Aa
childless step mother
Hello I have a problem im not sure how to deal with it. I am a step mom to a wonderful little girl I love her as my own. I am also a stay at home wife. To get down to it I would love to have a baby and sibling for my step daughter. My husband on the other hand seems he wants to wait. I am 23 and hes 30 im not to worried about the waiting part of it. But my step daughters biological mother is pregnant and last night my sister in law announced she was pregnant I was very respectful and congratulated her what set me off was her comment "I feel so bad for you" was all it took she has known the struggle emotionally I have been going through with trying to get my husband on board to have a baby. ...I then got upset but kept my cool and smiled and told her "it's okay really I am happy for you guys"...later my husband and I got into a argument my husband said he is tired of having the same conversation over and over with me about this. ...I'm starting to feel like i can't talk to him about anything involving me getting pregnant. ..it honestly broke my heart when he said this then another stab at the heart he said when "we have sex I am starting to feel that it is all about you getting pregnant. ...I want it to be passionate. ..im starting to feel pressured into this". ..I honestly felt bad because that's the last thing I wanted but on the other hand I feel like that glory of becoming a frist parent is no more for him but me I honestly do not know what to do I feel like I should get over this baby thing and move on but my heart says other wise I love my husband I just want to share that love with him.i am not sure if getting on birth control is going to make me resentful towards my husband or help me with baby fever any thoughts?
No apology needed. I do understand your mindset was different when you initially posted.
Glad you've realized your priority right now is taking care of your health.
All the best.
Glad you've realized your priority right now is taking care of your health.
All the best.
I understand how much you want a child. And that's a good thing. I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother. You can learn alot from your relationship with your step daughter. Maybe the timing is a little off, but down the road some, after learning from each other how to compromise to keep your relationship alive and well, you'll be so much stronger together wanting your (both) child
.I'm sorry to hear that you have found out you have a cyst. I hope that all goes well. Please let us know you're okay?
I would also add, let's not forget (though we sometimes would like to if we have baby fever) that the husband's desires count as much as the wife's. You are married to him, his equal partner. He doesn't want a baby right now. He hasn't said he doesn't ever want to be a father again (a lot of women who want babies come up on this one in their partner). Just not now. Since you're 23, he probably thinks he can ask you to wait and you will understand that you have time. You have probably 20 years of childbearing time ahead of you, maybe stop at 40 if you want, it is not like it has to happen tomorrow.
Please find something else to get involved with and contribute to emotionally right now, such as your stepdaughter's school or Sunday school perhaps or a beloved charity. And, as the other ladies have suggested, keep your angst about this out of the family gossip circle or it really will come back to bite you in the butt. Talk to a pastor or a counselor, jto vent, but don't take it home and don't spread it around the family. You are married to this man because you love him, not just because you might want a family with him. Try to enjoy him for himself.
Please find something else to get involved with and contribute to emotionally right now, such as your stepdaughter's school or Sunday school perhaps or a beloved charity. And, as the other ladies have suggested, keep your angst about this out of the family gossip circle or it really will come back to bite you in the butt. Talk to a pastor or a counselor, jto vent, but don't take it home and don't spread it around the family. You are married to this man because you love him, not just because you might want a family with him. Try to enjoy him for himself.
I want to apologize to you I completely get what your saying ...as for the rest of you also. ..right now isn't the best time for a baby i can take the hintI found out what it was that made me miss three months of my menstrual cycle I found out I have a cyst growing on my ovarie so I am taking that as a sign that it's not my time...I hate admitting that but it is what it is. ... I got bigger things to worry about... i am respectful to her mom all of *the time I never say any thing bad about her in front of my step daughter...I would never do that to her...but im going to take this as a sign it's not time yet.....I know it's very common for women to develop a cyst but I didn't know that and I was afraid I was never told that it happens ...still is scary to me but im trying to be level headed about it so I can get better
no truer words could be spoken.......Patience is s virtue.
The fact is, a LOT of couples are completely ready. They have a good living situation of their own (rental or ownership) adequate income to live comfortably, $$ savings so they could coast 6 months if they lost their jobs, reliable safe transportation (even if it's reliable public transportation), are free of addictions, are in a loving, stable, married relationship.
