and it makes her do funny things.  
Anyway we haven't been together since Nov.  In Jan. she wanted to give things another shot but I was in Arizona and she was in Ohio.  We tried the long distance thing and I did what I could to help her and support her.  In April she tells me that she is pregnant and she was cheating on me with some idiot of a guy, way younger than her (which is funny as she always like older guys).  I was totally devistated as I adored this woman.  A few days go by and she tells me that she knows she made a mistake and she wants to be with me.  So I start the process all over again of talking things through and being there for her.  Then in June of this year, her calls were less and less.  I find out she moved in with some other guy.  Again I was almost suicidal!  I was hurting so much.  Now she tells me that she is done with him, moving out, and had learned her lesson.  She is telling me that these experiences have changed her and she knows that she will never find anyone as good as me.
I should be elated to have her back again but I am having mixed emotions.  I mean I've been praying so hard for her to come back but how do I trust her?  Am I just a fool?

[Michele, Katy, TX]

Good for you w/ the CPS thing.  That baby deserves a chance in this life.  Life is hard enough without starting it addicted to drugs (as this baby will) and having a mother who is addicted to drugs.

Good for you also in finally seeing this girl for who she is.  I wish you the best of luck with life and love in the future.

[extrmeski]

I've looked at all your advice, gone back through all the texts and my memories and I was just an idoit all along.  She isn't capable of love at all.  What she is doing is looking for a lifestyle and someone that will provide it for her.  All I was, was a tool to provide that for her, and when we were apart, she was using me to send her money the whole while she was seeing other people and doing what she wanted.  Everything she said was a lie, and she is repeating this cycle over and over again.  the sad thing is she is dragging her poor son through her cycles and now she is having another child?  If the child comes out healthy it will be a miracle with all the drugs she is using.  Once I get her address I will be calling CPS.

[extrmeski]

Thanks again for your support and help.  I'd call child protection services but I have no idea where she is living now.  I mean I have an idea but no address.  

[Jaybay]

You got that right Agiesmom.  CPS might be very interested.  They also keep reports entirely confidential.  In my area, reports can be made over the internet.

extrmeski - Count your lucky stars and thank God you escaped this woman with the rest of your life.  Nothing but ruin will follow wherever she goes.  That is, unless she somehow wakes up and does a whole lot of work on herself, but I don't see that happening. Stay strong!

[Agiesmom]

I'd make one more call--to Child Protective Services where she lives and let them know that she's abusing all those drugs while pregnant.  Hopefully, they'll take action to help that innocent life so deserving of better.

[extrmeski]

Thanks again for all teh advice I really do appreciate it, and I know that I deserve someone that knows how to love.  She doesn't, but now it's funny as all the **** she used to throw at me doesn't work anylonger.  The other thing is that she was so high on what ever she was taking she won't even remember talking to me.  Sad that she is still abusing drugs while being pregnant, oh well nothing I can do, and I am sure that she has added coke to the variety of drugs that she is using..  Coke, percocets, xanex, vicodin, soma and God knows what else.

[Agiesmom]

Ok...you know what she is and you continue to go back for more.  If you have any sense whatsoever, you'll change your phone number and make it unlisted and never call her again.  And you need to be more particular about your choices in women in the future.  Like someone else said, work on yourself and maybe when you are healthier (physically and mentally), you'll make better choices in partners.

All the best to you.

[jo929]

Boy did you get a lot of good advice, and you still asked why she is doing trhis to you, and you say you still care, she will keep calling but as i said in my previous post, if you take her back you also need to see a counsler, she is a very manipulive person, and will never change, but i hope you  have took the cotton out of your ears and are listening to them because it is the best advice you will ever get   luck  jo

[Glo_worm]

i gotta say it's a damned shame you are getting "immuned" to being treated like ****. someone with a big loving heart SHOULD have someone to love them back. with everything they have as well. and like everybody else is saying you are her toy. she plays with you when shes bored or wants a laugh and then drops you when she sees something "better" but she won't throw you out becuz she knows you always be there. please don't waste anymore of your time. we deserve better.  and with time and God's help i'm sure well find what He really has for us. we'll be ok :)

[extrmeski]

Thanks for your comments, the good news is that I am really getting immune to this stuff, and my reactions are not as strong as they used to be.  I'm getting better and can start to see her for what she really is.  A user, manipulator, a very non caring person.  She is the only person she cares about.
She sounded totally stoned out of her mind most likely xanex.

[mami1323]

This is what she does....she's lost her control over you and she's freaking out.  It's not love, it's abuse the way she treats you and it's total and undeniable manipulation.  Don't give in and I think you should change your number so that she can not contact you any more.  You need to be strong here.  She's using her son as bait.  I feel for her child but right now you need to focus on your feelings.  

