What do I do??

Question

I tend to be a pretty shy girl, but I've recently started going out a lot more and socializing. I had a crush one this guy I work with pretty much since the first day I started. Everyone at my work is a pretty close-knit group of people and we hang out outside of work as well as at work. Anyway, we were out at a party a couple of nights ago and were drinking, no big deal, I wasn't completely trashed. However, my co-worker (the guy i think is cute) was, and we ended up hooking up (kissing) for a long time and grinding on each other..this was completely fine. My other coworkers who were there joked about what we did and I told them what happened. The next day, he and I were text messaging throughout the day just talking and being friendly and what not. We didn't hang out that night, but we did the next day. 
So the second we were alone all he wanted to do was kiss...which i was like alright thats fine with me. For a second though i was like great did he want me to come over just for that...?
Anyway, yea we were kissing again and got really into the moment and ended up having sex. This is very untypical of me, but i just got caught up in the moment..and we did it. 
So afterwards, I was thinking to myself like alright this happened, I wanted it at the moment and I let it happen, I didnt have any self control...and i reallllly didnt wanna make it awkard with this guy. I wanted to be cool, but I just felt like i had nothing to say cause i was kind of like whoa did that really just happen? I think he could tell i was a tad uncomfortable but i tried to play it off like i was cool. 
So here's the thing, I wonder how he feels about it, and i really wanna know especially cause we work together everyday!!! 
Is it ok to ask him about it, or for me to be like, "hey sorry if i was being wierd the other day, that was just a really spontaneous thing and i was just like whoa did that really just happen?"
or i dunno how to approach him about it or even bring it up???
is it just better to play it cool??
I want us to get to know eachother better, but I feel like I might have messed it up by going too fast....now he probably doesn't wanna get to know mee..??
I'm just kinda confused on what to do with this situation, even though I was the one who let it happen......errrrr.

I would love any advice, pleasseee.

veggielover · Answer

definitely. im just going to see what happens now. i think everything is ok now, and the awkwardness as gone as of today :)

we talked at work and things were fine, this was of course after me being really shy and quiet and finally i was like he's standing right next to you, talk toooo him!! and i built up the courage and did! and he was totally cool with me. so from here on im just going to talk to hima nd be friendly at work just as with everyone else. 

maybe if im lucky he will find some interest in me...who knows!

teko · Answer

OK, if it was great for him? He will pursue you, at work or not!  U see, men seem to be driven by there sexual desire.  It it was just ok, he will not, or he thinks maybe it was not great for you, therefore he is in an awkward situation as well. Best I can do, sorry! The cows already outta the barn, so to speak! lol

mami1323 · Answer

How I feel, if a man likes you or wants to pursue something, they will.

veggielover · Answer

ok so it seems what like everyone is saying is that the best thing to do is just leave it alone and wait till the subject pops up later on, and not have to get it out right away..i just feel like i wont be able to act normal at work until he knows how i really am...but ill just try my best to brush it off like nothing happened, i think i can do that.

KATE535 · Answer

Well meeting him and getting chatty over lunch or something, may put a lot of your fears to rest - you may open up to him and find you broach the subject quite naturally, you don't have to talk about what happened straight away, but you could talk about it amongst other topics. You will only ever find out if you get talking to him about meeting up. He will soon gather what 'sort of girl' you are by the way you take an interest in him, the way you act around him, so don't worry about that. There is no harm in showing him you like him, he may be flattered and take the same interest back.
If you are struggling to make the first move, send him an email like ''would you like to meet for a coffee one day next week?'' it might be that easy to get the ball rolling. I have to admit I was sooo shy when talking to my now-partner in work when I first met him. It was because I fancied him so much, I went a bit tongue-tied when we'd talk. I found being chatty by emails much better to keep in touch and boost my confidence, and it played a big part in our getting together.

mami1323 · Answer

What's done is done.  You can tell him that your not that type of girl but in reality you did sleep with him so by you saying that, it's really not going to make a difference.  I would just leave it alone and if the time ever did come when he approaches you and wants to have sex, then say that you normally don't do what you did and you don't want to continue in that way.  If he wants to get to know you and wants a friendship then that's what you would like.

veggielover · Answer

****and adding to my previous statement....im hesitant that it will push him away if i do approach him in this way and let him know my feelings...anyone with experience know what his response might be like?

