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Why do married men cheat?
Are things really bad at home or are things just fine and their just being selfish?
I don't think it has anything to do with how things are at home, although that's an excuse many use. I think some men (and women) are just cheaters, and some just aren't. For some, making a commitment is just words, it doesn't really mean anything. It's sad and I do believe it ultimately comes back to bite them. Karma.
What about a situation where the wife wants to separate to "find herself" after 35 yrs of marriage with no intention of cheating and after a few months decides to go back to her loving, always faithful, never cheating husband only to find out that he cheated 2 wks after she left and did so repeatedly with women he didn't even know, throughout their separation. This was not any sort of legal separation. Is it the wife's fault for leaving? Or is the husband at fault for not being able to keep his hands to himself? This is the kind of thing that can destroy a marriage.
Men cheat for all different types of reasons. It is all dependent on the person. I think some are looking for attention, some don't know how to communicate their unhappiness, some do it because they can and they want to and don't think they will get caught, some can't be with just one woman, some have a lack of family values. There isn't one good answer. For the question above, I think cheating is cheating. If you separate to "find yourself" I do still think that in a way is cheating. You come back to find that the husband is doing exactly what the wife was doing and don't like it well then that's the wife's problem. It's not ok for either to behave in that way. There is no mutual respect there at all. Separate, divorce than see what's out there. Don't separate with intentions on meeting new people and then just expect to come back like nothing ever happened. That's my opinion though.
Sorry Linda, I mis-read the post. If the wife left but didn't cheat and the husband did...well that still is a sticky situation. She left him, even if she did nothing. I don't know what the agreement was between the husband and wife. Whether she left and said it was a temporary break but they have to remain faithful or the husband had no idea what her intentions were and decided to see what else was out there. He's wrong, definitely because if he did what he did after 2 weeks, what does that say about his level of commitment before she left. I guess it's a sticky situation.
Thanks for your response. I think she had gone through a lot, she had taken care of her elderly father for 5 yrs and her granddaughter from birth to 6 yrs and she wanted to get back her sense of independence, which she truly thought she could get from being on her own, and not depending on anyone for anything. I think she felt stifled and just wanted some solitude. Anyway, the agreement was to remain faithful, no fooling around That was agreed to by the husband, but for whatever reason, he cheated with several women and he lied about it. Now she is wondering if this was the first time since it was so easy for him to jump right in after 35 yrs. Or if this had possibly happened during happier times in the marriage. Can she ever be sure?
Nope, she can't be for sure and frankly no one can know for sure in their relationships. We have to just go by trust and since there is no proof than there is nothing she can do. Why dwell on the past? It will only hurt to think of it. I would think that he used the break as an excuse but since there were talks of remaining faithful, he broke the vows. He probably was curious to see what it was like to be with other women after all that time. Can she start fresh with her husband and just say he did what he did during a really rocky time in the marriage? It's a shame to throw that many years away, although I can imagine her hurt. Marriage counseling may help.
Thank you and I think you are right on target. She and her husband are still working at salvaging their marriage 5 yrs later, and it has taken a lot of work. You are also right about marriage counseling. That helped them both a lot. I think they are going to make it, but things will never really be quite the same. Like you said, its important to look toward the future and not dwell on the past.
No, things will never be the same because she will always see him as a different type of man now. The man she once knew is not who he is anymore. So a lot of things will have to change along with their relationship. She will have to learn to let go of the past and move toward the future. It takes a lot of strength to work past infidelity. But if both people are willing to work hard at it, the relationship could be stronger than ever. Not the same as before, but no relationship is perfect and there will always be a hurdle that a couple will have to overcome. You have to learn not to be a victim and not to let anyone control your happiness. Not even the love of your life. Your friend will have to allow herself to be happy. It's a struggle but it can be done.
Because they are just stupid! It's the thrill of the opportunity and thinking with the wrong head. Someone who cheats, is selfish, self serving, opportunist, like's the thrill and attention of 2 women, lack moral values and respect for their partner. Don't realize that they are hurting the very person they love or no longer love. Some men turn to other women when they are unhappy in their marriage or relationship.
