cheating. wife

[72ford]

I have been married for almost 18 years. I found out my wife cheated with multiple men this year. She had a online affair with one guy and his wife asked her to stop but they didn't so shs contacted me. My wife was very sorrowful when I confronted her about it. O took her cell phone and found a video of another man j--king off.. i made her move out for are safety where i could think things through.During this time i had her phone and computer &differnt men where sending txting msg and facebooking msg. After a few days i was able to talk to her. She confessed that she had been sexting this othet guy i question her and tried to get her to come clean. She told me she had had an sexual affair last December that lasted 3 months. The anothet one in August with a man she meet on facebook and had never met before. I foung sexual pic & vedio of her that she had been sending to 9the other men i know of. Then i let her move back in because i love her and for are kids. She srore that that was all she had done after reviewing i found out that thete was one more wich was almost 3out years ago. She didnt think i would find out about it. She has lied to me for all these years and it realy hard to forget.  This is from a woman who has always been conservitive. 17 years of marriage making love in the dark now i am dealing with all yhis deception. I have nevet cheated or considered cheating. Help please! !!!!

[Nighthawk61]

Obviously, my friend, grief are first and foremost in the stages that you will go through, and it is just as important that you are able to vent your grief and anger. We are here for you, to support you, in all the stages of your loss. Hugs. Liz

[Nighthawk61]

I'm not sure if RR meant that the "parade of the mother's boyfriend's who had sex with her" suggested sex with the mother or your wife. I do KNOW that many people, and addicts, have learned how to block things out in their adult life by blocking out many different forms of abuse from their childhood. Physical , psychological, sexual abuse, and abandonment issues are but a few of reasons why a woman could be acting out in this way.  This could be an addiction as a result of any of these devastating issues that can be so damaging to a young person's development. There are more still, who have become addicted to such behavior with no rhyme nor reason, nothing in their past would have caused such a thing. Only analysis will reveal the reasons for acting out this way, and like a recovering addict, you will never be absolutely certain with the results of treatment.  There are however, many who do recover from this kind of acting out. You will have a better idea of what your wife is capable of when you see the extent of her humility. Should you not be able to get over this, I pray that you heal , move on and find an equal partner. It is most important that your kid's see an equal partnership, regardless of whether it is with your wife, or another love in your life. Understanding, acceptance and forgiveness are important for you to move in the right direction in your life. Please talk to a therapist about this, so you have this foundation moving forward. God Speed and God Bless your family.

[specialmom]

Sadly, I agree with Rockrose.  I think there is much going on under the surface with your wife and she has some emotional issues that she must overcome with intensive therapy.  I do wish you luck.  Approach her about a new therapist.  good luck

[RockRose]

72ford,  to me,  this points directly to a history of sexual abuse (I hardly ever say this) and am surprised that after 17 years this is just now coming to a head.

Women who can treat their sexuality so grossly casually,  and block things out point to a history of an ongoing molestation issue in childhood.  IMHO.

And no,  I don't think a dad dying when she was 4 caused this.  Her "upbringing",  if that involved a parade of the mother's boyfriends who had sex with her would,  though.

[72ford]

We have been in counseling for about a 7 weeks and they say from her dad dying when she was 4 and her upbringing that she was able to block it out as she has other things that it never happened wich makes no sense to me. Every sense we have been married if we had an argument the next day it was as if it never happened. I just don't understand after 17a years you dont remember and you block it out as if it never happened. I dont understand!!!!!!!

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome to the forum.  Well, I'm sure you are devestated.  Gosh, do you think your wife has some mental health issues or an addiction issue?  I ask because it is a LOT.  

Now, I wouldn't like sexting but that isn't actually having sex but she's gone as far as to have sex with others.  The combination of multiple men, the videos, pics, sexting, etc. make me think that she is off balance in some way and perhaps suffering a sexual addiction or mental health issue.  

could that be the case here?

[Life360_Dave]

Hi Ford and really sorry about this. Man to man, this goes beyond cheating and in her mind is deception and absolute betrayal to you and the family with no regard about the diseases she could have exposed you to. With this level of behavior i dont see any option but to leave and start your life overagain. One could say that she has a obsession sickness and needs therapy but how could you ever trust her again. With this type of extreme deception, she might claim she needs treatment, but you will never know whats in her mind for sure.
Im really sorry for you but you will meet a beautiful person again some day.