Aa
relationship over
My boyfriend and I broke up recently (my decision). I would like to remain friends, but he says that would be hard to do. I care about him, I just don't want to be romantically involved. We've had a rocky relationship since the beginning and I just had enough of the fighting. Should I never talk to him again?
Heana, he probably needed to show you how much he cared. For some reason when we're rejected by somebody, I think we still need to show the strength of our affection - to prove that we are good people not worthy of rejection. I imagine him coming to face you is like facing how unworthy\rejected he feels inside. It's a huge blow to anyone's self-esteem, which he needs to start re-building without you. The more respect you show him at this time, the better he will recover (I hope). It sounds like you handled it well.
Jayzus, that's rough. I'm sorry about that. For you and for him. He obviously took the break-up really hard. Being friends with him right now is the worst thing you could do for him. He needs to move past it and heal from it. : (
I don't think many men can "fake" crying. JezebelChrist, it's hard enough for most of them to cry spontaneously as it is. I'm so sorry for him, and for you. Sounds like it was tough for the both of you in different ways.
I don't think many men can "fake" crying. JezebelChrist, it's hard enough for most of them to cry spontaneously as it is. I'm so sorry for him, and for you. Sounds like it was tough for the both of you in different ways.
He came by to get his things today...said he wanted to try to be friends. Then after he left, he came back two minutes later knocking on the door.. I opened it and it was the first time I ever saw him cry. I didn't know what to think. Part of me wondered if he wanted me to feel bad and take him back. I didn't and he left. I feel horrible....I am the one who is usually crying, not him. I wonder if it was real.
Pack them to be respectful and make the trip as least painful as possible. If you're not there, he might feel like you were too afraid to face him. It's going to be painful either way. But if you want to let him down as gently as possible, show him as much respect as possible. Give him his things, don't say too much, and let him go.
Years ago, I was in a relationship in which the guy broke up with me in a really shitty way. Looking back, it was likely that he simply wanted out of the relationship and didn't know how to talk about it. He was doing stuff like fooling around behind my back and making sure I knew about it; just immature hurtful stuff.
I had cut off all contact with him for a while after the breakup, but he finally reached me and said he wanted his things back that he had left at my apartment. When he came to pick up his stuff, I think he was afraid I was going to be a biatch about everything because the way he handled the last months of our relationship was incredibly hurtful towards me.
Instead of just throwing his stuff at him or tossing it out and telling him to go f*ck himself, I washed what clothes he had left at my place, folded and packed them carefully with dryer sheets between them, and gave them to him in some plastic bins I had sitting around. He arrived around dinnertime, and I even fixed him a plate of food to take with him.
A few weeks later, a friend of his told me the guy was regretting ever breaking up with me and he said he likely wouldn't find anybody as cool as I was.
So I got my revenge by maintaining my dignity. Works every time.
Like the others said, just be respectful of him and don't linger, especially because meeting up after the break-up can often give someone the hope that there could be a reconciliation.
I had cut off all contact with him for a while after the breakup, but he finally reached me and said he wanted his things back that he had left at my apartment. When he came to pick up his stuff, I think he was afraid I was going to be a biatch about everything because the way he handled the last months of our relationship was incredibly hurtful towards me.
Instead of just throwing his stuff at him or tossing it out and telling him to go f*ck himself, I washed what clothes he had left at my place, folded and packed them carefully with dryer sheets between them, and gave them to him in some plastic bins I had sitting around. He arrived around dinnertime, and I even fixed him a plate of food to take with him.
A few weeks later, a friend of his told me the guy was regretting ever breaking up with me and he said he likely wouldn't find anybody as cool as I was.
So I got my revenge by maintaining my dignity. Works every time.
Like the others said, just be respectful of him and don't linger, especially because meeting up after the break-up can often give someone the hope that there could be a reconciliation.
Break-ups happen. We reject people, they reject us. It all comes out in the wash. It goes both ways. The karmic payback is that you'll be thrown overboard by somebody else in the future, so don't worry too much about your decision. Presumably, you did what was right for you at the time. Just go forward now. Good luck with the therapy.
Thanks for the advice...well it's been two days now and we haven't spoken. I passed him today on the road, and it was awkward, but I guess that's the way it has to be for now. He still has some things at my place...should I plan not to be here when he comes for them? Should I have them all packed for him?
Heana, with breakups that aren't mutual it's usually too hard for the person who wanted to stay in the relationship to keep seeing their ex. It's too difficult to see them being happy without you, or worse, to see them move on. Since you broke up with him, you really need to respect his wishes for distance. Friends with exes doesn`t work unless both people have had enough time to get over the relationship. He may be miserable now, but that`s part of the dating experience - it isn`t going to work out all the time. I would say do what you can to show you still respect him and let him be. When he`s ready to be friends again, you`ll both be over it.
For some reason, I always find myself feeling "sorry" for him. I know I meant the world to him and he would have done anything to make it work...but there comes in a time to throw in the towel, right? I just wish it was a mutual decision and I really wish I would stop feeling like I am the bad guy (girl) here. I am seeing a counselor for the first time in my life and he is going to teach me love myself and trust in myself. I think I have a lot of self esteem issues. From the outside it looks like I have it all...but inside, I am really hard on myself for some reason! What a horrible way to live!! =(
Respect his wishes. He has his reasons for not wanting to be in touch with you. Maybe it would be too painful for him. Move on without him. If you have the opportunity to talk to him again, tell him he can contact you in the future if he feels like it. But don't go out of your way to contact him. Just leave him alone otherwise.
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