do i really love my girlfriend??

[DarkAngel647]

hi..well i'm 30 years old and i have been with my girlfriend with for almost 10 years and now we are planning to get married soon. when ever i spend time with her or anything i dont feel happy or enjoy but i do love her . at the same time i love to go out wit my friends and hang out . i like to go on vacation wit my friends then my girlfried. even i do not like or enjoy having sex with her.
i really dont know what to do.?? i don not want to hurt her feeling by breaking up and move on my question is do i really love my girlfriend or im i just being with her for what??
i do enjoy talking to her but not fore hours and hours maybe for 10 min or less ...
when i see other girls i get hard on then my girlfriend being naked in front of me??
i love sex but i hardly feel towards her i never cheated on her but this is the problem im going through would someone able to help me or advice me what's wrong with me or is something wrong wit her??
or is it because i do smoke alot 15-20 cig a day

[peaceinknowing]

Sit down with her and have a talk about what it is you're feeling right now. Only you know the answer to your own question as to whether or not you're in love with her. It's hard for any of us to tell you whether this is the case or not.

[fltricia]

It sounds like you have been with her since you were 20 and probably never got to sow your wild oats.  I doubt if you were dating anyone else for that long you would know either.  Can the two of you take a break and see how you feel after you have spent time away from her?

[megochick101]

I agree with all of the above. If you have to ask the question about whether or not you love you gf then the answer is simple you don't. You may love her but may no longer be in love with her if that makes sense. i think you need to sit down and talk to her about this and like imanaddict said, marriage will not magically fix everything so you need to figure this out BEFORE entering into such a commitment.

[imanaddict]

Marriage does NOT fix a broken relationship!!!!! Don't marry her if you have doubts. Save yourself (and her) the money, time and pain of a divorce later down the road. You need to talk with her about all you are feeling and if you both feel this relationship is salvageable, then take it to couples counseling and sort it out. Good luck!

[meg8080]

I sometimes feel the same way about the relationship ive been in fer the past 4 years...i love my boyfriend but alot has happened in our lives either befor we got together or after..take a look at your lives and make sure there is not something hanging over your heads that may be interfearing with the relationship. I know what my deamon is hanging over us there is more than one and im going to stay strong and try to get through this rough spot...and make sure you guys are talking out any problems you may be having! Communaction is key! Dont do anything unless you know its what you want! The best of luck!! Hope all works out for the best!!!

[Judy246]

sorry..me and my typo's..."tell her that you need time to re-evaluate what directions you want the relationship and that at this point in time you need your space. She will get the message.

[Judy246]

Your thoughts are all over the place and I dont think it's your girlfriend. It's you!

I always say that if you are not married after 10 yrs., I doubt that you will and you love her, but you not "in" love with her any longer.

Word of advise, tell you that you have re-evaluated your feelings in relationship and that you need space right now. It doesn't mean that there isn't a chance of reconciliation, but if no longer enjoy intimancy and it looks like you rather be with your friends, then do the right thing and tell her that you need your space to figure out what directions you want the relationship to go. I think you want the opportunity to date other people, but be farwarned...the grass might not be greener on the other side, so be very careful which direction you want to go to. Good luck.

[Lucey12]

Talk to her about it. The best thing is to be open about how you feel and maybe she can help you figure out what needs to be done.

[iam1butterfly]

Before I finished reading your post and before I read teko's response, I immediately sensed that it's highly likely that... you're not in love with her. And, that feeling has
little to do with how many years that you've been together and nothing to do with
your smoking habits.
If you ask yourself if you can get along in life without always thinking about her and
always wanting to be with her... and, based on what you described, you most definitely can... then, you have an important decision to make if you still decide to get married.

[jo929]

I would say that if you have any doubts,not to keep her waiting, both of you should move on with your life.  luck  jo

[teko]

Sorry! If you have to ask that question, you are NOT in love.  You may love her, but you are not in love. You have wasted enough of your time on this go no where love affair.