Can someone please give me advice

[Camsmommy9995]

Okay, so right before I got pregnant I left my baby daddy to go mess around with other guys. Big mistake. He wouldn't rakr me back because of it. I was so hurt from him leaving me, I called him every name in the book, threatened him, ect. That pushed him away to the point of him wanting NOTHING to do with me. Now, 8 months pregnant we still fight constantly, he hasn't been there for me my entire pregnancy. Today he told me he isn't coming to the baby shower this weekend. I'm so hurt from his family not being there, I told him I am not going to let him see our daughter. Maybe it's just the hormones talking, but I really don't know what's best for her anymore. How do I know he won't treat her the same way he treats me? My dad and I don't have a good relationship so me keeping her from him could have the same outcome. I'm so hurt from everything that's happened..i just want him and his family out of my life forever

[Nighthawk61]

Everybody makes mistakes, it's how one handles the situation after they are aware of their errors that defines them. If you could clam yourself, and consider now that the most important thing is that your child have two parents that love them, is the priority, then you will gain the respect that you need.  Try and be understanding as to why he and his family are no shows at this point. I guess you just need  to acceptance. That you made a grave error and you want forgiveness. from him and his family You don't say how old you are. You sound like you may be young. People forgive people the mistakes they make when they're young. As long as you don't continue to make the same mistake. Ie. Not respect your ex boyfriend. Like not respect his feelings as to why he and his family might be angry right now, too angry to attend your baby shower. He is missing out on that, because of a mistake that you made, not him. His family is losing that memory because of your mistake. Try and be understanding. It would go a long way if you could process this thought, and reach out to them. You could send them a note, and some pictures. You could tell him/them how sorry you are that you made the mistake that you did and that you understand why it might be uncomfortable for them to attend. You can say, you hope that you can one day find their forgiveness and you will try everyday to be the best kind of mother that you can be of your exes child and the grandparent's grand baby. That's what you could do. It would mean a lot to them, even though they wouldn't be able to trust your words, They would have to give it time to see you acting is a way that is wholesome and respectable. People do forgive people their mistakes. It is well within the realm of possibility that they can forgive you your trespasses, if they can see you  I've been throwing this word EQUANIMITY around these days. Check out Wikepedia's page and see how to acquire this virtue through reading.  You need to conduct yourself with calm and assured composure . Think before you speak. Humble yourself by accepting responsibility for your actions of past, and respect yourself and forgive yourself fully now. You don't have to be a martyr, just humble and thoughtful. You will be forgiven if you are a good mother. If you continue to act without thought, you will continue to be thought of as thoughtless.

It sounds like your child would benefit by being involved with their daddy and his family. I surely hope so, as they deserve at this point 50% custody. You could say that you hope that you can put this behind you, so that you can both co-parent to the best of your ability. I would consider opening up a journal page, and start writing a letter to him and his family. Maybe get some help from some of us older experienced women.? You wouldn't be the first lol. God bless you for your honesty. I know it must have been hard to open yourself up as you have. :)

[twinsohlord]

You can't be serious if u all aren't together he really Dont have to be at the shower or be around you if he doesn't want to but he has to be able to be in his child's life you Dont get to say he can't see her That's not right let him decided if he's gonna Be there or not

[Chima7]

It sounds like you learned that your actions have consequences, namely that he doesn't want you anymore. It has nothing to do with the baby so don't punish the baby by not allowing her a relationship with her dad just because you screwed up. If you don't allow him access to his daughter due to mistakes you've made, you're handling it really immaturely and need to grow up cause you've got a child on the way and that child needs a mom who makes mature decisions.

[MomnaBree97]

It sounds kike its just over. YOU broke up with him because YOU wanted to mess around. Then you find out your pregnant and you want him back? Well thats not it works hunny.
Dont go blaming him for anything or tell your child its his fault because truth is its not. If he wants to be a part of babys life when she gets here then thats great and if not then thats his loss and his problem the only thing I can say is even tho you messed up doesnt mean he can be in and out of babys life when he wants so you better tell him that now. But if he doesnt wanna be with you that doesnt mean you can keep him from the baby

[Pereira_Calcada_Wang]

My mom raised me on her own until, when I was 6 years old, she finally met the right person who I'm really proud to call father, because father isn't the one who gives the sperm but the one who is there to look out for you and cares for you. I've had a great life thanks to my mom strenght to keep bad people out of my life and all the love she and my father gave me. But you are the only one that knows what is best for your baby.
Good luck!!

[reyna323]

Just learn from your mistakes and just dont hurt someone like that again. If he doesnt want to be with u then u should respect his decision, stay strong and co parent with him so he could be in your daughters life. I can't imagine not having my boyfriends support through my pregnancy and understand how your feeling hurt but dont stress over it...its not good for ur little baby girl:) stay positive and have fun at your baby shower:)

[Faith_Sarai]

If the child is truly his I believe it's worth you guys coming together for your daughter's sake. When she is first born she won't need anything but your love, milk, and diaper change. It's ok if you guys aren't around eachother as much but by the next couple of years iI think you guys have more than enough time to settle things. Don't stress to bad right now because him not being around isn't gonna be detrimental to get right more but I do believe if you keep him away her relationship could be similar to yours with your father

[My2LoveBugs]

First off , You keeping your daughter away from her father would only be hurting YOU in the end. & for a few minutes can you just simply repeat to yourself what you are saying sweetheart? Because , personally don't think you have on your thinking cap. You don't want this child to be born in this world thinking it's ALL daddies fault because mommy & daddy aren't together or thinking that this childa father doesn't want to be in her life. You have to seriously take a look at all of the ways you could seriously damage this childs way of thinking. Stop basing this off of what yoy want, such as a relationship with the babys father . Some things willnever work. Good Luck!!!

[paris0811]

Is it his child or not? You say you left him before you got pregnant