cheating

[babimomma]

13year realtionship two kids, no commitment. Man goes out with the boys once or twice every 2 weeks,mostly single ones. Hear rumors of him cheating here and there. He denies everything. I recently informed him I knew he was cheating and who with and he is kissing my butt now, which makes me feel he is so guilty and the butt kissing will not last.Is it time for me to go?

[SeriousSam]

You guys have kids, you don't hate each other and have both accused each other of the same things without proof see a couples counselor.  I am betting that BOTH of you will still subconciously turn to telleach other to talk whaen the other person is out of your lives.  You both mainly seem like you take each other for granted.

BTW...  Do you go out with the girls?  When do you spend time with your friends?  It does sound like BOTH of you let other people run your lives.

Just a thought.

[Judy246]

I know your are going thru a very difficult time and the most important issue right now is your health and your baby. You don't need this added stress at this time. Has he told you that he loves you? I think it's time to make a plan. Either now or wait until the baby is born to make a decision. This is up to you. I rather be alone then suffering in a loveless relationship that is going no where. It's easier said than done, but, yest there is light at the end of the tunnel and yes, there is a tomorrow without him. It's great that he is a good father and a good provider, but he is showing you that he is in it for the children and convenience. Please take care of yourself at this time, since you pregnant and surround yourself with your family, positive environment and good friends.

[jo929]

there is no marriage, so both partys are free, that is why we have marriages people love get married then have children, no marriage, he feels no guilt, and that is the way he likes it.if you were married maybe he would have guilt about breaking the ties, it wont be long untill he does it again  luck  jo

[babimomma]

thanks for you info, im trying to be strong. I feel like a scardy cat, but he has played me for so long now, my friends have told me over and over to get out. They joke at me and say i will be wheeling around the nursing home in a wheel chair saying he will marry me one day. I dont want this to happen.

[vmvnpv]

I read the follow up posts.  You definitely need to get out of there.  He sounds really immature and this situation sounds like a classic case of "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?"  You can do so much better than that and your kids deserve better than that.  Good luck!

[vmvnpv]

I personally would have left the chump a long time ago.  13 years, 2 kids and no commitment?  That alone would have made me leave.  Add to it the possibility of cheating?  I would have been gone.

[babimomma]

So im gonna make some phone calls and see abt getting an apartment. I dont even think at this point he needs a explanation, he knows when I walk out why Im doing it, even though he will act like ive got it made with him (no bills)...but there is no respect either...

[teko]

I say its time to deal with it. The rumours he is cheating, 13 years of a non committed relationship, the whole shibang! Are these kids his? He has gotten away with so much for so long, why in the world would he want to change it? He is happy and that is all he is worried about obviously. Fear of being alone? Can you be anymore alone than you are now? I say, have a truth and view fest, soon.

[mami1323]

Are you happy?  That's the question you have to ask yourself.  If you're not then you need to do what's good for you.  The kids will be happy when you are.  You can't fake happiness your entire life just to please your children.  What happens when they are older and move out and your left with a "wasted" life and a man who wasn't worth it.  You don't want any regrets in life.

[babimomma]

I fear the unknown, and hate to be alone. But everyday I stay now feels like a day wasted. He is a good provider and good father. But we are more like roomates. We have seperate friends. I keep asking everyone what to do and some say try and work it out for the kids and others say they would have been gone along time ago.

[iam1butterfly]

So, 6 years ago... he decided that you weren't worthy to marry; but, it was still okay to live with you?
And, now he says that he will marry you... but, he only says that when you bring up the subject?
Hasn't this man humiliated you enough?

[babimomma]

Wedding was scheduled for 2003, his friends told him i was cheating. Totally false. He took thier word for it and called off the wedding the day of. He tells me we will, we will, when I bring it up now.

[Judy246]

just out of curiousity, why no commitment?  Without a commitment, he feels it's ok to do whatever he wants. It speaks volumn on how he feels about you. If after 13 yrs. he has not commited, he never will.

[iam1butterfly]

humm, let's see!

a 13 year relationship with 2 kids and no commitment...
he still hangs out with the "boys"...
and, you know that he's probably guilty of cheating...

the question shouldn't be: "is it time... to go?"
the question should be: "what am I waiting for?

[Judy246]

I have to agree with mami, only you can make that decision. We have that inner voice and six sense that tells us when something is wrong and from experience, we should listen to it.  I would be very uncomfortable with my man spending lots of time with his single friends and you are home with the kids, but also remember, there is no commitment. Good luck.

[mami1323]

Only you can decide that.  No one can tell you what's best for you and your family.