and i dont know if its right to approach him at our workplace, i mean we have a lot of wide open room cause we work outdoors, so i think it could be ok, but at the same time i dont knowww.....and it might be hard to get him to meet me somewhere besides work just to talk about this.

veggielover · Answer

thank you, i really want to try to rewind things and go back to the start before this all happened. 

my biggest contemplation is whethere or not i should talk to him about it....i reallly want to let him know that im not that type of girl and it just happened because i got caught up in the moment and had no self control......and i want him to know that i really just wanna be friends right now. the thing is i dont know if its worth building up the courage to talk to him cause he might not even care what im feeling, but i feel like i really just need to let him now....

any other opinions on what i should do about this? should i tell him my feelings or not...?



and thank you everyone for all of the previous advice, i really, really appreciate it.

KATE535 · Answer

I have no experience in sleeping with someone I hardly know, and I'm not already in love with and he in love with me, but I did meet my now-partner in work, so have that much in common with you. And I too really fancied him when I used to see him about for a while. I wanted him so much!! But I don't think I would have brave enough to take it to the sex-level as soon as you did. We met up several times, went for walks, went for coffee, kissed, emailed, but that was all for a while. I can understand the temptation you had to have sex with him, it was there with me, but it has to be controlled, some things feel too soon, so it is a shame you couldn't have built something up first seeing as you liked him so much. 
It's like when he's fallen for you, and you for him, sex is the next thing to look forward to in the deeper exploration of each other (in a relationship). If you'd waited, he might have felt you were worth giving the time to - to get to know, to gain feelings for, to eventually make love to. And by then you don't have the doubts about each other or the awkwadness that may be there at the start. A relationship needs to always come before sex to really stand a chance of prospering into something for the future.
ANYWAY, not all is lost IMO, in your case it is still ok to pursue him - I think you should try to go back to where you should've started, to the beginning, and go out together, for dinner maybe, no sex later though!!!, meet a few times, talk, let things develop. If he asks why no sex, tell him you'd like to wait a little while. If he's interested in you genuinely, he will wait for it. 
Me and my partner work in different departnments for the same employer, and it's always worked for us... It might for you too.

veggielover · Answer

im feeling really upset, i dont know why i chose to let it happen. i hope next week ill feel better, its just cause its the first day back to work after it happened. all we said to eachother at work was hi and ahh its really hot......the rest of the time we were talking to different coworkers...i think im gonna talk to him about it tomorrow and just let him know whats up....i dont think it would be a good idea to keep having sex with him...this kindaa *****, im trying to hide my feelings and pretend i dont care about it, but damn i wish it didnt happen :/

hes the only the 2nd guy ive been with......my first was my exboyfriend who i was with for 3 years, but man i feel shittty. heeeeeeeeellllllllllllllppppppp

time will tell, right?
the more time that goes by, the less ill have to worry about it. 

i wish i didnt make it wierd and i was just a carefree girl who didnt look at it as such a big deal.
i messed things up with this cute boyyyyyyyyyyy. :( boo.

mami1323 · Answer

Chalk it up to experience and just know that if you ever want a relationship to turn into something then don't sleep with someone so soon.  And....don't let it be with someone that you work with.  Good luck.

veggielover · Answer

I'm going to try my best to act like nothing happened, i really wanna keep things they were before. Hopefully im freaking out for nothing and it will all be fine. I want him to want to talk to me, so if he is avoiding me at work I totally get the hint that he does not want to go anywhere near me anymore. I definitely messed things up, dangggg.

imanaddict · Answer

Just act like nothing happened. Try not to act weird (or feel weird about it) because your coworkers WILL catch on. I can't tell you how this guy feels, but generally most of them are after one thing only, and he got it. It COULD go forward, but it's probably not a good idea. It's hard not to fall for someone you work with. I mean you're there with them for the most part of the day and you get to know them really well. Regardless though, you have to watch and not step over boundaries. Things could get ugly REAL quick!!!

