please help

[sandy201]

My husband  and I have been together for 4 years , when we first met he was so emotionally and physically attracted me he would cry, like Ive never met anyone like you your it , Ill do anything for you, and the sexual aspect of our life , lets just say was unbelievable, he would not stop, he was always telling me how sexy I was, always wanting to make love to the point , I could not keep up, he got a promotion, a supervisor maintence at a property so we moved to a house on the property.. ever since which its been going on 2 years , he has done a 360... he tells me things I do wrong,when we fight , he doesnt say anything to the fact of he loves me , he says angry violent stuff like , if you dont like it then get the !@#$ out... I dont care , Then he says sorry the next day... We barely make love but once a week, and we used to everyday...He never tells me Im sexy anymore like he used to , he never cries,Ive begged him to take a look at the way he has changed since hes started the job, and hes come aroung just a little.. heres the problem the property manager he works with day in and ou with is this beautiful blonde, successful perfect from head to toe.. Ever y guy would die to date .. They are like so close they talk 8 to 10 times but I cant catch anything but work talk... I dont know how they act together when there alone but nothing has jumped out in his cell phone to tell me they have been intimate or mentally connected other than work... But he doesnt go out just works and  comes home to me ... So why the change?  I understand we cannot be honeymooners like we were the first year but he is so not into me like we used to I long for him and feel discontented.Ive questioned him about her so much and we have fought about her so much that it is a house rule that I can not bring her up because there is nothing going on and all it does is cause us to fight. Latley since I got pregnant, im six months, he has been more in tune with me and has changed alot... hes actually been more into me too. . but 2 years of that diswtant violent man I didnt know I cannot shake I feel he had an affaiir and its over now or he was in love with her and realized it couldnt work and now hes coming back what do you think...are those signs of infidelity what I mentioned above? I really want to know whawt was going on during that time? Like take him on steve wilkos for a lie detector test.. cause Id leave him in a heartbeat if he has, please someome give me there opinion...I cant stop thinking he had an affair. I want it to go away

[mami1323]

The love is very real and very pure.  However, parenthood is exhausting, it helps to have a great support system.  Hopefully, your husband can step it up.  Good luck and congrats on the baby.

[sandy201]

thanks , actually I hope once I have the baby I will no actually what unconditional love is ~!

[mami1323]

Oh no, I'm not a nurse, does that say that in my profile?  Here's my expertise on the cheating subject.  I've been there, I understand how you feel about the disconnect and you just feel it in your gut.  Who knows, maybe he did.  But I also knew about my fiance cheating when I had the proof in my hands.  If I couldn't prove it then I couldn't do much about my suspicions.  All it did was cause us to argue and I had no leg to stand on, even though I knew it deep down.  My only advice is, if you aren't planning on ending it with him, then you will have to come to terms with the possibility of never finding out the truth.  Let it go if you can.  If you can't then what would be the point in staying with him?  He's going to get annoyed with the constant accusations and will eventually use the cliche line of "well if I'm going to get blamed for it I might as well do it"....specialmom can back me up on that one...lol.  You want harmony in your house, so try your hardest to enjoy your relationship for what it is now.  As far as my love life, well I'm often tired and so I suppose we have sex 3-4 times a week.  But once you have that baby, you will be so exhausted that you won't even be thinking about sex so much.

[sandy201]

sorry hun, I met that  to go to mama123, but I was also going to write to you thank you for your advice as well , your right about the balming and receptive part... Ive learned that the hard way, but you saying it also helps me continue that path....Ive tried to talk to him but like I said it has been metioned so much its an unwritten rule that he demadsw nomore of j=her name because we argue and he says him and her is all about work and thats it, if I do not trust him than thats on me.....go figure huh? Hows your love life?

[sandy201]

