I guess I am in a situation where I am stuck and I don't know what to my boyfriend told me at the beginning of our relationship that he had only had sex once with a neighbor I am older than him so of course I am a little more experiences so we normally talk about it and just try to enjoy the conversation where I would tell him what is good to do and what is not. But to get to the point today he told he had something to tell me but that he couldn't tell me because he was afraid of judgement and then he broke down and told me that him and he sister had sex and that she and him lost their virginity to each other I didn't know how to respond I try to calm him down and then he ask me if I had any doubts I ask how did it happen? and when did it start if it was only one time or more... well he told me it started from 5- 7 years(sister age was 3-5) old because they were along a lot they just used to touch each other and kiss then it stop until he was 12 then she was 10 everything started getting more sexual at this age and with the years they had sexual intercourse one time it was to hurtful for her and he didn't want to push it but they had oral sex. I also ask him if he was sure that she gave her consent to do that with her I am worry about her a lot because she always have seen to be jealous of me and I never understood why until now the other things is that I am worry that they both might have psychological problems. another thing is they haven't had anything to do with each other for 2 years now. now I am confused of what to say or what to do I mean I love him but I know I need to help him somehow (he doesnt want to go to a psychologist). Can someone please help me help him?
He has a severely dysfunctional relationship with his sister, and I'm sorry but unless you are experienced to help him, i doubt there is anything you can do to help him, he needs to talk to an experiences professional as this is a sign of a psychological problem. Were either of them sexually abused before starting this kind of relationship? I think it's very disturbing that he had a physical relationship with his sister, and even more disturbing that it lasted for years.
They both should seek counseling, and the best thing you can do to help him is to try and convince him to seek help with a psychologist or psychiatrist.
I have read this post 4 or 5 times, and thought about it, it disturbs me i do not feel qualified to tell anyone what they should do about this, but i do know that you are not qualified to give him advice, do you think this was just sex with brother and sister, or would you call it sexual abuse? about all you can do is suggest that he talk with a Psychologist, also how do you know what the sister feels maybe she has scars maybe he has scars, i do not know, but at 12 he knew what he was doing, it would seem that she would know but if brother has been petting her since 3 to 5 then she may have thought it was ok, but how does she feel now, and just how does he feel no one can possiby know but these 2 people i really think that the answer you give is important and the only one i could suggest is have him talk witha qualified person, as this may come up later in life, as it has come up now, also you say you are older and he is not experienced, are you sure that you want to continue his sexual education luck to all i do hope they find the help they need jo
I reread your post, and i think that just reading between the lines there is a lot not being said, there are to many holes in his story, and the things do not add up right, if we beleive his story he started toching kissing from age 5 to 7 she 3 to 5 then it stopped for 5 years, it really does not make sense, either this family was mentally retarded, or their eyes were closed, also at 10 and 12 you have heard about sex and at that age he knew it was wron,g, but did he care, that is not for us to say we do not know, but what he has told you but did she know or care or was she convinced brother loved her and wanted her to do this if she did not know she did no wrong, but i am just not happy with this and i think they both may need help, no i would leave this for the ones that can really help and stay out of it completely, you cant help him.. and explaining and trying as you say help him with the sex bit is a no no, it may hurt him let him get help and let him grow up also you do not give his age, but if i were an experienced woman as you say you are and a young man had only had sex one time i would not be the one to teach him sorry if i have offended you , this is just my opinion jo
Sister and Brother are gonna have, if they do not already have, major emotional issues down the road. Could even lead to suicidal tendancies. These things are taboo for a reason, and it is not just because society does not accept it. Send him to a shrink . He has got a heck of a rollercoaster ride in front of him and Im not sure I would want to be around to watch.
No there was no type of sexual abused before that I am aware of. All I know is that everything started because they were left alone a lot as kids. Their parents would take trips and leave them with a nanny for weeks who obviously didn't watch them good either. I am trying persuade him to go to psychologist or psychiatrist it might take me a while to convince him but I know he will listen eventually the only thing that worries me is his sister because I really can't speak with her she doesn't like me so is hard for me connect with her I have try many time but she just says is not my place. Thank you for you help I appreciate it.
