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Why do I keep falling for his lies???
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Why do I keep falling for his lies???

Why can't I leave the guy who has cheated, lied, hurt…. me over and over again? I have put everything into the relationship… Intellectually I know he is all wrong for me, but why does my heart want to be broken again and again? It hurts to stay, but it hurts more to leave….
how do I get my mind and heart on the same page? why cant i just move on???
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Avatar_f_tn
It sounds like you are in love with what it could have been…
You put so much into the relationship (emotionally, physically) etc) you compromised your self and values for him and much more… Simply put: You have invested everything into him & the relation… always waiting for the return…. Always waiting to get back what you put in (feel appreciated or acknowledged)… but you never got any of that. This may be why you hold onto any little emotional return ("I'm sorry" or "I Love you") in hopes that you will finally get what you gave everything for.
I dont think you will get back what you put in.. Its hard, but dont give more when you know it is a bad investment…. Cut your losses… take a deep breathe and move on. Dont expect closure right away… This is supposed to be hard, confusing, & painful…But it is only a matter of time until you feel better.
Don't invest more of yourself… once you cut it off, if he wants it back, he can start investing in you.
Don't let him take away your confidence and self worth… I think you know the answer. Stay strong.
Commitment is to work through the differences… when both people are not actively working through it, commitment is over.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there.  sorry you've been hurt and it certainly sounds like you have been.  Why can't you leave?  Only you can answer that question.  Sometimes we are so damaged from our childhood and dating life that we don't deep down think we deserve better.  That this is all we can get.  And that being alone is bad.  

But you ARE worth more than this.  You deserve to be with a good man that treats you lovingly and with respect, that you can count on to be faithful and honest.  That you can live out your dreams with.  

Don't settle just to have a warm body there.  I'd rather be alone than be with someone that humiliated me and took me so for granted.  

So, I can't tell you to leave this man but I can tell you to love yourself more than you do and take care of yourself better-----  so that you will want to leave someone like this man that has hurt you so.  good luck and peace
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3060903_tn?1398568723
Honestly dear, i think that you should talk to a therapist about why you are accepting this type of behavior over and over again. Once you start to understand why, you'll be able to change your behavior, and that's the only behavior you can change. You certainly can't change his, unless he is willing to go to a marriage counselor, which is another option for the two of you going forward.  I hope that things will change for you in the New Year. It will take work, but it will be well worth the effort. I hope that you are enjoying the company of some of your family, other than this guy today, and are experiencing some joy today. Merry Christmas, next year can be different.
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Avatar_f_tn
It sounds like you are in love with what it could have been…
You put so much into the relationship (emotionally, physically) etc) you compromised your self and values for him and much more… Simply put: You have invested everything into him & the relation… always waiting for the return…. Always waiting to get back what you put in (feel appreciated or acknowledged)… but you never got any of that. This may be why you hold onto any little emotional return ("I'm sorry" or "I Love you") in hopes that you will finally get what you gave everything for.
I dont think you will get back what you put in.. Its hard, but dont give more when you know it is a bad investment…. Cut your losses… take a deep breathe and move on. Dont expect closure right away… This is supposed to be hard, confusing, & painful…But it is only a matter of time until you feel better.
Don't invest more of yourself… once you cut it off, if he wants it back, he can start investing in you.
Don't let him take away your confidence and self worth… I think you know the answer. Stay strong.
Commitment is to work through the differences… when both people are not actively working through it, commitment is over.
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Avatar_f_tn
Been there, done that (for 15 YEARS!!) so please know my words are sincere.  I could write You a book but it's actually quite simple if We weren't so good at complicating things.

This is One of the MANY things I have come to realize:

You stop "being" a victim when You stop "seeing" YourSelf as a victim.

The Serenity Prayer was my LifeLine - it made me strong enough to leave - in particular:  "Grant Me The Courage To Change The Things I Can"

Good Luck.  I know how Painful this is, I also know You deserve better.


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Avatar_f_tn
well said TtinkkerBell… Dont leave out the other part… "grant me the serenity, to accept what I cannot change…" Meaning: find the peace within yourself to view things without influences of emotional highs & lows/ would have & could be(s)…  And accept the reality that you cannot change him (or the past, or what he does next)….
Then (as TTinKKerBBell said):" find the courage to change the things you can change"- (being: what you do)…
I find the last part of the prayer very important:
…"and the wisdom to know the difference"- Meaning: figure out what you can and cannot change… be smart enough to see what you have no control over.
Good luck!
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Avatar_m_tn
Hello, sounds like you are in a lot of pain and confusion.  Loving someone is hard but when they treat you with disrespect and you still love them and want them to be different sounds more like co-dependency.  In essence you love the person more than you love yourself, therefore you are willing to put up with the negative behaviors.  My experience, "what you put up with, you end up with" it becomes a never ending cycle.  Stop and look within yourself to determine what is going on with you and why you would be wiling to settle for this type of treatment.  Are you calling that LOVE?
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for this comment I've been going through this same situation and I hope I can finally have the courage to leave.
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