Too attached?

[zar12]

Hey. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for nearly a year now (1 year in 2 weeks). I met him last year and he didnt have a job at the time and I was at University. I dont live in at uni i still live at home. I  only have to be there 3 days a week and sometimes not even that! As he didnt have a job and I had a lot of free time, we saw each other everyday for as long as we could. We havent spent a night apart for ages! Whenever I think of being apart from him for longer than a day it makes me feel ill and really sad. We saw each other everyday for the whole year. In the days we did do our own things like go out with other people or whatever but always came back to each other at night times. I finished uni for the year at the end of june. We then went on holiday together for the week so we were together 24/7 for a week. Then after that we were together every single day nearly 24/7 because I didnt have to be anywhere and neither did he. Up until now we've been like this.
But 2 weeks ago he found out he'd got a job that he'd been to an interview for but he didnt have to start for 2 weeks. Instead of being happy for him it made me really depressed and scared that I dont get to see him till the evenings. Now he's started his job and I dont see him till 5 everyday and I just find myself everyday just waiting for him to finish work so I can see him. Im crying everyday over missing him this much. Im not eating properly and am always sad until hes back with me. He understands what im like and knows how depressed this is making me feel but hes not doing anything other than saying "you'll be fine". But i wont be, i know it, not until im back at uni or hes back with me everyday. Ive never felt this depressed ever in my life. I know I should try and do things to occupy my time but im really trying and I manage to find something to do for an hour or so and then find myself bored and missing him again and crying! I just feel so lonely because Im not close to my family at all and they like just doing their own thing so I cant do anything with them and also I dont have many friends. I text my one friend to come out with me a few days ago and she still hasnt text back. My boyfriend is my life, hes the only true friend I have. Its the same for him and in a way im jealous that now hes goin to have other people to talk to other than me. It feels like hes havin a good time at work whilst im crying at home. I won't be happy at all until I can be with him again everyday. Its gotten so bad that Ive even asked him to give up his job for me just until im back in uni and have got something to occupy my time but he wont. When he tells me he wont give it up it hurts even more knowing that I have to suffer like this and he wont do anything for me. Its ruining my life! I dont know what to do! I just find myelf waiting everyday for the one thing I live for to come home to me!

[sweetpea03]

Yes, you are too attached. Everyone loves to spend time with their significant other, but to be crying when you aren't with them 24/7 is unhealthy. You need to have a life outside of your boyfriend. Spend time with friends, volunteer, do something to make yourself happy. You're being VERY clingy and many guys find that unattractive, so be careful not to push him away. He's doing the right thing by having a job and being responsible. It's now time for you to grow up too. You have to move forward and grow, too. The saying absence makes the heart grow fonder is good. When you have time apart, then you'll have more to talk about and when you're together you'll cherish it more. good luck

[AHP84]

Yes, you are way too attached. What you've described is basically an obsession. You need to find something you enjoy that involves people interacting, so you can build friendships with other people and not be so fixated on your boyfriend. There are a million and one things you could do to occupy your time that would give you plenty of opportunity to meet other people and become friends: get involved in a sport or a gym, sign up for an art class, or volunteer for a charity, or even consider getting a job yourself before going back to school.
It's completely irrational of you to want or ask your bf to quit his job for you to stay with you every moment of the day. Seriously, you can't expect that kind of interaction between you two for the rest of your lives. You are adults and have responsibilities, and one of the main responsibilities as an adult is holding down a job to provide for yourself and/or your loved ones. If you don't want him to have a job because you want to live in a fantasy world of puppy love with just him and you together every waking moment, then realistically you are asking every other member of society to financially support you with their tax money so you can live like children with no financial responsibilities other than being sure you budget your welfare check. That is selfish and an unfair slap in the face to everyone else who works hard and pays taxes and acts like resposible adults.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but really...wake up and see what you're saying, what you're wanting. You need to realize that seeking therapy is a much more productive way of dealing with your obsessive dependence and separation anxiety issues with your boyfriend than asking him to quit his job to stay with you all day, every day, so you don't have to stay home crying and miserable without him. That is ridiculous.
The dependence and separation issues you have are not healthy at all. You need to seek help if it's as bad for you as you describe. If you don't, you'll continue to be miserable in what are considered very NORMAL situations, and you'll most likely push your boyfriend away after awhile with your clingyness.

[kay2486]

are you on facebook at all? this is a chat room like medhelp but just goes on regular conversation not health topics. it can help u find friends and you could meet up.

you sound a bit lonely with having no family around, as for the relationship i think you are a little obesessed with him, be careful not to get to clingy as this may push himaway.

yes you should be pleased hes found a job and not just dossing around, asking him give up his job is selfish really what would you expect him to live on?

why not try facebook, go swimming, or another hobby
you sound like you're really scared of losing him and if you did you'd be alone again.

[Ashelen]

Yes, too attached. and he IS doing something for you by working; he's bettering himself and supporting himself. I know how you feel because when my husband and I were first dating I couldn't be apart from him either, and when he worked and I went to classes it was SO hard to be away from him, I would occasionally skip classes and he would occasionally call in sick. this is cute, and it's called the puppy love stage. but you've gone beyond that...

I honestly think you need to look for friends outside of this relationship. you are far too fixated on this guy, and it almost sounds like you're going to chase him away with your obsessive clinginess. he NEEDS and DESERVES to work, and begging him to quit just so you can spend every second of the day with him is unhealthy and it raises some red flags of depedency.

You may need to seek therapy if you honestly can't handle the concept of him doing something as normal as working...if you end up staying with him, the rest of your lives will consist of you being apart during the day (and yes, sometimes at night!) because that's just how adults function..and I know you probably realize this but I think you need to hear it again because it honestly sounds like you've come a bit unhinged when it comes to this.

Please try to go make some new friends outside of the relationship, and realize that when he's at work he IS doing something for you. you've got to break this dependency thing you've got going...it's not healthy for you, and it may end up pushing him away because MOST guys can't stand a girl who is right up their behind every second of the day and can't let them have a bit of freedom.

so to answer your question...yes...seriously too attached.

good luck with whatever you choose to do, but I would suggest trying to give yourself some space for both of your sakes. consider therapy...or a hobby. and i'm not kidding you really should look into some sort of hobby or maybe taking a recreational class in your town...it will give you something to take your mind off of it. could YOu get a job as well?

either way, good luck.