There are a LOT of people like that - and those are the kids your child will be competing with in life.
The fact is, a LOT of couples are completely ready. They have a good living situation of their own (rental or ownership) adequate income to live comfortably, $$ savings so they could coast 6 months if they lost their jobs, reliable safe transportation (even if it's reliable public transportation), are free of addictions, are in a loving, stable, married relationship.
There are a LOT of people like that - and those are the kids your child will be competing with in life.
Totally agree with RR.
It isn't the right thing to do to bring a child into a situation when one isn't completely prepared properly; totally ready.
To be honest, neither the ex or you should be bringing a child into the mix at this time.
It isn't the right thing to do to bring a child into a situation when one isn't completely prepared properly; totally ready.
To be honest, neither the ex or you should be bringing a child into the mix at this time.
Well, since you are having fertility issues (a year of trying and no pregnancy, and now cessation of your period) this problem has now come to a head whether or not you will actually be able to get pregnant.
I will say, I'm a little surprised when I read people say that no one is ever really completely ready to conceive.
The fact is, a LOT of couples are completely ready. They have a good living situation of their own (rental or ownership) adequate income to live comfortably, $$ savings so they could coast 6 months if they lost their jobs, reliable safe transportation (even if it's reliable public transportation), are free of addictions, are in a loving, stable, married relationship.
There are a LOT of people like that - and those are the kids your child will be competing with in life.
Of course, situations can change and car wrecks and disease happens - but the key is, at the time you conceive, you are fully ready to take on the responsibility of parenting.
And that's why we have a disappearing middle class. Because we have divided parents, as a society, basically into two classes. Those who prepare for years for parenthood, and those who don't think anyone is ever ready for parenthood.
blueeyes, I firmly believe in years to come, you'll look back on this time with gratitude at the timing of things in your life - that right now, you really aren't prepared to be a mother just quite yet.
Best wishes. The power of unanswered prayers.
I will say, I'm a little surprised when I read people say that no one is ever really completely ready to conceive.
The fact is, a LOT of couples are completely ready. They have a good living situation of their own (rental or ownership) adequate income to live comfortably, $$ savings so they could coast 6 months if they lost their jobs, reliable safe transportation (even if it's reliable public transportation), are free of addictions, are in a loving, stable, married relationship.
There are a LOT of people like that - and those are the kids your child will be competing with in life.
Of course, situations can change and car wrecks and disease happens - but the key is, at the time you conceive, you are fully ready to take on the responsibility of parenting.
And that's why we have a disappearing middle class. Because we have divided parents, as a society, basically into two classes. Those who prepare for years for parenthood, and those who don't think anyone is ever ready for parenthood.
blueeyes, I firmly believe in years to come, you'll look back on this time with gratitude at the timing of things in your life - that right now, you really aren't prepared to be a mother just quite yet.
Best wishes. The power of unanswered prayers.
"since when in the hell is anyone 100 percent ready or at a good place?".........100% ready? What? You do need to be in a good place in regards to your health is what I was referring to. YOU and YOUR health, not this other stuff is important right now.
You are correct........I don't know what you do or what you are going through UNLESS you post it.
All this may be the reason your husband wants to put having another baby on the backburner and now his decision makes perfect sense to me after reading your last post.
It is crystal clear you have a lot on your plate and all the best figuring this out. I didn't know the dynamics between you and the ex were terrible, however, the ex is the child's mother, perfect or not. With all this going on another baby would just make things way too complicated. You do need to make sure the relationship between you and the ex is limited and friendly for the child's sake.
Sounds like you need to focus on what is going on with your health......#1 priority and not worry about all this other stuff.
All this may be the reason your husband wants to put having another baby on the backburner and now his decision makes perfect sense to me after reading your last post.
It is crystal clear you have a lot on your plate and all the best figuring this out. I didn't know the dynamics between you and the ex were terrible, however, the ex is the child's mother, perfect or not. With all this going on another baby would just make things way too complicated. You do need to make sure the relationship between you and the ex is limited and friendly for the child's sake.
Sounds like you need to focus on what is going on with your health......#1 priority and not worry about all this other stuff.
