Troubled Marraige

[Shanayac]

Sorry for long query, but please help me!
I belong to a very conservative family! I had no freedom at my parents house. Being in a joint family I was expected to do house hold chores, work in kitchen as young as 12. The concept of vacation was going with family, being criticized & compared. After completing my graduation I wanted to pursue higher education, which was rejected by my mother. But i still went ahead. I would study even after being tortured for not to. I got myself an highly reputed degree, and just post that I got married. Getting married was like an escape from all the years of torture, as I got into an arrange marriage with a boy who i knew since my college. A lovely gentleman, who showed love and care. Just few months into courtship I found out he was cheating on me with his ex. I was shattered. his explanation was that he was confused. I forgave him, and decided to give him a fresh chance, (my parents have no idea about this)but it was a very bad courtship where we fought very often. We got married, and we moved with my in-laws where the real torture began. I was not given any freedom, wasn't allowed to go out, wasnt given any money, was expected to just work like a full time maid, they would ridicule me, humiliate me publicly and abuse me, and lie to my parents about my behavior. I was not allowed to work post-marriage, was not allowed to meet friends. My health suffered drastically. My husband would also have major fights with his parents, they would make sure me and my husband dont get along. After my doctors gave up on my health, my husband decided to move out of that house. (After 9 months)Post this episode I begged to my husband to buy a separate house, but as he had suffered a loss in his business he forced me move in with his Uncle (father figure). I was expected to work the same way here, but this time i could not have any expectations as there was no way that we could afford to be thrown out. From doing utensils, to washing clothes, to cleaning the house, i was doing it all. My new MIL would actively participate in daily chores, but my body, mind, soul everything was abused. My husband wouldnt take me out because of financial problems, In 1 1/2 years of our marriage we went on a vacation only twice. I am still a virgin, because i could never forgive my husband for cheating on me, I could never get over the entire episode, i found her nude pictures,mails etc after our marriage. I thought post marriage would be a paradise, but I was living a nightmare. Few months after moving at the uncles house i realized my husband is not available to me even emotionally, so i started throwing myself at him sexually, but he just showed no interest. So i decided to start working. I had to fight really bad with my in laws for this. I started working, but I would wake up at 5 cook, finish all chores, and come back home again cook, and sleep by 11. I was living like a slave, no respect, love, dignity, just work. around this time i met a co-worker who showed immense interest me. i felt alive, i felt new, I felt i existed in his presence, and i got carried away, i ended up having an emotional affair with him. we wernt sexual, just that i would love flirting and talking to him. My husband caught me just within a week of me getting in it. I had o immediately resign I knew i had screwed up. I came to my moms house very next day. He says he wants to be with me and wants to start it all over again. But i am still unhappy.
My questions are:

-Has he forgiven me coz i had forgiven him over cheating?
-Should i go back to same life?
-Am i asking for too much from life?
-I demand respect, freedom, at my in laws, is it wrong?

I have no support and I feel my life is just a waste. I have tried committing suicide, but i really dont wish to die. I feel trapped, and in a middle of a web. i have lost my self-confidence, self-worth. i have not got out of my house since a month. i feel scared to go out. i was a very vivacious and ambitious girl. Had innumerable frineds and was a social bird. my marriage took away everything. I love my husband. but i dont know how do i continue. PLEASE HELP ME!

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I too am very sorry to hear of this situation.  Gosh, sounds hard and miserable.  Although, I also hear a bit of love when you describe your husband and he DID try to defend you and moved you out of his parents home.  However, you ignored red flags during a 'terrible courtship' and cheating before you married him.  We should ACT on red flags and see them as a sign to leave someone when dating.  But that is in the past now.

This sounds culturally different than I am used to so must ask if a divorce is something you can culturally do?

[Nighthawk61]

Can you live by yourself and work and keep your friendships that you've had when you were " a very vivacious and ambitious girl. Had innumerable frineds and was a social bird" You cannot demand qualities from your husband's family that they do not possess., You have to accept that you need to move on and find the type of people you seek to include in your life. You do deserve to feel freedom in your life and create a happy life for yourself , but you may need to find a man that does not automatically include his family in the equation. If this is a cultural thing where you come from, that may be pretty difficult to manage.

You mentioned that you only had two vacations in a year and a half, like that was a terrible hardship, so i'm honestly wondering whether you are embellishing the hardships ? Many people wait for years to go anywhere on a vacation.......

[OnlyBelieveAlways]

My heart deeply hurts for you. I am so sorry for all that you have shared. You are truly valuable. You life here in this world has a purpose. People choose to forgive from their heart not because someone else has forgiven them. Forgiveness is a choice. I don't think anyone can give you an answer if you should go back living that way.It's unconditional love that will help to overcome your challenges. It's not in God's will for you to want to end your life or live like a slave. He wants nothing but peace and happiness for you. He wants nothing for you to have a healthy marriage and  be full of joy. Do you pray? Do you believe in prayer? You are hurting and there's one source that can help you with this pain.

You are so valuable. Don't lose hope, don't give up on yourself of live. God loves you. Receive His love. It's Him who has kept you this far. Read this book, you can get it as a ebook. One-Minute Inspirations for Women.

I pray for your self-confidence, your self-worth to come back. I pray that you will find joy in the right source and I also pray that you will have a safe and healthy place to live.

Also google Romans 5 NIV Peace and Hope

God bless you!

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and really sorry what you going through. When we look to others to fullfill our lives it always ends up the same as you, a living nightmare.
if i were you i would get a legal divorce and stay as far away from your ex and his family as possible. Its a very toxic relationship and for you to lose your life over such a non rewarding relationship would be truely tragic.

I personally think your ex is dangerous and his family is dangerous and might not be a bad idea to give the police a little heads up about this.