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How would you feel/react??
My husband and I drink on the weekends with our friends. We never drive drunk; either we have a DD or we stay within walking distance of the house. However, there have been several times when my husband has completely humiliated me. Some recent examples include dancing on a barstool, chasing a band member (and friend) around the bar, turning the light off on me in IHOP bathroom and leaving me there in the dark to find my way out, and pulling my pants down at the neighbor's house in front of them and another couple. When I get upset about it, he always gets pissed off and leaves and acts like I am just overreacting. And it's not just when we're drinking either, although it seems like it's a lot worse then. He doesn't seem to have the social skills to know when something is appropriate or not. He's 35 and I am 32. You would think we would be past this stage in our lives. What would you do?
I'd kick him in the mid section and tell him next time you're out of there. This is ridiculous behavior and IMO semi-abusive.
Jim
Jim
I agree. He's been verbally abusive to me for the past ten years and just this past August decided to "be a better husband/man" when I told him I was considering divorce. He did ok for a while but now it's almost like he's substituting the verbal abuse for public humiliation.
He's immature and disrespectful and it sounds like he has a problem handling his liquor. Some people become quite obnoxious when they are intoxicated, he's a bad drunk basically. You have many more issues than just this in your marriage. It's tim to re-think your relationship. If he's going to change he has to go to therapy and retrain himself on how to behave properly. That's a long and difficult process for some.
I feel like copying this whole post and emailing it to him just to prove that I am not overreacting.
Go for it, it may show him that he has a problem. Or he may get upset because you are sharing your personal business on a public forum. I guess if you don't care if he gets upset than why not show him.
I don't really care if he gets mad or not to be honest. I think you know I'm at the end of my rope with this guy, mami. I would like to get some other ppl's opinions, though.
I think you need to sort these behaviors out as to which are truly a problem. Dancing on a barstool and chasing a friend around the bar are in one category, irritating and drunk but basically harmless, and then turning the lights off on you is immature and jerky (like people who hide around corners to startle other people, that kind of complete jerk) but pulling your pants down in front of neighbors is in a whole different category by itself, in my opinion, and is so far over the line that it indicates he will do anything that pops into his mind and he has zero impulse control. What will he do next? Light your hair on fire or throw you into an icy lake?
People don't do anything when they're drinking that they don't want to do sober, they just control it. He wants to do all these things - including completely humiliating you - and that's a huge problem.
People don't do anything when they're drinking that they don't want to do sober, they just control it. He wants to do all these things - including completely humiliating you - and that's a huge problem.
Oh i would've been extremely mad! Pulling your pants down in public? Oh hell no! That is basically like slapping you in the face, how humiliating and disrespectful! And he's 35? I would expect that out of a teenager not a 35 yo man, time for someone to grow up.
If that's his idea of being a better husband, I would run, fast, because humiliating your spouse is the complete opposite of a better husband! I think maybe you should go to therapy, because he obviously is not trying to be better at all.
If that's his idea of being a better husband, I would run, fast, because humiliating your spouse is the complete opposite of a better husband! I think maybe you should go to therapy, because he obviously is not trying to be better at all.
I have been in therapy for the past 4 months but on my EAP so it's only good for nine visits (I have one more appt left). He was seeing a counselor but lost insurance and stopped going. I put him on my insurance but he keeps putting off going back. I'm not sure if he thinks he's better (he did mention the counselor he was seeing told him he was doing all the right things and just needed to wait it out and let me have my space) or if he thinks we can't afford it right now. To me, if he really wanted to save our marriage he wouldn't care about the money. I'm more upset right now that he's not even trying to talk to me about it. Like he thinks apologizing was enough. He said he was sorry and I said "if you're so sorry then why does it keep happening?" He just said "I don't know" and it hasn't been brought back up again. I have spent the last three days not talking to him unless I have to so I'm sure he knows I am still upset.