Incest and he probably comes from a dysfunctional family and to be honest with you, it made me sick to my stomach. Your b/f needs professional help and you should re-evaluate your relationship with him until he get's the help that he needs. He is not good for you or anyone else right now until he gets help. Good luck. Judy
they both need professional psychological help. they apparently come from an extremely dysfunctional family and NEED to get help before (if they haven't already) they get serious emotional and mental issues.
There is a lot I don't understand but today we talked some more about the ages and the feelings around it and he explain more the ages sorry I did get them wrong she was 5 and he was 7 when things did get started at two years later when his parents stop working as much as before they noticed something was not right and they stopped it and they explained but they didn't know that it was happening for that long but then it started again when she was 10 and he was 12 as explained by him it wasn't much of a feeling or passion or love it was curiosity and experimenting (which doesn't justify what they did) I did ask about how his sister took this back then and if she was okay with everything from my understanding it was mutual he wanted and she wanted too I told him that sometimes give mix signals about this stuff and maybe he read her wrong or something and he told me that they first started making out and then when things escalated he left to his room after a couple of minutes she came in and started making out again his ask her directly if she was sure and her answer was yes so things when to an extreme hopefully that would fill in some lines now for your rest of your questions and doubts he is 18 and I just turn 20 I am around 1 1/2 older than he is we are from the same culture but unfortunately his parents were a lot more strict then my parents when they came into this country they did not let him go out not even to movies or even play outside with his friends and things of that nature so he really didn't get to experience life the way a kid or teenager should have it was school and home everyday that is why he doesn't have much experience on girlfriends etc. but my parent were different and let me had a regular life as a kid and teenager I believed you understood the word experienced differently no it doesn't mean I am 30 and that I had sex with 6-10 different partners (I only had 2 guys in my life) What I mean by the word experienced is that I am more knowledgeable in that subject then he is or was at the time.....anyways your other comment was about me being his sex teacher or something like that to clear that out is really not like that we would have conversation where he would ask me of things and I would answer but keeping in my head that he had done it before and if I knew before what had happen I have probably have just not spoken about sex because maybe it is true that it is hard for him and it was probably not helping him(and no we haven't have any sex we have gone out for about 8 months and we are just trying to get to know each other and I guess he felt enough trust to tell me this). As for his sister I am truly concern about her because we don't really know what goes on in her mind and even if I was abused when I was a child I can't compared to her feelings she is a good kid at school and at home the only thing was that was she leading this older men into her life was 3x her age but lucky her parents found out and talked to her about it and that is over but I wonder if that could be a result of what happened years ago. It is going to be difficult to convince her to talk to a professional about it because she doesn't talk to me that much she doesn't like me no matter how much I try to it just doesn't work I will try to talk to her but if nothing happens her brother would be forced to tell her parents so that they can take care of the situation and get her some help(her brother and I talked about it and we agreed on this) I don't think telling them by myself would be my place since I am an outsider and I don't think it would be easy to do such a thing. As for HIM I am trying very hard to convince him to seek professional help but one day he will listen I am sure of it.
Just incase you are wondering why haven't I told their parents yet, is because their parents are very closed minded and even if I told them by myself they wouldn't understand and will probably be denial about it and not do anything about it or they might just send them to our homeland as a punishment which is not resolving anything so I have to be very careful with them . As for me and him our relationship has been put on hold until they both get help and then maybe we could try to amend things as for now I am just a friend and I think that is best. (one more thing I did a typo when I wrote it has been 2 years since everything had stopped it really been 6 years)
also, I think this is more than you can handle and shouldn't be in this type of mess. If he doesn't want to seek professional help, I recommend that you leave him, because if you marry this guy, who knows what can happen with your future family.
I agree with Peggy, either there was some kind of abuse or the children saw something between parents, tv or some other couple and acted out on it. I would advice the whole family to seek some kind of treatment.
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