veggielover · Answer

See, my gut feeling tells me that i want to talk to him and say exactly what you said, "hey what happened, happened and i dont want any awkwardness," 
The thing is though im pretty sure if there is going to be any awkwardness its going to be me that makes it awkward, cause he is a really laid back guy and actually after we had sex, he was like just dont be wierd at work and i wont be wierd either.....hmmm. 
I dont know if its just better not to talk about it and forget about it, cause i feel like he already has......errrrrr this is why i wish i new him a tad better, cause im not quite sure what kind of person he is. he probably doesn't think its a big deal at all, and frankly he probably doesn't want to know what i think about it....you know. 
its just a hard situation and i dont want to tell my friends about it because i just dont want them to know..

mami1323 · Answer

Ok, forget what I said about playing it by ear.  I meant play it by ear to see how he treats you.  But I think the mature thing to do here is say, look what happened happened, I don't want any awkwardness between us and would like to remain friends.  See what he says.  You know that guy that I had a relationship with at my job, well after the hate dissipated and I was able to move on, we wound up still being civil with eachother and were able to be friends.  Haven't talked to him since I left that job but you can move forward from here.  I wouldn't keep kissing him though, keep it strictly platonic unless you want more with him and he wants the same with you.

veggielover · Answer

Thank you everyone for all of the advice, I completely agree with all of you!
So now what im left with is that i cant turn around what i did, and both he and i had to have felt some kind of attracton to each other for this to have happened. We took it way too fast and had no self control as to what happened, we both wanted it simply because we have all these hormones running through our bodies and when the situation was there, neither of us stopped it!
Is it completely ridiculous to think that we can be friends after this? Or i mean, get to know each other a little more than just what we talk about at work....i dont knoww. 
 We both agreed to keep the sex part a secret just between the two of us...the coworkers know that we kissed at the party and thats all. 
Is the best thing just not to bring up what we did and just talk about other stuff? 
Ideally, I want to be able to hang out with this guy as friends and be able to have fun together, not really more sex, but the kissing part is fun....even though thats what led to the sex....im not looking for a relationship at all right now.
I tend to get a little anxious before work because i dont know what to expect, and i dont want to make things awkward. So you know what, I'm going to try my best to play it cool today and pretend like nothing happened? I'll just be friendly, hopefully he'll want to keep it that way...
I think it will be ok.

vmvnpv · Answer

I agree with everyone else.  The cold hard truth is it doesn't seem he was looking to get to know you.  He was looking for an easy lay.  I could be wrong but chances of him wanting a relationship with you are slim to none so I would just try and let it go.

mami1323 · Answer

Don't say anything about it, just play it by ear here.  But speaking from experience on going for a guy you work with, basically you don't sh!t where you eat.  Now your stuck seeing this guy everyday, if it doesn't work out, you are left having to get over it but it takes longer since he is there.  Plus, since all co-workers know it is ackward on more levels than one.  I dated a guy I worked with, didn't think much of it, it was fun and exciting.  All until I found out he had a girlfriend and I was the "other" woman.  That relationship quickly ended after me finding out.  But the problem was, everyone figured out that something was going on between us.  They would always make little cracks here and there about us.  Plus, I had fallen in love with him, or so I thought at the time, and it was very hard to get over him because when I would see him, I longed to be with him.  Plus, when he was being a jerk to me, I couldn't get away from him.  He even invited his girlfriend to our annual christmas party and my date had cancelled on me.  It was very painful to watch.  My point to you is, everyone does things that they regret and need to learn from that experience.  I'm not going to judge you for what you did.  You just need to know for the next time, be careful and to have more self control in the future.

Judy246 · Answer

I have to agree 100% with teko. There is no point in wanting to get to know each other, you both went right to the chase full speed. Also, coworkers witness inappropriate behavior. Poor judgement on both your part. Judy

teko · Answer

You have sex with this guy cause he is cute but you cannot talk to him? I may be old, but that one blows me out of the water. If you come on to a guy, grind, kiss and carry one, what do you think is the reason the guy seeks you out? More kissing, grinding and hopes that he will get some! And he did! Where does it go from here? Well, probably more of the same unless the complication of working in the same place causes one or both of you to be uncomfortable with the situation.  It is not wise to get involved in the workplace, but since you already have, you will just have to live and learn that one. The time to get to know each other is before the grinding, not after. Why you ask? Well, for exactly what your delemma is currently. I wish you the best, keep us posted as to how this turns out.I think I am getting to old to hand out relationship advice, this is very frustrating for me as well, to c so many young people mucking up their lives all in the name of sex. Geesh!