The only problem with doing individual counseling is that the therapist only goes by what the person says. So he could be telling him all these things but not hear your side of the story and so they have a one-sided view. I think doing individual sessions is fine but you also have to add couples counseling into that. When my fiance and I were going we would alternate couples with individual so we were working on our own issues at the same time we were working on our issues that we had together.
My counselor told me she thinks we should go to counseling together, too. I just don't know if I even want to fix things at this point. I guess that's something I've gotta figure out on my own.
Wow, thats horrible... He seems to be a bit of an attention seeker!!! Ask him how would he feel if you pulled his pants down in front of friends!!! Im sure he'd see that its not acceptable!!! or better yet do it.... Ok no Im only messing with that one, dont lower urself to that level!!!
I think you should ignore him when hes out, stay clear of him, have the crack with your friends and not bother with his childish antics!!! maybe he likes gettin a reaction out of you?
I think you should ignore him when hes out, stay clear of him, have the crack with your friends and not bother with his childish antics!!! maybe he likes gettin a reaction out of you?
It's extremely childish and out of control behavior and, the kind of actions that one would expect to see in a highly insecure, needy...attention starving person. I suspect that he has deeply rooted emotional issues that are accentuated, but not caused, by the alcohol. Only he can modify and correct his socially challenged behavior.
If I were in your situation, I would continue to go out and socialize... but, leave the clown at home.
If I were in your situation, I would continue to go out and socialize... but, leave the clown at home.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with the others. When does funny cross the line into total disrespect and disregard for your spouse? I think I'd let him know that it won't happen anymore in ultimatum style. His reaction after he does it is almost as bad as doing it. Who wants to humiliate their loved one? It may be too late to save------ but I'd want him to go to counseling with me just so he could hear me say and a counselor back me up that that is ridiculous. Alcohol may play a bigger role than you think too, I'm afraid. I'd maybe try a dry weekend of haning out and see how it goes. Good luck
I would never tolerate that type of behavior from my husband if I were married. His behavior is in very poor taste, down right rude, disrespectful and offensive. That won't happen to me, because if it did, i wouldn't take it and I'd be his worst nightmare :) Judy
yes that is very disrespectfull and rude playing around is one thing but pulling your pants down i mean thats ridiculous. i would def print this out and show him that your not the only one thinking hes rude and acting immature thats the behavior of like a 18 or 21 yr old getting beyond wasted not a grown *** 35 yr old man for sure.
I agree, he's very inmature for his age, but I'm sure people see right thru him also.
He is despicable, your his wife and you deserve respect from him. He need's to STOP drinking if he can't handle the liquor. maybe you can have someone video tape him when he is acting like a fool, and then show him when he is sober. I'm sure this will be very embarrassing, and a eye opener.How do his friends fill about his behavior, if one of his friends tells him what a fool he is when he is drinking, it might have more of a impact then when it comes form you. Good Luck
i am dumb about computers i still have a problem finding my way around them i have journals but they are for all to see did not know they could be private that is fine with me tho jo
I looked and seen all of the posts but have decided not to read them instead i remember your first post as it were yesterday you stated you married your husband because you were pg and that you did not love him but he seemed to be a good provider also that you had cheated and then a later post or the same i am not sure you stated that if you left he would commit suicide, but you were leaning towards leaving and then you posted you put him out and then he was sleeping on divan or couch lets put that beside because i gave a harsh negative response as most others did i will try and ans this without thinking on former posts.
this is not the actions of a normal person, and i personally would not allow it, also maybe he should leave the alcohol alone also is this a good example to put before the children? maybe he has a problem, and then again if he is not sick maybe you both should quit drinking and do something with the children, but i myself would never give him a second chance to do something like this luck jo
this is not the actions of a normal person, and i personally would not allow it, also maybe he should leave the alcohol alone also is this a good example to put before the children? maybe he has a problem, and then again if he is not sick maybe you both should quit drinking and do something with the children, but i myself would never give him a second chance to do something like this luck jo
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