Basically I would say it's either to stroke his ego or he's unhappy at home or work and wants to escape for a while. Some men can't control their urges when it comes to women (which is scary).
I don't think that it's the wife's fault unless she is nagging him all the time and makes him feel like he's worthless, whether she realizes it or not. That would probably fall under the communication issue that Mami was talking about.
I agree with Mami, whatever you feel like telling us. It will be nice to hear a guys point of view.
Why does any married person (man or woman) cheat?
... some may argue that it's because one's "needs" aren't being met. But, actually
it's because the cheater doesn't value their relationship enough to be faithful to it...
pure selfishness!
... some may argue that it's because one's "needs" aren't being met. But, actually
it's because the cheater doesn't value their relationship enough to be faithful to it...
pure selfishness!
Nowt like an easy question!
Every case will be different.
A friend of mine cheated on his wife whom he had been with since being childhood sweethearts. was it because he was in the wrong relationship, was it the pressure of children, was it because his sexual apatite was not being met, was it because he didn't love her, was it because the grass looked greener. In the end I doubt even he knows!
Another friend (female this time) said she was thinking about cheating on her husband to get his attention!
In the case highlighted by LindaTX. from a mans point of view I would feel rejected even if the reasons had been agreed. I'm not saying what he did was right, but if my wife said to me she needed to be on her own to get her independence back all sorts would go through my head ranging from was she planning to leave me to was she fed up with me. (and there is a pretty good chance that a few mates and a few more beers would fuel that paranoia)
Every case will be different.
A friend of mine cheated on his wife whom he had been with since being childhood sweethearts. was it because he was in the wrong relationship, was it the pressure of children, was it because his sexual apatite was not being met, was it because he didn't love her, was it because the grass looked greener. In the end I doubt even he knows!
Another friend (female this time) said she was thinking about cheating on her husband to get his attention!
In the case highlighted by LindaTX. from a mans point of view I would feel rejected even if the reasons had been agreed. I'm not saying what he did was right, but if my wife said to me she needed to be on her own to get her independence back all sorts would go through my head ranging from was she planning to leave me to was she fed up with me. (and there is a pretty good chance that a few mates and a few more beers would fuel that paranoia)
I agree with Vimes200 every case is different. Some men all just prone to cheat...the thrill of the chase, catch then comes the problems. Many are quite faithful. Now taking into consideration that we are speaking about "married" men. If they are bored in there marriage or same old rut, they can turn to another woman. If something is lacking in the relationship or problems in the relationship, they can possibly turn to another woman. It is definately adultery, self serving and take a chance knowingly that if their wife found it, it would inflict great emotional harm to her and the marriage. It's the opportunity, risk, and trill of the chance taken, but sooner or later, something will give and when it does there is hell to pay.
A starving man will look for food where ever he can find it. Men, and being one I can attest to this, want to be fed by our wives, but in this case not we are not talking about food you cook but the food that that makes us fell wanted, needed and loved. Men are simple, this is all it really takes, another way to state this is the 3 A’s appreciation, admiration and affection. Yes there are those men that are narcissistic and will go for and skirt they can find, but we will assume you picked well.
Guys are physical, this does not mean that they are only after sex for the act itself. We need the loving touch of our wife, a wife can talk nice but if she recoils at his touch, it is the same as saying “I really don’t want you”. I once heard from my wife that when I hugged her I always had to grope her too. What she didn’t understand was I was starving for her affection and while a nibble of a cookie tasted good the whole thing with milk would be much better. What I would like, and I think most guys are the same, is a big hug and a kiss that says “I Love You and I am glad you are MY man” when I get home from work. For her to want to make love to me even if it has been a long day and she is tired, not just a spread of the legs and have a do it if you must attitude. We can get the same relief from a magazine and Rosie and her five sisters. BTW, when was the last time a good orgasm didn’t make you feel better and relive the stress of the day too?