hey, i wanted to write back to you because of your advice , thank you first of all..,The thing is like I mentioned above , is Ive talked to  him and said Im worried I feel like your work has come in between us majorly and I dont understand why, I never thought anything would come in between us. He disagreed and says I disagree with you I sere no change , alomost like he was in denial. That was when I was like , ok this man is hiding something from me how could I feel a extreme change and him feel nothing it was physically and mentally eveident. So he was lying right there, thats why I continue to think about it, yea hes changed but my god, if I knew he was having an affair with her or any of his cute little co workers and we fought so much over it and him saying convictivley Im not a liar , if you say anything about me and my co workers again Im done, thats how sick of it he was. Well the thing is Im not dillusional, in fact I was working out one day and his male coworker was in the gym , he was new, he came up to me and said you know , (The beautiful one) loves Mark (my husband), he continued to say I have never seen 2 people work wo well together .. She just adores him, if I need to get anything passed throgh I just ask Mark to go tell Julie , (not ask Julie , but tell her). I was !@#$%, I went straight home and told him, and he said hes crazy , your crazy for taking it this way and blah blah blah....Another instance she called to apologize to hom after a meeting by calling him and saying I know you dont like me talking about that issue and Im sorry , like there married. Hes got an ego, totally confident . which thats fine but .. its almost like when he didnt have as much , I was his life and now that his manager is more like his wife and he gets his *** kissed at work all day , I became the back burner.. Yes I have embraced whats going on now... But you have to understand what I went through and still half way going through, hes still not the same , but hes alot better. If I ever find out it would DONE.. after all the denial. and making me out to be the crazy one...Can I let it go? yes, more than I ever have , its becoming a smaller and smaller issue, will I ever forget , NO! So how do I go on? I guesss is the question? We still lack the sexual itimacy, I even asked him today what do you do with your sexual wants when I know Im not fulfilling them, he said nothing , I guess I feel contednt with what we have . He also pointed out something that made sense , he said sandy your home all day with your thoughts, plus your pregnant (even though this happened way before I got pregnant) and Im a super visor out there dealing with 50 vendors, 350 residents, and working all at the same time ... So you need to think about the difference between our lives, I dont have time to think about sex, and if I do its you.(which saved his ***). Anyway thank you for putting some perspective on it ... I will try to just go forward like you said.....sorry I kinda start to ramble ! Whats going on with you, I read your profile and your a nurse thats very impressive, my hats off to you , how is your love life? wb if  you would like  Bye Sandy

[sandy201]

hey, i wanted to write back to you because of your advice , thank you first of all..,The thing is like I mentioned above , is Ive talked to  him and said Im worried I feel like your work has come in between us majorly and I dont understand why, I never thought anything would come in between us. He disagreed and says I disagree with you I sere no change , alomost like he was in denial. That was when I was like , ok this man is hiding something from me how could I feel a extreme change and him feel nothing it was physically and mentally eveident. So he was lying right there, thats why I continue to think about it, yea hes changed but my god, if I knew he was having an affair with her or any of his cute little co workers and we fought so much over it and him saying convictivley Im not a liar , if you say anything about me and my co workers again Im done, thats how sick of it he was. Well the thing is Im not dillusional, in fact I was working out one day and his male coworker was in the gym , he was new, he came up to me and said you know , (The beautiful one) loves Mark (my husband), he continued to say I have never seen 2 people work wo well together .. She just adores him, if I need to get anything passed throgh I just ask Mark to go tell Julie , (not ask Julie , but tell her). I was !@#$%, I went straight home and told him, and he said hes crazy , your crazy for taking it this way and blah blah blah....Another instance she called to apologize to hom after a meeting by calling him and saying I know you dont like me talking about that issue and Im sorry , like there married. Hes got an ego, totally confident . which thats fine but .. its almost like when he didnt have as much , I was his life and now that his manager is more like his wife and he gets his *** kissed at work all day , I became the back burner.. Yes I have embraced whats going on now... But you have to understand what I went through and still half way going through, hes still not the same , but hes alot better. If I ever find out it would DONE.. after all the denial. and making me out to be the crazy one...Can I let it go? yes, more than I ever have , its becoming a smaller and smaller issue, will I ever forget , NO! So how do I go on? I guesss is the question? We still lack the sexual itimacy, I even asked him today what do you do with your sexual wants when I know Im not fulfilling them, he said nothing , I guess I feel contednt with what we have . He also pointed out something that made sense , he said sandy your home all day with your thoughts, plus your pregnant (even though this happened way before I got pregnant) and Im a super visor out there dealing with 50 vendors, 350 residents, and working all at the same time ... So you need to think about the difference between our lives, I dont have time to think about sex, and if I do its you.(which saved his ***). Anyway thank you for putting some perspective on it ... I will try to just go forward like you said.....sorry I kinda start to ramble ! Whats going on with you, I read your profile and your a nurse thats very impressive, my hats off to you , how is your love life? wb if  you would like  Bye Sandy

[jrobertson20]

Maybe his job had him stressed out a lot.  It's really hard to say if he had an affair or not because there was also a life change with the job change.  Maybe he just wasn't happy with his job right away.  I can't tell you for sure that he didn't cheat because I don't know.  All I can say is that I hope he did not cheat and he starts to change into that man you once knew.  Sit down and talk with him.  Don't point fingers just tell him how you are feeling inside.  When you try to talk to somebody and just put blame on them the are not going to be very receptive.  So tell him how you have been feeling and hopefully he will open up to you.  Good luck and I hope everything works out good.  Congratulations on the pregnancy.  I am 5 months myself!!!!!!

[teko]

You are pregnant, insecure, with raging hormones. It could simply be added stress. Nothing you have said would indicate that he is having an affair. The fact that he comes straight home to you would indicate something else if anything. After the baby is born and if at that time you still feel in your gut that something is going on, then deal at that time. It could just be circumstances and stress.