Best way to move on after being hurt

[Artemis04]

Well if you have read my baby mama or man drama post that I began on May 20, you will find out that I got my heart broken by a guy that I though really cared about me and I did him. While I am not mad at him and have forgiven him for what he did, I can't forget what he did. My mom tries to coddle me but it does not help it only makes me feel worse. My mom talks negatively bout my ex (such as him being fugly, ect.)  to make me not like him but that makes me sad. I did not like him because of what he looked like, I liked him because of his personality, that he could make me laugh, that he was fun, made me feel secure, ect. I totally understand my mom wanting to make me feel better about the whole thing and wanting to console me but when my heart gets broken, I usually am in a depressive state and just want to be alone. I told her that which may or may have not been the right thing but I had to. I stated to here that I do love her and appreciate her caring but I have to get over him on my own and it may take awhile. I stated to God that I forgave him but could not forget him for hurting me the way he did. That I denounce him from my life and that he does right by his baby mama, daughter, and second child on the way. That when he looks at them he understands he can't be selfish and hurt them or any other female. Would he want someone to cheat on his daughter when she is old enough to be in relationships? I just want him to burn in hell for what he did to me and his baby mama or get cancer from those ciggaretts he smokes. May be I should not wish ill will on him but he hurt me and I want him to hurt as much as I do. I know I deserve and will get better in life as everyone says but it still hurts even though I had only been with him for 3 months. Maybe it hurts more because he told me he had feelings for me and we acted on those feelings intimately as well as to be seeing me the same time he was his baby mama. What do I do to feel better?

[Judy246]

One day at a time. One step at a time. You will have good days and you will have horrible days. You will have nightmares, but you will be a survivor in this journey called life and welcome to the club. We have all been broken heart and you will experience the grief process. Losing a loved one is like a death. You grief and feel your loss and if it would have died. It's difficult. Surround yourself with good friends, family and a positive environment. We're here for you also. Judy

[Artemis04]

Well from what the baby mama tells me, there life together was never perfect and it is getting worse since she is pregnant again. I think she does want to use me as a sounding board to discuss things because he did me wrong just as he did her. We have no problem with each other, just a problem with him for being a lying ***. We were essentially causalities of war in this whole mess. He treats her as if she is his property and she feels confused on staying or leaving him - he apologized to her but she said it seemed to have no meaning behind it. He is her first love and she feels as though she can be without him or that any other man will want her with 2 children and an std history. I told her to pray about it as I am and hopefully all will workout. But he does nothing to help her with the baby, family time, ect. I honestly do not know......he still calls me but I do not answer the phone. I guess to either apologize or to still see me but I can't deal with him lying to me and her and being an *****. Well I stated to her as mami1323 said....that I did not want to discuss him at all that if we do talk about anything it be school, work, careers, television, ect. She understood and I think it may change. I was just raised to not be selfish and that is why I am trying to be positive and stay in her corner....essentially if she needs help with the baby and the one on the way I would be more than happy to help since I plan on going into pedatrics.

[mami1323]

You do not need to be friends with his baby's mother.  She has to deal with him for the rest of her life but you certainly don't.  Unless you can tell her you would rather not hear about him, then it's too much of a reminder.  I'm sure she's hurt and angry and uses you as a soundboard or dartboard for that anger towards him.  Knowing you can relate since he used you as well.  But I would let him go and that means not being part of his life at all, hence baby mama.

[Jennifer1987]

Been in your situation, my ex cheated on me with his ex! (we broke up last week) but it happened AGES ago and like u I forgave but didn't forget!

I don't think I could get over what he did, I miss him so much but it wasn't working for a LONG time! I think once hurt by a person you love and thought loved you makes it so hard to believe them when they say sorry or they love you! Its like twice the battle and really not worth it! I thought I could get past it but I couldn't!

So now Im heartbroken to, but I have to accept its over. So what Im doing is working, walking, taking quite time to chill and reflect on it all, being around people a lot to keep me busy... and counselling!

I think about all the bad things to help me move on, they help realise that I deserve better, and SO DO YOU!

[KATE535]

The best thing to do is not to pursue a friendship with the baby mama, or you are not going to be able to get either of them out of your head. You wouldn't want to hear about how perfect their relationship is now would you??

[Artemis04]

Thanks for the advice. I am in school and I am trying hard to focus on that. I also got a new job today, so that is cool. So things are starting to look up. The baby mama and I want to be cool....but it is crazy when she wants to talk about him. I as well as her are trying to get over his cheating ***, so I really dont want to hear about him. I just pray to god that this madness ends and my life returns to normal.

[Ladybug95]

Just take mami's advice. You need to distract yourself by doing different activities. Just go out and have as much fun as possible.

[teko]

You do not allow yourself to dwell on it for starters. Then you go out with friends, etc whether you want to or not. You put one foot in front of the other and keep going and you do not look back. Time will take care of the rest.

[mami1323]

Only time heals all wounds.  You need to distract yourself.  Go out, go to the gym, hang out with good friends, focus on school if you're in school, go on vacation.  Don't stop your life, this is just a bump in the road.  Honestly, this man was fishy to begin with, and you both hadn't been together that long.  Not saying it doesn't hurt but at least you didn't invest years of your life with him.  Look at it as a learning experience and use what you learned in your next relationship.  If it sounds odd in the beginning and you are questioning things, don't pursue it.  Next time you start to miss him, think of all the horrible things he did.  It will give you strength and won't allow you to even ponder on the "good times".  Good luck, heart break is never easy but it happens to the best of us.

[Artemis04]

Maybe I should have stated the question differently: But what is the best way to move on after being hurt?