I think the part where you Facebooked his girlfriend was beyond the limit of decency. What were you trying to accomplish? All else, well, it took two to tango and nobody tied him up with rope and dragged him to have sex with you, he was as culpable as you were. But you sound like you have no idea of how painful it can be when someone who has no respect for relationships crosses the path of a couple and blasts the couple up and doesn't seem to understand that it might hurt them. You did a real disservice to them as a couple and gave yourself some bad karma too. You say the girlfriend didn't get the post you sent, but if you sent it to her Facebook account she probably did, even if she deleted it. I'm sorry for her, suddenly someone writes her out of the blue sounding like a crazy woman, trying to use her to apologize to her boyfriend for walking off without saying anything after having sex with him. What were you really trying to do, get her to understand her boyfriend was cheating on her so you could have him? And what would that get you, a sorry-*** boyfriend who cheats?
You said you went for this particular guy because you needed male companionship. There being, of course, no other males in the world who would be glad to have no-strings-attached sex with you. I think you should talk to a counselor and assess why you choose who you choose, and why you think you need male companionship when you don't seem to be doing very well with it. Even with the hurt you have caused, it seems even more important that what you come out of this episode with is a better understanding of why you are making terrible relationship decisions. You sure don't want to do this over and over again in one form or another the rest of your life.
Hi there, thanks for posting. I'm glad that you have the capacity to care enough about others and yourself to know that hooking up with someone in a relationship is wrong. You're a good person that made a mistake and that's why you're feeling guilt. Though it's uncomfortable to feel guilt , it's a great sign that you do. How to handle guilt? After disappointing yourself by making a poor choice that has harmed you and others, how to move on as easily as possible and feel confident that you have learned a valuable lesson that will stop you from the insanity of repeating harmful mistakes?
From experience, i find the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous a proven course of action for acting with accountability and moving on as easily from hardship as is possible. While there is a Religious or Spiritual element in the steps, those who are not comfortable with the God concept are advised to use it as an acronym, for Good Orderly Direction.
I'll include the steps here. Obviously a person with substance abuse problems would use these steps moreso than yourself, however it might help you to go through the steps that you find relevant. Step 5 talks about sitting down with a therapist. I hope this might help. All the best to you.
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol
—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives
over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve
our conscious contact with God as we understood Him
, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our
affairs.
So, that was not my point at all! We shouldn't be punished for our mistakes but learn from them. It's a little concerning that the need for male company drove you to this situation. I really think you need to seek the help of a counselor to talk through what is going on with you. We all make mistakes but your reactions are so back and forth. call me, don't call me, I'll call your girlfriend, etc. seems like you are struggling. Leave the guy 100 percent alone. And definitely leave his girlfriend alone. And sort out HOW it happened. Not to punish yourself but to do some much needed introspection so you can not make this kind of decision in the future. so you can move on and be headed in a positive path. Definitely do not date for a bit. good luck
Gotta ask you why you are messaging and talking to and getting chummy with a guy who says they are in a long term relationship on a dating app. Doesn't that tell you a lot about the guy? Doesn't that seem like a recipe for disaster? Why did you choose to put yourself in that situation? You have to be responsible for your own decisions and that you made them isn't his fault. He put it out there and you took it.
And that you say I'm going to block your number and then contact him. Threatening him. Trying to contact his girlfriend? All of this sounds like unstable behavior, if I am being honest.
No, don't tell his girlfriend. That's none of your business. And maybe there is a chance he will learn from this as a mistake and never repeat it and they will marry and be happily ever after. Who knows. Who cares. Not your concern. You just take care of you.
and you have to ask yourself why you did this. BTW, this sort of kind of proves why friends with benefits NEVER really works. One side gets emotionally attached and begins to act out.
Try not dating at all for a period of time to clear your head. good luck