Should+I+or+shouldn't+I%3F

[lovemykids465]

So,+it+ia+approaching+the+second+year+anniversary+(not+celebrated+lol)+of+when+I+found+out+my+husband+was+having+an+emotional+affair+w%2F+a+co-worker.+Things+are+pretty+much+going+great+w%2Fjoe+and+I.+In+a+way+it+was+an+eye+opener+for+both+of+us.+Any+way+my+peoblem+is+the+co+worker.+She+is+now+his+supervisor,+which+drives+me+nuts+but+when+can+I+do+about+it.+My+problem+is+I+have+hated+her.+I+know+she+is+not+my+issue+but+I+am+constantly+thinking+about+what+she+did.+I+so+need+to+let+it+go.+I+mean+it+has+been+over+for+two+years.+She+has+moved+on.+She+knows+how+I+feel.+I+have+made+it+clear+to+her+and+she+avoids+me+whenever+possible,+but+not+him.+She+is+trying+to+be+all+nice+again+at+work.+I+was+thinking+about+messaging+her+and+letting+her+know+how+that+I+have+decided+to+burry+the+hachett.+Will+this+help+me+let+it+go%3F

[mami1323]

I agree with the ladies above.  I would not confront her.  Believe me, I've been there and it's very easy to hate the other woman because you aren't emotionally connected to her.  Easier to hate her then him.  But contacting her only shows her that she's important.  Why give her that much power?  Obviously she's the type to go for unavailable men, it may make him an even bigger challenge and make her want him more.  I have wanted on many occasions to contact the other woman but then I remember that she's not an issue any longer.  Although, it's harder since she's still around Joe, you have to give your husband the benefit of the doubt and know that he will not risk losing his family over her.

[Kayannaboo]

It is completely normal to not like this girl I am damn sure I wouldnt either, she knew what she was doing they both were. However, you and your husband have moved on from this and you do not want to stir up any more trouble and messaging her may make him angry at u because he's thinking that you two need to start over and go ahead and instead your'e looking back. Also I agree with the other girls messaging her will make her overrate herself and think that you are jealous of her, she needs to know that she is of the past, she is small and of no importance to you and "a dignified silence" will make this loud and clear.

[lovemykids465]

Thanks guys. I was on my cell phone when I posted thus all the signs. Why? I have no clue. Strange! Ashelen, he can not transfer out due to a hiring  freeze by the government.There is a position for him 2 min from our house ( he could walk) but no one is going anywhere right now. I wish it would happen soon. Annie and Tink, you are right on. I forgave him and he still tells me I have nothing to worry about, he can't believe he almost fell for it, and I see where he is coming from, we were really going through a tough time in our relationship then, but I never suspected so I guess now I am always on edge about it. IT does not help that all his coworkers are always talking about her ( not in a good way) to me, how she is a **** and dresses like a hoe and so on! I think Oh great! They are not aware of the situation between the two of them.

But you are right it just gives her more power knowing she gets under my skin. He is so scared of me freaking out that he tells me everything she says and does ( guess afraid someone from office will tell me and I will get mad at him for hiding it) to him and in turn it makes me more angry with her.

She is always being extra nice to him. Offering him help when needed but not the others. ( his job load is the heaviest and the other supervisor also gives him help but also helps out others when needed.) Then she expects him to be social with her b/c she sent him help. He said he told her " Thanks for help, but stay away, I do not want any more trouble." That made me mad b/c I felt like he was saying " My wife is gonna freak if she knows I am talking to you." which, is true lol, He said he has no desire to even talk w/ her so I say , tell her that but he is to nice. Oh well. Sad thing is he is over it, she is over it for the most part and I am the one stuck! But  I also think it is the time of year that bothers me b /c this is when it happened.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I agree with AnnieBrooke re: "dignified silence is best approach" AND it would "indicate that she is insignificant to you"

You were able to forgive Joe and He was more obligated to You than She ever was.  You've "transferred" Your hate, anger, etc., etc., to her because You cannot direct that at Joe and continue Your life/marriage/relationship.  It's easy/easier to hate/blame her.  This is completely reasonable - I do not mean  this to sound like criticizm - I think it's truley the norm to do this.  Hate/anger/blame are healthy emotions when we have been wronged (my personal opinion is that it is UNhealthy to "stuff" emotions that we have every right to feel when we've been hurt).  I think it's totally okay to resent her and her presence but to continue to do it from a distance is best.  Another personal thought is that we should "allow" our feelings (good and/or bad) because "feeling is healing"

You have many trials and my heart is heavy for You, You are a Good Person and I wish for You easier times ahead.

[AnnieBrooke]

I wouldn't message her if all of those little plus signs appear on the message, it will make you look emotionally distraught.  Frankly, it really sounds like a dignified silence is the best approach.  Messaging her only makes you seem like you are still thinking about her as a serious threat, when you want to indicate that she is insignificant to you.

[Ashelen]

Hmmm gosh I don't know...it sounds like something I would do for sure. But...will it help? hard to say...

Has he ever been presented with the opportunity to work the same job at another company...? Could he find a way to be presented with such an opportunity? lol

But seriously...I probably would message her, but I don't know if that makes it a good idea or not!