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advice?

So this may not be the right place to post this but this subject is complicated and bothers me. So when I was 6 my dad robbed a bank bc of a lot of issues he had. My mom died 2 years later from cancer. My stepdad took guardianship of me. Raised me as his own. Prior to my dad getting arrested believe it or not but hecwas a great dad. We spent every other weekend together. He took me everywhere. To the zoo the movies childrens muesum. I have a lot of good memories with him. My stepdad and I had a great relationship till I got in my teens. We butted heads a lot. I had a lot of isdues with depression and was suffering from bipolar disorder. He refused to take me to a doctor to get checked out which did not help me or my isdues. He finally gave in when I was at a serious breaking point. Over the years our relationship has struggled more and more. I have tried so hard to salvage it but it blows up in my face everytime. I ended up taking space from him over the years so I could stop living with all the put downs and controlling attitude he has towards my life. He gives advice without me asking for it. If I dont take it he gets really upset. Im 25 and I still get treated like I'm that 16 year old girl. Honestly not taking his advice I've been fine. Ivr done well making my own choices and confiding in others. He can't relate to me very well. He says to me well your emotional and I'm not. I dont get you. I've suggested family therapy but he refuses. There is just a lot of built up resentment and ill hidden feelings between us and I'd love things to get better but I'm sick of trying. All my friends and husband say he puts me down a lot with negative sarcasam at my expense and that its not good for me to be around that when I have enough issues of my own. Apparently I should demand more respect. Well my dad that's in prison is getting out in 6 days. We have become realky close thrpugh letters and phone calls the last 5 years. He and I know eachother really well anf have a very unquie relationship. I dont have to tell him how I feel or whatI'm going through he usually just instinctivly knows. I feel bad that our relationship is so good and we understand eachother so well. We are both bipolar to and are very much alike. So my husband and I made the choice a year ago to have him parole out to our house. We feel the need to help and be there for him. We feel its somehow part of gods plan. And on a side note that is a very big thing my dad and I have in common is god. We are both very rreligious and in touch with god. My stepdads view on god is I went to church everyday when I was younger. I dont need ti learn anything else and he doesn't have much faith in god. So my dads about to come stay with me and I know my stepdad is going to be upset when he finds out. No I haven't told him due to the ill feelings he has towards my father and the fact our relationship ***** anyways. He's going to find out reguardless and he's going to feel left out and upset. I feel guilty he's going to feel that way but I mean what can I do? I can barely talk to him without something negative being told to me or I have to hold my tounge through everything he says cause I'm trying to avoid an argument.  Its gotten so bad I just communicate with him through emails and texts cause of this. I just wish we could go to family therapy but no he has to much pride to work on himself or even think he needs to work on himself. I know no matter how good in life I will be doing there is always something to improve. Im a big advocate for therapy. I even offered to pay for it. As you can see I'm desperate. So should I feel bad that he's going to react this way. How should I tell him about my dad. I did tell him he's getting out to which he relies oh that's just great. Very sarcastic in case you cant tell. Ug. I'm happy anyways to be reunitef with my dad but I'm sick of this relationship with my stepdad and sometimes I'm ready to walk away drom it.
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Ignore all the typos my phone *****
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5840009_tn?1395493115
Your stepdad did do an Amazing thing and stepped in when your dad couldn't so he does deserve recognition and thanks for that.. I can see both sides of this and maybe your stepdad is feeling alot of hurt also. He lost his wife and had to raise a daughter alone. Thats a big deal. Just bc your real dad is getting out of prison doesn't mean you should turn your back on the man that raised you! Your step dad was THERE for the every day things so their are bound to be conflicts sometimes.. It's very easy to romanticize things about your real dad by remembering how things were when you were small.. Its easy to get along when one person isn't around for the day to day stuff... Your very lucky... You have two dads that love you. Your stepdad probably has alot of good qualities that you overlook by solely focusing on what he does wrong.
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Avatar_f_tn
You could be right. I tell him all the time I appreciate what he's done for me. I really do and I dont mean to come off like I dont. I just want to get along with him.We hhaven't gotten along in a very long time. There's more to the story to. My friens and some family disagree with how he's been treating me. I dont discredit him for being there but he's expressed that he got stuck raising me bc he promised m mom on her deathbed that he would.
That's how he says it. Like he regrets making that choice. He loves me I know that but we can't relate to eachother and its made things difficult.
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Avatar_f_tn
Needless to say you have given me insight and some stuff to think about. Thank you
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5840009_tn?1395493115
Maybe he's not good at communicating when it comes to emotional stuff ( surely doesn't sound like it). I think you are right about the counseling... I think a mediator who can facilitate open communication between the two of you is probably the only answer right now... Short of him waking up tomorrow and realizing how his behavior is affecting you. If he won't get counseling with you, or listen and try to change some things you may have to step back and let him figure things out for himself! None of those life situations were your fault and I really hope you don't believe him when he says harsh things. You are worthy of love and respect. Maybe write him a detailed letter and let it all out??
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Avatar_f_tn
I did that :( I actually said if things dont change then I can't bring my daughter around him and me togetherbecause I ddidn't want her raised around all the tension and ill feelings between us. He straighten up and was a lot better for a couple months then it went right back to the way it was. I dont understand why. The last time we did family therapy as a teenager to the therapist asked him to work on some things and he said no. She's the problem not me. I dont need to work on anything. And he walked out and refused to ever go back. Ug. I'm going to try the a game with him where each day we say something to eachother where we say what we admire or appriciate about eachother. Since I think both of us and I'm realizing especially him that he feels unappreciated. Maybe building him up and letting him know specifically what I admire and love about him will help. Maybe Ive hurt his feelings somewherealong the way or have bern insensitive and tthat's why he lashes out or says what he says. Idk but I know he has trouble communicating. Ill try my game. If he doesnt want to participate I will at least. May hrlp somethinh
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