Step son issues

[jenn_25]

my step son is 13 yr old and doesnt live with his dad and I. He is over one weekend a month. In past he spent more time but due to issues with his behavior not anymore.. my husband and i have two sons together 2 yr and 4 mo. and i have three kids previous 8,5, 3 yr that all live with us. When step son is here out of guilt husband lets him break family rules such as bed time.. he stays up till 5 am if he wants.. eats what he wants, doesnt pick up after himself , leaves his stuff for little kids to get into, and constamtly complains. doesnt shower for 4 days at a time , wheres same clothes. if i tell husband that these issues bother me he says im picking on stepson. granted my kids ae younger but i do know what im talking about and dont think showering, not binge eating., are simple requests. me and hubby fight whole time he is here about him.. im so sick of it.husband wont respect me neither while step son. last week due to summer vacation hub has been wanting step son to come i address my concers hub doesn't care told me so.. i told him to stay at sons house instead ..(hub no work) he says ok.. i go to work at night to come home late and find stepson.. w/o him telling me!  i was furious!! he plays stupid thinking i wont be mad.. yeah right. hub told me he told me..whixh HE DID not! hub goes to bed at 12:30 AM tells stepson go to bed soon.. i wake at 330 am he still awake i tell hub he tells him to go to bed.. i get up at 5 am he still awake hub tells me tell him to o to bed i do.. its 550 am kid is still awake hub asleep and i know somehow this will be my fault for even caring.help!!!!! what would you do ?

[Judy246]

also, bad behavior and step son is to be sent back home immediately. Inform your husband that you will need his support and back you up when the time comes for discipline.

[Judy246]

Communicate with your husband that when his son is over, you will expect proper respect, behavior and family rules to apply in order to keep the family functioning as normal as possible. Both father and son must abide by the same rules as the entire family or other visiting arrangements will have to be discussed. Tell him that you are not being considered or respect by your husband and step accepting poor behavior. Also, your step son has become a poor example of bad behavior to your small children who are at a very impressionable age.

Your step son is to get up a normal hour, eat with the family, must pick up after himself and have him wash his own dishes. Deligate a proper tv time and bed time (10:00 pm should be sufficent for a 13 yr. old). Bad behavior and language will be unexceptable and he is to respect you and most of all listen you. It is your house and you have a say to what goes on, so lay the law, either he respects you and the rules of the house, or your husband is going to have to find a better arrangent that will work for all. Good luck.

p.s. his mother should also be informed that once the kid is going to spend time his other family (not just his dad, this is a family), he is to abide by the family rules.

[jo929]

If your husband will not support you in the rules, tell him not to have the son over anymore because it is a bad influence on the other children, and you are the grownup, tell this boy you have rules to follow, and he will do it or else he can stay home a child does not respect someone that he can run over, but they love the parents to disagre gives them the edge, do not let this happen.make him stay in his room or somthing, but he needs dicipline  luck  jo

[teko]

You have described a lot of the reasons why stepchild age 13 has behavioral problems. Children strive on structure and 13 is not only still a child, but at that age, where he is emotionally and behaviorally a challenge under the best of circumstances. It sounds like daddy is having guilt issues and kid knows it. Kid will also love to be put above you or the reason you two fight as it will make him feel important in dads eyes which is what he needs.

The kid is doing kid things but the adults need to grow up. No. 1 rule.  Never fight over how to handle a child, they will find it an entertaining way of getting attention.
No. 2. Tell kid, you have a schedule to follow while he is at your house. Appropriate bedtime should be part of that.

I3. IMO, dealing with behavioral issues is part of parenting and his father should not restrict his son from visiting because of it, but should let kid no he is a kid and there are consequences for bad behavior and enforce them. A male child of 13 needs their father to be there for them in a parental role, or it is just going to get worse. Much worse.