Ok frist off I went to the doctor yesterday had to take a blood test and it was negative for pregnancy second of all I waited this long because i didn't have insurance so now that pregnancy is out I have to go for an ultrasound ...since when in the hell is anyone 100 percent ready or at a good place? Let me tell you something I wished it was pregnancy instead of this because it could honestly be anything so you can rest easy now there is no baby snd isn't going to be for awhile and as far as the anxiety I dont even take that anymore haven't since January but instead you assumed I still do instead of asking a lot can happen from December to May so this being about me well yes it is about me because I posted this for myself. .I am damn proud that i take care and love my step daughter as one of my own because her own mother can't even take care of her I will never tell my step daughter that because I love her and I would never put her in that position I pray and hope someday her biological mother will change for her sake but I can only do what I can to be there for her going to her preschool graduation that her own biological mother isn't going to when my step daughter has dance class I take her and I watch her her mom hasn't been to a single one because she doesn't like talking to the dance mom's what kind of life is that for a 6 year old? And now another child coming along? Where is there any sense in that? I work hard for my step daughter and her mom won't even try for her and im not in the position or deserve to add to my family? Im selfish? Im selfish to give my daughter a chance to be excited to be apart of an addition that she will actually be apart of instead of putting In the side lines? This might be a lot to read but I'm trying to explain my position and situation because you don't know what I do or what im going through sure she will already have a sibling ..a sibling her biological mother won't even let her hold when it is born do you understand how devastated she felt hearing that at 6 and it is her half sister? Tell me how would you have felt?
"Pull the anxiety medication card on you?" I suggested you FOCUS on working on your anxiety and if your physician thinks that you benefit from being medicated then that probably is best. You mentioned yourself that you are supposed to be taking meds.
My posts are simply feedback to what you have posted. It is simply MY opinion. I would venture to say that most here are doing what you have done because the can do it anonymously so that they can get an HONEST opinion and feedback about the situation. People come here for clarity and clarity is usually better through the eyes of someone who isn't smack dab in the center of the situation.
I think you missed the biggest point I was trying to make............you must consider what would happen if you bring a baby into the mix at this time and I feel you need to make sure you are in a good, ideal place with your anxiety because if you aren't pregnancy could be disasterous for your mental health as you stated you CAN'T be on your meds while pregnant.
Situational anxiety.............who hasn't experienced that. That's most people, HOWEVER, you have a history of chronic anxiety as you have stated so yourself, so situational anxiety for a person suffering with a diagnosis of chronic anxiety isn't great. In other words you will handle situations a lot differently then someone who doesn't suffer from chronic anxiety and that is a BIG concern.
You posted this in December 2014:
"I have been trying to conceive for almost a year and im starting to get worried that something is wrong. I have had an anxiety disorder all my life. I take medicine to control it however im not supposed to be "trying".due to birth defects. ...my step daughter's biological mother is pregnant which my step daughter constantly talks about being a big sister which I swallow my pride and let her be excited for her mom as she should be. I wouldn't feel right taking her excitement away I just don't feel right about it.anyway het mother got pregnant in five months and here I am still trying to conceive im getting to the point I just want to cry. I have desperately wanted a child since I have been married so my question is how can I stop this bitter/angry feeling that I feel? When everyone I feel is getting the joy that I want so desperately? Call me selfish or whatever ...I don't know if I should start working on myself or sit here and feel sorry for myself or what."............................This is what I focused on because I find this the MOST concerning. Most of your posts run along the lines of desperate to be pregnant and grappling with feelings of everyone being pregnant except you, NOT over your menstrual cycle.
96 days late and NO physician involved yet? You definitely need to be seeking medical attention PRONTO. Then you've mentioned about getting on bc in your initial above post............why would you do that IF you have had NO period in 96 days?
FIND out what's going on with physicians involved. You need to get yourself together and that's the FIRST priority. You don't sound in a good place AT ALL.
All the best.
My posts are simply feedback to what you have posted. It is simply MY opinion. I would venture to say that most here are doing what you have done because the can do it anonymously so that they can get an HONEST opinion and feedback about the situation. People come here for clarity and clarity is usually better through the eyes of someone who isn't smack dab in the center of the situation.
I think you missed the biggest point I was trying to make............you must consider what would happen if you bring a baby into the mix at this time and I feel you need to make sure you are in a good, ideal place with your anxiety because if you aren't pregnancy could be disasterous for your mental health as you stated you CAN'T be on your meds while pregnant.