[extrmeski]

grrr why can't she leave me alone now?  She is calling me with her sob stories, her son is sick, she is sick, she is trapped in this relationship and is just settling as she doesn't have any options etc...  OMG

[extrmeski]

You are right.  I know but for some reason it's hard to get her off my mind!  I just wish she could be held accountable for her actions, she always seems to duck underneath all that she has done!

[toxictome]

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results!!!

Nothing changes, if nothing changes!

IMO....I would say it's time to move on, concentrate on you and your sobriety...get healthy......and good things will start to happen. This is a TOXIC relationship for you!!!

Good Luck!!

[extrmeski]

WOW!!  Do you know her??  You hit the nail right one the head so to speak.  She is very selfish and self-centered and she is the worse mother I have ever seen.  She has no capicity to love anyone but herself.  This guy she is with now has no idea what he is getting into!  I pity him, she will use him until there is nothing left and move on again, that is what she does.  She is worse than a pack of locusts!!

[extrmeski]

I would just love some insight to this, why the heck would she even do this to me?  The whole thing defies logic!

[extrmeski]

Thanks, I have too big of a heart, and she doesnt have one at all.  I get taken advantage of because of it.

[mami1323]

I'm sorry to hear this...I think we saw what you couldn't see.  We are outsiders looking in, you are using your heart to make your decisions.  She seems to go to you every time she's having problems with this guy.  Maybe now you can see more clearly and you will not give her another shot the next time she comes running to you.  I hope you can move past her, she isn't deserving of you.  Good luck.

[extrmeski]

Grat advice and I am glad that I didn't put my heart in it again.  After confessing her undying love for me telling me that there will never be anyone in this world for her, this was like two days ago!! Now she tells me she is engaged to the guy she is living with.  What the freak??  Why did she try and put me through all this?

[extrmeski]

Thanks for all your advice, I decided to listen to her but keep it all at arms length.  It's not like she is here with me, I am in AZ and she is in OH so that itself makes it both hard and easy.  I'm not supporting her anylonger, and we'll see if she is serious.  Her actions will dictate where this goes and what will happen.

[BearHitch]

I agree with treazzure.... she is just using you.  You may think you'll never love anyone as much or move on, but in time you will.  She just keeps stringing you along because she knows you'll take her back until she can find someone else.  You deserve better than this - and once you find it you'll wonder why you ever wasted your precious time!

Good luck!

[jo929]

This woman has a lot of problems, and she has to be the one to want, and get help for herself, and she can if she really wants it there is help out there it is free, and all she has to do is ask, but from your post, she will just keep doing this, and if you take her back, and there will be more children, and she takes off again where will you be, back in the same ole slump, I do think that you really need to just tell her , to try and get well, and move on with your life, think what you will have to put up with all of the rest of your life, you are a grown man, and you really know what you should do, there is a woman out there just for you, so let this one go , also You may have a problem yourself if you have put up with this, and want to try again, you both need some help  luck  jo

[mami1323]

I agree with treazzure...I think you are so infatuated and in love with her that you can't see the bigger picture here.  She left you, got pregnant, moved in with some other guy and now feels she made a mistake.  What probably happened is that the relationship with this other guy isn't going well so she's going back to what feels comfortable and that's you.  She is playing you like a ping pong ball.  I would bet you a million bucks that she will only be staying with you for a short while until she finds another excuse to leave.  She has personality issues due to her child hood.  She could be manic or bi-polar, whatever it is, she's on drugs, which you have helped to enable her while she's using.  I think that she is using you to make herself feel better.  You are her punching bag it seems.  I don't think she's the right one for you.  I suggest if you want to keep her as a friend and support her emotionally then that's fine but if you still have feelings for her then that wouldn't work.  First focus on your feelings and get your sh!t together, then decide if you still want to be there for her.

[treazzure007]

i think that i must tell you that when a woman treats a guy this way it usually means that she's not into him.  she knows you're the "nice guy" and that's it.  she doesn't look at you or want you the way you do her.  

she will probably never tell you this, but being a woman myself that was always friendly and had many "nice guy" friends that i hung out with, went everywhere fun with, called to vent to, asked relationship advice, and refused to date and kept them in the "friend" box, i think that's exactly what's going on here.  

she gets pregnant by some guy, moves in with some guy, has probably been more guys than that.  next, you'll hear of her wedding to some guy.  come on.  not to sound harsh at all b/c i'm sure you just hadn't made the connection, she isn't wanting you for romantic reasons at all

if you decide you want to continue to support her with financial help or counseling support, being a constant friend or anything of that nature, go ahead.  but, if you are hanging on for someone to become enthralled with you in a romantic way, she's not it