Ugh he's driving me nuts

[KaylaMarie25]

So I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. He has a 2 year old son from a previous relationship who I love like he was my own. I love my boyfriend to death but he's driving me absolutely nuts. He does live over an hour away so when I visit him I usually stay for a couple days to a week. He's been extremely clingy lately and by that I mean he calls me about 10 times a day, if I don't answer my cell he'll keep calling or call my house phone. Or if we're on Facebook and I don't answer (I don't sign out since I have my own computer) he'll message me about 5 times, then message me on yahoo, then call me. It's getting really annoying but this situation kinda su*ks. Last year, he was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. He did the chemo, now he's going thru radiation. I'll feel horrible leaving him at this time. And with having a kid involved, not only would the break up hurt us, but it would hurt his son too. (His son is constantly asking for me and talking about me, granted he'll be 3 in October, I don't want to hurt him). Any suggestions?

[Chima7]

If you're saying that he was so-called "clingy" before all of this then it is something that you've known for a long time. I'm wondering why you ever got together in the first place when it's clear you're not compatible for that reason alone much less others that you have brought up here as well.

[Kirstie_MHModerator]

LeeAnn, she had stage 0 breast cancer, so they caught it quickly and eradicated it.  She's doing great, and I did learn a lot about treatment during her ordeal (it took 3 surgeries, unfortunately).

Kayla, I'm glad to hear you're working things out.  If another person's communication frequency needs don't match yours, it can be very difficult.  It may be one of those things that you either have to choose to accept, or move on.  I was once with someone for a couple of years who had more free time than I did, and felt the need to "connect" with me a lot more often than was comfortable or possible for me (during work hours).  It got to the point where it was stressful for me - I felt an overwhelming pressure to be glued to my cell phone.  In the end, it just didn't work out, but I hope he's found someone who fits his needs, as I certainly have.  Breaking it off if it's just not working is hard, but might be the best decision for BOTH of you in the long-term.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I'm sorry You feel like People are "bashing You".

That being said, did You come here only looking for agreement of Your perception of the situation, or did You come asking what Others might think?
We ALL differ in Thought, Opinion, Exprerience, etc.  Ultimately, You get to decide what is right for You no matter what response(s) You get.  Take what is useful to You and don't worry about what is not.  I always find it curious that One might take offence at a (any) response.  We don't know One Another , it is NEVER a Personal Judgement.  We only have Your inititial question, problem, issue (whatever You want to call it) that We comment on.  Nothing Personal!! I Promise it's not!!

It's Your Life and You Get To Live It Your Way, No Matter What I Think.

Sincerely, Regards and
Good Luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

Thanx for sharing this and  I'm SO glad You came to understand that Your Friend was not being "herself".  I'm glad for You and for Her as well.  

You didn't say, but I hope all is well now with Your Friend.  There are more "survivors" today than ever before BUT, still and yet, a cancer diagnosis is often a death sentence and NOT a diagnosis that ANYone EVER wants to hear!!  Just the diagnosis puts One in a "tail spin" and then the treatment is a terrible journey for the sufferer.  As hard as Our role might ever become, it is still yet easier to be "supporter" than to be the One who has the cancer and the One who is going through the treatment.

Again, I hope Your Friend is Well.
Regards,
LeeAnn

[KaylaMarie25]

There's no need to bash me. Seriously. I know there's other "side effects" from radiation. Unfortunately I've had many family members with different types of cancer. It hurts me too y'know. We live over an hour away from each other. Yes I realize that I should accept the fact that he wants to talk to me all the time, but calling me literally every 20 minutes is what's bothering me. He doesn't get that I'm busy sometimes or unable to get to my phone. I do call him every morning to see how radiation went (he gets there at 9am and is home by 11am). I'm not as "heartless" as I sound. But when his own aunt says that he's "always been clingy and up someones as*" then it's not just cause he has cancer. He'll be 29 in August. So he's not "that young."

Anyway, we've decided to take things slower. We talked for a couple hours last night. And he agreed that we rushed into it too fast. We still talk on Facebook whenever we see each other online, he calls me about 5-10 times and we talk for 30minutes-1 hour.

[Kirstie_MHModerator]

The emotional side effects from radiation were something I totally didn't know existed until my best girlfriend had radiation treatment.  She was getting ready to get married, and I was in her wedding, and we never had conflict.  One evening, when she was going through her final few radiation treatments, out of nowhere she accused me of trying to steal her fiance!  I was appalled and crushed all at the same time.  The next day, I wrote her an email deeply apologizing for whatever I had done to give her that impression, and that I would never think of doing something like that.  She responded that I should just ignore her, she knew I didn't do anything, and that the radiation treatments were messing with her head and emotions.  A couple of times after that, she had emotional breakdowns, but it really helped to understand that they weren't really "her".  
Perhaps understanding what he's going through and at least being patient through the treatments will help.  But, if you're not willing or able to do that, it's probably best to break it off.