Situational anxiety.............who hasn't experienced that. That's most people, HOWEVER, you have a history of chronic anxiety as you have stated so yourself, so situational anxiety for a person suffering with a diagnosis of chronic anxiety isn't great. In other words you will handle situations a lot differently then someone who doesn't suffer from chronic anxiety and that is a BIG concern.
You posted this in December 2014:
"I have been trying to conceive for almost a year and im starting to get worried that something is wrong. I have had an anxiety disorder all my life. I take medicine to control it however im not supposed to be "trying".due to birth defects. ...my step daughter's biological mother is pregnant which my step daughter constantly talks about being a big sister which I swallow my pride and let her be excited for her mom as she should be. I wouldn't feel right taking her excitement away I just don't feel right about it.anyway het mother got pregnant in five months and here I am still trying to conceive im getting to the point I just want to cry. I have desperately wanted a child since I have been married so my question is how can I stop this bitter/angry feeling that I feel? When everyone I feel is getting the joy that I want so desperately? Call me selfish or whatever ...I don't know if I should start working on myself or sit here and feel sorry for myself or what."............................This is what I focused on because I find this the MOST concerning. Most of your posts run along the lines of desperate to be pregnant and grappling with feelings of everyone being pregnant except you, NOT over your menstrual cycle.
96 days late and NO physician involved yet? You definitely need to be seeking medical attention PRONTO. Then you've mentioned about getting on bc in your initial above post............why would you do that IF you have had NO period in 96 days?
FIND out what's going on with physicians involved. You need to get yourself together and that's the FIRST priority. You don't sound in a good place AT ALL.
All the best.
My step daughter is 6...when I posted this I was at a vulnerable state at the time...call it childish and selfishness whatever I honestly don't care I was putting my feelings out there probably something not alot of people would have done ....I do appreciate your honesty though because im focusing on other things right now ...my husband and I have a better understanding then before...not only that but if you had skimmed through my posts you would have read that I haven't started my menstrual cycle for 80 some days now im 95 days late took a lot of pregnancy tests and negative everyone of them ....so anxiety? Hell yeah im having anxiety your damn right I am because i have no idea what is going on ...so don't pull the anxiety medication card on me ...
Maybe his first wife was more interested in her own needs, and fulfilling her time clock, than committing herself to a marriage for the long run. He may be feeling really burnt, BAD. I'm sure I would be feeling that way. Maybe he feels he was used for his sperm? Sad place to be. Try being empathetic. It bears repeating.
Absolutely agree it's hard to comment not knowing what the game plan was prior to your marriage.
Am thinking that a therapist for yourself would be far better than talking to others about your private marital situation. That in itself may have huge consequences to your marriage on the whole. It would mine.
One year plus a bit married, and prior to your having anxiety issues fully addressed, is early to be planning imo.
Advice? get back to a good place with your husband. Make it solid, because right now it seems rocky. going to a marriage counselor might work, but not if your husband had an idea that you were going to wait before having a child. Maybe he wants to know the marriage is going to work out unequivocably before having another child. After all, he is divorced and get's to see his daughter only part time. NOT something I'd be willing to jump into too quickly. If you could empathize with him on that, and allow him to see that you're looking at more than your maternal clock, he'd be more able to see you as a partner, and not child like yourself?
Hope all goes well. Glad you posted. For every post like yours how many are in the same boat that do not post. Thanks for reaching out, for your family and yourself. Always here to talk.
Am thinking that a therapist for yourself would be far better than talking to others about your private marital situation. That in itself may have huge consequences to your marriage on the whole. It would mine.
One year plus a bit married, and prior to your having anxiety issues fully addressed, is early to be planning imo.
Advice? get back to a good place with your husband. Make it solid, because right now it seems rocky. going to a marriage counselor might work, but not if your husband had an idea that you were going to wait before having a child. Maybe he wants to know the marriage is going to work out unequivocably before having another child. After all, he is divorced and get's to see his daughter only part time. NOT something I'd be willing to jump into too quickly. If you could empathize with him on that, and allow him to see that you're looking at more than your maternal clock, he'd be more able to see you as a partner, and not child like yourself?