A guy is supposed to be the one that supports and provides for his family too. I think most men share in that feeling and while in today’s world it is common for both to work, I think the man wants to be the major bread winner and feels emasculated when he can’t provide for this family. He needs to know that what he does pleases his wife and he is admired for working as hard as he does for her. Possibly a through back when a good man was a good hunter? Do women want the same appreciation for what they do? I think so and we can address that later, but this is about why men would cheat. A good example of this was a post I read where this woman’s hubby was employed in a body shop, I believe, and due to the economy the shop was doing poorly. All the other guys had been laid off but him but he was only working part time and would come home and sit on the couch and be real grumpy to say the least. I don’t know what it was like there first hand and I am sure there was a lot of self pity, however if she would have shown him love and been grateful he still had a job at all things might be different for them. I get the feeling she belittles him any chance she gets and he hears what a no good bast@@d he is a lot.
How many times have this happened with you or you have heard it? A husband brings home flowers or buys jewelry and the wife says one these things, “what did you do wrong” , “what are you feeling guilty for” or “why did you buy these, we can’t afford them”? Did you ever stop to think a better response would be to throw your arms around him and give him a big hug and slurpy kiss and tell him how happy they make you? When was the last time he decided to help out around the house and fold the laundry only to be told that he did it wrong? This is just one example but I bet most of you women are quick to point out when you husband “gets it wrong”.
Now think how the “other woman” makes him feel. She always has a compliment, a smile and she tries to look good. Maybe if married women would treat their husbands more like they did when they were dating, he wouldn’t want to look at other women. Women have all the power and they need to use it wisely.
As an end note, this is not a free pass for us guys, that is a different conversation as this is to address why a guy might cheat.
Guys are physical, this does not mean that they are only after sex for the act itself. We need the loving touch of our wife, a wife can talk nice but if she recoils at his touch, it is the same as saying “I really don’t want you”. I once heard from my wife that when I hugged her I always had to grope her too. What she didn’t understand was I was starving for her affection and while a nibble of a cookie tasted good the whole thing with milk would be much better. What I would like, and I think most guys are the same, is a big hug and a kiss that says “I Love You and I am glad you are MY man” when I get home from work. For her to want to make love to me even if it has been a long day and she is tired, not just a spread of the legs and have a do it if you must attitude. We can get the same relief from a magazine and Rosie and her five sisters. BTW, when was the last time a good orgasm didn’t make you feel better and relive the stress of the day too?
A guy is supposed to be the one that supports and provides for his family too. I think most men share in that feeling and while in today’s world it is common for both to work, I think the man wants to be the major bread winner and feels emasculated when he can’t provide for this family. He needs to know that what he does pleases his wife and he is admired for working as hard as he does for her. Possibly a through back when a good man was a good hunter? Do women want the same appreciation for what they do? I think so and we can address that later, but this is about why men would cheat. A good example of this was a post I read where this woman’s hubby was employed in a body shop, I believe, and due to the economy the shop was doing poorly. All the other guys had been laid off but him but he was only working part time and would come home and sit on the couch and be real grumpy to say the least. I don’t know what it was like there first hand and I am sure there was a lot of self pity, however if she would have shown him love and been grateful he still had a job at all things might be different for them. I get the feeling she belittles him any chance she gets and he hears what a no good bast@@d he is a lot.
How many times have this happened with you or you have heard it? A husband brings home flowers or buys jewelry and the wife says one these things, “what did you do wrong” , “what are you feeling guilty for” or “why did you buy these, we can’t afford them”? Did you ever stop to think a better response would be to throw your arms around him and give him a big hug and slurpy kiss and tell him how happy they make you? When was the last time he decided to help out around the house and fold the laundry only to be told that he did it wrong? This is just one example but I bet most of you women are quick to point out when you husband “gets it wrong”.
Now think how the “other woman” makes him feel. She always has a compliment, a smile and she tries to look good. Maybe if married women would treat their husbands more like they did when they were dating, he wouldn’t want to look at other women. Women have all the power and they need to use it wisely.
As an end note, this is not a free pass for us guys, that is a different conversation as this is to address why a guy might cheat.
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