Hope all goes well. Glad you posted. For every post like yours how many are in the same boat that do not post. Thanks for reaching out, for your family and yourself. Always here to talk.
How was this discussed when you were dating and engaged? Did you both agree on having children and when before your married and now one of you has changed their mind?
Hi. Tough situation. This is the most precious of subjects. Did you and your husband discuss having children between you before you got married? What were his thoughts then? Is this a reversal on his part, or has he been consistent?
If he is saying he feels pressured, and you want this so badly that you can think of little else, this can be a no-win, that places your relationship at risk; more importantly, if you have a child before your relationship is ready, you will be placing your child at risk. I have heard far too many stories about dads who are uninvolved with their children. Believe me, you do not want a child being born into that.
It's crucial that you understand each other fully...your reasons for wanting a child right now...and his resons against having a child right now. First, you have to WANT to understand each other. If the two of you are unable to make a plan regarding an agreed upon time frame for having a child together, then I highly recommend that you see a counselor together. I agree with the others....this is the MOST personal of subjects, and should be sacred between the two of you, as are any details regarding struggles between you. I feel that sharing details about tough times between a couple, gives friends and family gives them a bias view and invites negative energy from them. The struggles that we emerge from with our significant other, strengthens the relationship. Giving those struggles over to friends and family, robs us of that opportunity. A good counselor on the other hand, provides tools for the two of you to succeed.
If he is saying he feels pressured, and you want this so badly that you can think of little else, this can be a no-win, that places your relationship at risk; more importantly, if you have a child before your relationship is ready, you will be placing your child at risk. I have heard far too many stories about dads who are uninvolved with their children. Believe me, you do not want a child being born into that.
It's crucial that you understand each other fully...your reasons for wanting a child right now...and his resons against having a child right now. First, you have to WANT to understand each other. If the two of you are unable to make a plan regarding an agreed upon time frame for having a child together, then I highly recommend that you see a counselor together. I agree with the others....this is the MOST personal of subjects, and should be sacred between the two of you, as are any details regarding struggles between you. I feel that sharing details about tough times between a couple, gives friends and family gives them a bias view and invites negative energy from them. The struggles that we emerge from with our significant other, strengthens the relationship. Giving those struggles over to friends and family, robs us of that opportunity. A good counselor on the other hand, provides tools for the two of you to succeed.
I just skimmed through your other posts.
You really haven't been married that long, so that is an adjustment in itself especially for someone suffering from anxiety issues. Being a wife and a stepmother for a little more than a year isn't a long time.
You stated also that you have been trying to conceive since you've been married. Is your husband aware of this?
What is going on with your anxiety and medication? I think this should be one of your main concerns at this time. Perhaps your anxiety is affecting your clarity to see things in a rational sense?
You really haven't been married that long, so that is an adjustment in itself especially for someone suffering from anxiety issues. Being a wife and a stepmother for a little more than a year isn't a long time.
You stated also that you have been trying to conceive since you've been married. Is your husband aware of this?
What is going on with your anxiety and medication? I think this should be one of your main concerns at this time. Perhaps your anxiety is affecting your clarity to see things in a rational sense?
How long have you two been married?
"i am not sure if getting on birth control is going to make me resentful towards my husband or help me with baby fever any thoughts?".........Why would you be resentful? Because your husband doesn't want another child right now? He never said he didn't want any children with you. I think that's a bit selfish and childish to say. The birthcontrol would prevent another baby coming that your husband and possibly your stepdaughter isn't ready for. It's not meant to curb "baby fever." No one is asking you to do that; your husband is asking you to wait.
To get down to it I would love to have a baby and sibling for my step daughter.".................How old is your stepdaughter?
You mentioned your stepdaughter's mother is having a baby. Correct? Well.......then the child is already getting a sibling.
This is really more about you then about giving the child a sibling. I can understand having a baby with your husband would be like the cherry on the sundae so to speak, however, you need to consider:
1. Your husband isn't ready.
2. It might not be easy for your stepdaughter to be upstaged by not one, but two other children in a short period of time if you and the ex are pregnant back to back. The adjustments might not be as easy as you think for you, your husband and most importantly your stepdaughter.
3. You are a stay at home mother at this time. Having to care financially for two children isn't cheap and your option of staying at home may not be possible with two children. Not to mention daycare if you have to work or find someone reliable and cheap to take care of your children. Working=less time with your children + $$$$ for childcare.
4. You are putting a lot of pressure on your husband and he is being vocal about this. Try to find a way to put this subject on the backburner and revisit it later on. Who knows he may surprise you and bring it up later on. Unless you want a husband disconnecting from you you should say nothing more about this. It is already starting to cause a small problem with your husband in the bedroom.
You are young and have time. Why rush things? Enjoy your husband and stepdaughter for now. Sounds like life in your home is ideal and smooth at this time.
Totally agree with SM...........keep this discussion between you and your husband and then NO ONE can make any comments that may hurt you. I surely wouldn't be sharing this info with my husband's sister. You are kind of putting her in a bad position since you and your husband are not seeing eye to eye about this baby situation.
This can't just be about you. Take the 100% focus off of you and think more about those who will be affected by your decision if they aren't ready or prepared. Maybe keeping this in mind will make you see clearly about being on birthcontrol.
"i am not sure if getting on birth control is going to make me resentful towards my husband or help me with baby fever any thoughts?".........Why would you be resentful? Because your husband doesn't want another child right now? He never said he didn't want any children with you. I think that's a bit selfish and childish to say. The birthcontrol would prevent another baby coming that your husband and possibly your stepdaughter isn't ready for. It's not meant to curb "baby fever." No one is asking you to do that; your husband is asking you to wait.
To get down to it I would love to have a baby and sibling for my step daughter.".................How old is your stepdaughter?
You mentioned your stepdaughter's mother is having a baby. Correct? Well.......then the child is already getting a sibling.
This is really more about you then about giving the child a sibling. I can understand having a baby with your husband would be like the cherry on the sundae so to speak, however, you need to consider:
1. Your husband isn't ready.
2. It might not be easy for your stepdaughter to be upstaged by not one, but two other children in a short period of time if you and the ex are pregnant back to back. The adjustments might not be as easy as you think for you, your husband and most importantly your stepdaughter.
3. You are a stay at home mother at this time. Having to care financially for two children isn't cheap and your option of staying at home may not be possible with two children. Not to mention daycare if you have to work or find someone reliable and cheap to take care of your children. Working=less time with your children + $$$$ for childcare.
4. You are putting a lot of pressure on your husband and he is being vocal about this. Try to find a way to put this subject on the backburner and revisit it later on. Who knows he may surprise you and bring it up later on. Unless you want a husband disconnecting from you you should say nothing more about this. It is already starting to cause a small problem with your husband in the bedroom.
You are young and have time. Why rush things? Enjoy your husband and stepdaughter for now. Sounds like life in your home is ideal and smooth at this time.
Totally agree with SM...........keep this discussion between you and your husband and then NO ONE can make any comments that may hurt you. I surely wouldn't be sharing this info with my husband's sister. You are kind of putting her in a bad position since you and your husband are not seeing eye to eye about this baby situation.
This can't just be about you. Take the 100% focus off of you and think more about those who will be affected by your decision if they aren't ready or prepared. Maybe keeping this in mind will make you see clearly about being on birthcontrol.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Well, my honest thought is that it is good to wait a bit for your step daughter's sake. She's young and I think kids adjust much slower than adults think to such huge changes (parents split up, new significant others, etc. and this little already has to adjust to mom having another baby. It is hard on kids when there is a half sibling because the half sibling gets to see their parent all the time (a child with your husband would be with dad 100 percent of the time and she is not, the child with her mom, same scenario). It's just hard. And I'd give it more time.
Especially since your husband is not wanting another child at this time. I would respect this as the best thing. For everyone.
If someone makes a comment, my recommendation is to stop talking about trying to convince your husband to have a baby. That is between the two of you. And then just really don't comment on it.
Revisit having a baby down the road.
That's really my heartfelt and best advice. good luck
Especially since your husband is not wanting another child at this time. I would respect this as the best thing. For everyone.
If someone makes a comment, my recommendation is to stop talking about trying to convince your husband to have a baby. That is between the two of you. And then just really don't comment on it.
Revisit having a baby down the road.
That's really my heartfelt and best advice. good luck
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
